Friday, September 04, 2009

In times like these

It's about to happen, I can feel it. I'm about to take a job that will put me back into that miserable place I had been in about 4-5 years ago.

I had vowed never, NEVER, to work for a company like that one again. I hated it with all I had in me. As I sat in the interview, talking and asking questions, the misery crept up slowly into my body. Bad enough the position would be a HUGE step backwards, to make matters worse there seems to be no upward mobility. The owners, they were identical to whom I had worked for yet about 30 years younger. But, we're in a recession, I'm mostly unemployed, what can I do? Can I really say no to a job offer? I want to cry - I have a feeling of disgust deep in me, I know I'll have to take this job.

As most of you know (if any of you are still checking in), this blog isn't about my job, it's about my sexual adventures and love life. Yet life gets thrown at you and I need to vent! Meanwhile, come to think of it I had started blogging when I worked at that first miserable job, I guess something good may come out of this....

Meanwhile, my life has drastically changed since my last post. In December, with thousands of other people, I was layed off. It had been a complete surprise for me and a very heartbreaking one. My career was my life, I breathed it, I loved it to no end. I suffered immensely (and still do) from the loss of my career, not only monetarily yet mentally as well. Almost every night I dreamt (and still do) of my office, my co-workers, I had dreams (and still do) of my workday! Each morning I awoke I had wished this was all one bad dream... but it wasn't. I was stuck at home, so I began my job hunt immediately.
Its been 10 months now, I've applied to over 50 positions, the number of interviews I've had could be counted on one hand - Pathetic.
I have good weeks and bad ones. Bad ones where I second guess myself and just how good I am at what I do. But overall I stay pretty positive, I know somethings gotta give - and it will - eventually.

Much more has changed in my life; With the loss of my career I've obtained, 2 new jobs (jobs as in the sense a-way-to-pay-rent), and something else, something very special. A boyfriend, not just a boyfriend... he's an amazingly wonderful man.

There's much more to write about and hopefully I will. Yet, no promises here. I haven't been inspired to write for so long now... We shall see.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Stupid girl

Never have I done something so completely idiotic.

I'm so very careful, painstakingly careful and I'm embarrassed and ashamed with what I did...

Last night I get imed by a guy that I've spoken with a few times. He's interested in D/s just like myself... It's a little before 3am when we begin talking, he asks if I'm free on Sat. night, I'm unsure (because I may want to keep my night open also I don't feel as though I know him well enough). We continue chatting and soon learn that we have a number of things in common including our religion, where we went to school, how our interest in D/s evolved, etc... Of course NOW I'm more interested and curious about him, we quickly move our conversation to the phone.
We go on chatting about work, friends, all that getting to know you stuff. He then proposes the idea that we meet in about an hour or so - hey it's something fun, take a chance! Blah Blah Blah... I decide to go for it.
A while later I find myself driving into the city at 4am, I speak to him, he's a tad annoyed that I'm running late, he tells me the plan of where to meet him, he'll meet me there, we'll say hi - if I'm unsure I can go, if not he'll blindfold me and take me to his apartment. All I could think of is - oooh yay, fun!



Something's wrong, and the one person i can talk to isn't home..
8:01am
I've never done something this fucking dumb in my life
8:02am
i'm at my office right now, i can't concentrate
8:02am
i'm trying to just write, it's what I do best sometimes
8:02am
it's not helping

i'm shaking, and honestly i could cry
8:03am
i'm terribly embarrassed and don't want to tell you

Here goes
8:15am
i met a guy, he blindfolded me and walked me to his apartment, i thought it was a fun idea.. he had me bound, gagged, and blindfolded, he played with me, checked in with me to see if i were ok during the play, i even think he wore a finger condom when he was touching me
8:15am
... he fucked me
8:16am
when it was time to go, he blindfolded me again, saying the night wasn't over and there was a surprise..
8:16am
never have a been more dumb.
8:17am
he got a cab, made a single stop, then another stop - to my car, that was the surprise, my fucking car.... He had me keep the blindfold on all the way to my car, we said goodbye, he kissed my cheek
8:17am
I got in my car and it all hit me - i don't have his number, nor address, nor full name, for all i know he didn't use a condom.
8:18am
I sit in my car and stare straight ahead for maybe 20 mins, i'm shaking, and have no one to tell this to
8:19am
i finally pull it together, i try to email him but all i have is his aim name...
i pull out of the parking space and go get the morning after pill to be safe..
8:20am
We didn't discuss what was and was not allowed - what is WRONG with me??!!!
8:21am
but to give him the benefit.. he asked me if certain things were ok before doing them, if i shook my head no, he didn't do it

i've truly never been this dumb
8:22am
it's not like me
i've gotten over eager and sloppy
8:22am
i always follow my rules - why did i break them!!!???
i'm never impulsive - what the fuck is wrong with me?

8:39am
i still have the rope tied to one of my wrists - i'm at the office, i came straight here
8:42am
i've been here since 7:30am, it's so tight
8:46am
i feel like i deserve it to be there
8:46am
i deserve to have to lie to everyone about it when they ask me
8:53am
the office is starting to fill, i won't be able to concentrate
i feel like i need to throw up, i can't sit here all day...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well that was my first-hand, raw, as real as real could be reaction to what happened that morning. I later spoke to my friend, he had told me I was probably taped. Naturally, I freaked out again. I went through so much that day, that night, that week. I felt horrible, I couldn't believe what I had done, the situation I put myself into. The guy finally responded to me and said he used a condom. To get him to talk to me I had to pretend that I was into it all, that I wanted it again. He didn't want to see me again. Who knows if I was taped, I hope and wish with all of me that I wasn't.

It's now two month later - -
I wasn't hurt, I wasn't pregnant, and hopefully I wasn't recorded that morning.

Friday, May 23, 2008

A vicious circle?

I can't sleep and the urge to write is just so strong. It's 3am, I need to get to sleep, yet I'm not about to let myself open my laptop, I know I'd be up writing for another hour. Instead I'm underneath my blanket typing this out on my blackberry....

I'm stuck with men, what the hell am I doing?!
Am I confused? Or is it that once I find "the one" I'll stop falling backwards in the arms of past lovers?

Morgan...I truly thought I was over him, was I simply fooling myself? He doesn't even fit into my life - what is wrong with me?!!?! Yet, I so badly miss his arms around me at night, it's been such a long time I don't remember what his kisses feel like. I miss our nights hanging out in bed, talking and watching the Simpsons or nights he'd find some silly reason to put in a porno.
He still lives far away, yet we've stayed close. We had a falling out, got back together - that happened about 2 or 3 times, in the past 2 years.
He's currently seeing someone, they're not serious. Guess what?! I just saw her too- damn these myspace/facebook kinda websites, well at least I now know I'm prettier...
Anyhow we're seeing each other in about a week. I wonder what it'll be like, will I feel the same or will I see there's nothing for us left in this long drawn out messy thing that I barely can call a relationship.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Take me Away from me.

I'm feeling masochistic, which isnt entirely like me.
I want to thrown around, used, hurt, spanked (beaten) till I cry and cry hard.

I don't want to feel like me, I want to be taken away from my thoughts, my issues, my desire for a strong man's shoulder to cry on, lean on. One who cares for me, who would put his hand through my hair while I vented. I want to be taken away from my parents ominous marriage and impending divorce. Away from all of my friends engagements and upcoming weddings, away from the hurtful heartbreaks, away from the roommates with consistent bouncing checks and supporting lies.

I just want to come home and leave it all behind, rather than it all just digging deeper into me through dinner, laundry, errands, even while watching tv. It's all there; on my shoulders and screaming into my ears.

I can't fix much of it, I just want to forget it, if only for a little while. If it's only to focus on the the ice slipping into my cunt, or the cock thrusting into my mouth, and the belt repetitively cracking against my ass then that would be quite fine.

Monday, January 21, 2008

A new year

I hate that I don't write. It's therapeutic, it helps me sort my life.
Not that lately I need any sorting, it's been pretty quiet, almost dull and practically boring.

I've attempted dating more often but I have pretty bad luck...
I had a tentative date set up with a guy, (I was pretty excited) he ends up disappearing for a week or so - ok, life happens. He later on catches up with me only to confess that he has a girlfriend. Another guy lied about his age - that was a lovely evening to say the least. It's not that I have bad luck, it's that dating is hard and I believe it's even harder in NYC.
I read an article recently, in the UK there are 4,135,000 single men and 3,667,000single women. Can you believe that?! I'm not sure what the numbers are here in NYC, but I know we are no where close to that nice little ratio.
Truth me told, I'd love to move to the UK, I've thought about for a few years now, this only helps the cause!

Moving along to what you're all interested in...
My sex life has been ehhh. I have another post half written about a new venture - but I'll leave you waiting in suspense for that one.

These last few months I've been spending more time with BFWB, he recently broke up with his GF, and now has his own place. We have a lot of fun together, but nothing steamy to write about... Maybe something soon.

Morgan.. Ahh what can I say about him. He's still around, but I don't know whats going on. I don't expect much from him any longer, I think he came up too little too late. Sad, I feel like I've been through the wringer with him, I loved him and cared about him so much and if you ask me - he fucked it all up. Now he shows so much interest it's just that I'm not sure if there's anything left.

The Suit, another one that lingers. It's exactly that - lingering. But there's more to him that meets the eye and he ties in that half written post. So I won't say anymore till then.

I'm tired and signing off - goodnight all.

- Joey Madison

Friday, October 12, 2007

Beauty Squared


I just finished reading a great trilogy:

The Trilogy of Sleeping Beauty by A. N. Roquelaure, Ann Rice
- The Claiming of Beauty
- Beauty's Punishment
- Beauty's Release

This may sound weird to some, but after I finish a book, a truly great book, I miss the characters. The book could have an amazingly beautiful or tragic ending, and I could be very content with the ending but inevitably I will miss the characters.

I've followed these characters through three books, I just wish the books would continue...I know it's a bit silly.

Anyway please feel free to check these books out - I wouldn't recommend them to my family or friends, but to some of my readers I definitely would. Just be careful where you read them as well. The books are quite descriptive, and many times commuting on the train I tried to hide the pages from being seen (unless I wanted the man next to me to see it!), and many times on the train I became pretty turned on!!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Months of Hell

I haven't written since April for few good reasons. Unfortunately I can't really divulge these reasons to you. Mostly, I've hit another bump. This is a big one, and has completely affected every day of my life and just about every aspect of my day. Yet, it has also opened my eyes, a few things have changed for the better. It's been a slow process getting over this giant bump and I'm not quite there yet, it'll be all be over in a few months.

A quick small update:

Morgan - Is still 4 hours away from me. We've had a thousand ups and downs, and I don't really know where and how it's going.

TYD - About a year ago (feels like only months) we had a really great and fun night - I have yet to post about that and since then we've played just a bit. More recently, we've gotten to know each other better, and have become better friends. It's nice and I love spending time with him. Something is different when I'm with him, I can't place my finger on it... but I'm always left thinking about our time spent days after. (Update on the update here... I don't think we're friends any longer, it was a decision I made. I think he hates me, and I'm not happy about it.)

BFWB - I see him here and there.... Nothing really going on, our schedules are pretty off. But I've learned I can count on him.

The Suit - What a naughty naughty man, and oh, what he's done to me. Not physically not yet and not him... but soon. More to come on that.

CT - I haven't seen in a very, very long time.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Birthday



It's my birthday.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Nothing Like the Real Thing Baby

I've seen Morgan quite a few times in the last few months in which I haven't written. (For tonight I'm going to put the relationship mess to the side.)

When I'm tied up or laid out on his bed... A ball gag might be in between my lips, possibly a blindfold over my eyes... I just want to giggle, often I do giggle. Then I hear his voice, stern - asking me what I find so funny, he'll possibly slap my face. But until he slaps it just hard enough I giggle away. Matter of fact, after he slaps me I still have to make a conscience effort to be serious, quiet and respectful.

When I'm bent over, calling him Sir, I have a smirk on my face. And the worst, when I'm on my knees and he's standing in front of me, my hands are behind my back, my head is lowered. I'm in the one position in which I always feel subservient, submissive, and naturally comfortable. He asks me if I'm going to be a good girl for him, he asks me if I like my collar, he tells me I'm his whore... and during all of this - I'm rolling my eyes and saying "Yes Sir" as best I could with out each of my replies sounding bored, fake - monotone.
(There are times when I've giggled with others, but in those cases - it was that nervous type of giggle, and when I was told to keep quiet, or smacked I knew they meant business)

It's not real with Morgan. It never is real, it never was real. I don't think it will ever be real. I know he's faking it, playing a part. I know because I taught him about D/s. It's one thing - if I "introduced" him to it - but I did that and more.
I know he enjoys it, it's like I've created a monster... it's all he wants to do.

Problem is, I'm turned off by it. He doesn't get it; he doesn't feel the deepness to it. He doesn't realize how natural it is to me... How we're supposed to feed off of each other. But, I don't feel it from him. - To him it's a game, playtime, a sort of extracurricular activity - a hobby.
The more it's become this to him, the less I enjoy it.

And then there's the whole bit in which he enjoys me being the Dom - HAhahhahaha!
We all are well aware, that I completely fake it. That's when I realize how great my acting ability is, and that maybe I should have been an actress.

Next, the relationship mess....

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Back

I haven't been able to write, for a number of reasons...

- I've had writers block, I can't get myself to finish a post and I have so many unfinished posts.

- Someone has found my blog, he told me months ago. It's not the worst thing in the world but it's bothersome. He makes it seem as though it's no big deal- to me it is. He says it's just like reading an autobiography... Well that's easily said, but who reads autobiographies of a person they currently have some sort of friendship with. No less it's not a finished autobiography, it continues daily. So maybe I've stopped it so he can longer read my thoughts, feelings, experiences. Or maybe I just had to wait to come to terms with it.
Who is it? The Suit.

- My job has consumed my life; I need to learn how to make it stop. I do know how to make it stop... I think I sometimes stay at the office till all hours of the night because I really don't have anything else to do. Going home to my empty apartment is sometimes sad. Being that I have a vast amount of work it just poses as an excuse for myself. But don't get me wrong... sometimes it's a necessity to work late.

I've had a lot going on and at the same time I've had a lot of nothing going on.
I don't really feel like writing about these last few months as a review... but what other way is there?

I'll be back to update very soon.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Wishing you a...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Where's your red?

It's no wonder why miss Christina Aguilera and Gwen Stefani wear it daily - it's fucking empowering!

I don't often wear red lipstick, but when I do, I do it right.
In the fall or winter, when my skin is no longer a
golden brown, but like the changing of the leaves colors, mine has gone a soft fair white.




Red lips, white skin, my dark black hair - timeless.


5pm - I leave my office, on my way home...
Oh my god, every man, every woman glanced at me. I couldn't help but smile, it was endearing. And in this city of strangers amazingly my smiles were returned, what a pleasant surprise.





There was something about it.... the red lips.
It's comparable to when a gorgeous women walks into a room and all heads turn to see.
It felt seductive, empowering, boudoir, fun, girly, womanly, put together and beautiful.





So if you can handle these feelings, the looks, the smiles, the attention and the confidence it exudes... Then go for it, get to your closest Sephora find your red and you'll see just what I'm talking about.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

It's all...

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... My mom used to say that often. Yet, maybe it's true.

Maybe - it's all fun and games, until I get hurt.

Until I realize that my BFWB, isn't my BF any longer, but he's now become just a guy I've known for a long time who loves my blowjobs and tits.

Until I realize that I would do anything in the world for the man I love, but he wouldn't for me and I need to stop loving him.

Until I realize that I think about a certain someone too much, but I can't let myself develop feelings for him.

Until I realize that a sort-of ex only wants fun and games out of me, but I'm think I'm realizing I need more than fun and games.

Keeping all this within my world is fun, lots of fun... but maybe it keeps me stagnant. Maybe it's the reason I haven't found the man who will love me the way I should be. Maybe I should end it all...

Are all my fun and games holding me back from something real happening?
Or am I complete emotional mess tonight and I'm blaming it on my fun and games... I assume time will tell.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Perfect Place... ruined.

I felt so content, despite that my body was getting tired, my wrists hurt badly and so on...We were at his job - it was fun, naughty and whispering which made everything that more erotic.

As I sucked his cock I knew I was where I belonged; happily sucking, kissing, licking and adoring his cock. When his hands lay gently on the back of my head, I'd just come to realize how much I loved this.

He was close to cumming but didn't want to yet so he slid his cock out of my mouth. I could barely keep myself away, I went back to kissing and softly licking his shaft. I couldn't figure out why I loved this nor why it felt so good I just knew it was right. Was it him? Well not exactly; while the BFWB and I have great chemistry, I know I'm just as content sucking TYD's cock maybe even more so being that he knows exactly what I need. But it's so right with him, I've said it times before in my blog, the strong animal attraction, knowing each other so well, etc...

While I was truly enjoying how good all this felt he says, "Want to watch me do this". I didn't quite get it - is he bi, does he want to experiment - in front of me!?
I look up at him - "Huh, I don't understand". He nudges my head back to his cock, I continue sucking... "Wouldn't you want to watch me? Wouldn't you want to do what I do to you".

I couldn't help but think, no, no, NO and how?? I started licking his cock to avoid eye contact, I said I don't understand how this all works... he goes on to say
strap on. Then asks me if I'd want to pull his hair, hold his head down on it. Stand above him as he's on his knees sucking my pseudo cock...
And that's when he ruined it. Why couldn't he be content doing what we always have been doing?! I wouldn't mind if he wanted to take things further, but not in this direction, not in the complete opposite direction of who I am and what I love. We have the most perfect friends-with-benefits-relationship, and now this.
I take on the Dominant role with Morgan (here and there); I hate it - it's acting, it's fake, and it's not me. But I do it because of how much he loves it, and how much I care for him.
But not another one.. it's all I continued to say to myself - not another one, not you too....

I told him in order for us to get to that kind of level, I need more than this. I'm not speaking relationship-wise (g-d, no, I don't want to date him). But we need to see each other more often, we need to see each other in a normal place (hmmm.. a bedroom?!)....and so on... I know our schedules would never be able to coordinate that well, therefore leaving all this to never happen. I would never want him to feel bad about opening up to me like he did. I just couldn't bear to tell him how much I DON'T want to do that, how I'm disappointed that he's brought it to the table, how he could possibly ruin my perfect place.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The deep pitted feeling

I'm getting that feeling. The same feeling I got with the last "friend" he had. I'm nervous about it, I get that deep pitted feeling in the bottom of my stomach when he says her name.
I'm not crazy, I'm not stupid, I'm not jealous, I'm feel an uncertainty and I'm going with my instincts.. And my instincts are usually right.

I'll confront him tonight. I'll lay it all out there and ask him.

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Games we Play

TYD:
Throughout my day at the office some of my typing consists of "Yes Sir's" and "I'd love to be on my knees for you Sir".
Almost everyday day of the work week we IM back and forth, he treating me and talking to me as if I were still his whore, I respond accordingly. It's fun; it keeps us entertained, thrilled and most importantly- turned on. I've been on my knees for him before, I've had my face slapped and spit on by him before, so it's easy to imagine the words we type, it's easy to remember how his cock filled my mouth, how he choked me with it. How he wasn't scared to slap my face, as others had been, how he made my knees quiver, and still makes my pussy wet.
I enjoy chatting with him it reminds me of the slut I enjoy being during the hours when I'm the headstrong and smart business woman.

BFWB:
He's been a game I've played for so many years now that often it's just how we are...Yet a few weekends ago our game was played as it had been years ago.
On my way to my local hole-in-the-wall bar, while looking for a parking spot I spotted his car parked, I knew he had to be in there. I walked in with the utmost confidence, sexiness just pouring from me, and there he was at the other end of the bar. I went about my time, careful not to let him see me spot him. I wanted him to simply spot me in the crowd laughing, smiling having fun with my girls while looking gorgeous and wanting me. And it worked perfectly. He walked past me, discreetly grabbed my waist and gave me this kinda I need you tonight look. All night long we went on like that not really talking to each other just giving each other signals. The signals we know so well, the signals we had used back in high school when no one knew what we were up to. All these smiles, eyes and teasing signals led up to a few text messages of where and when we'd meet up... very fun.

The Phone Man:
Approximately four years ago I'd wait till all left the office then slip my hand down my pants to my delicious warmest parts, he'd call me and we spoke on the phone, he told me how he would use me, how he would make me his slut, he said some of the dirtiest things. He eventually became too annoying and I stopped our chats.
Two years ago he contacted me on a screen name I rarely use... we started chatting again. He made me wet and filled with enticing ideas... He called me a few times during work hours (at a new company) I used a private bathroom to chat with him, and I found myself with my hand inside my panties as he told me all that he would still do to me. Unfortunately, this man again became annoying, he wanted to know too much, and he wanted to tell me about his life. I didn't care about his life nor wanted to share mine... I stopped taking his calls.
About 6 months ago somehow we began chatting online again, I made it very clear that I didn't care to know about his personal life. The phone calls began again, though now that I'm at a new company I can no longer slip into a bathroom. He calls me his phone whore, which I find completely ridiculous and it actually makes me laugh; but hey - it turns him on. He now calls me in the middle of the night, most of the time it wakes me up. But there's something hot about being woken up, and told to spread your legs ;)

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The Repressed Cock

The brain is an amazing machine...

I ran into someone one of these past afternoons. Seeing him practically stopped me in my tracks. I haven't seen him for a number of years now. Matter of fact, seeing him did stop me in my tracks; I paused for a few seconds as he stood a few feet away smiling at me. I pushed myself to continue walking over to him (he was standing next to the person I was actually there to speak with). In my mind I could only think; play it cool, breath, don't trip and fall - he's watching you.
As I approached him...
"Joey, well look at you, girl you are lookin' good! Damn you haven't changed a bit, still as sexy as you always were. What are you up to?" As I thanked him, smiled, (prolly blushed too) and filled him in on where I've been - suddenly bits of memories flooded my head...

We were in a car, we were bullshitting and flirting. He reached over, and kissed me. I remember his thick full lips softly kissing me, yet each kiss increasingly became stronger. His hand against my cheek, powerful yet tender....

I reply, and then ask him what he's been up to. "I'm just hanging out; still have my apartment in (so-and-so). I haven't kept in touch with..."

We had been working at the restaurant that night, we went out after our shifts often but this night was different. This night we ended up alone (usually most of the staff went out together). I remember that I had been the one driving (we were now pulled over and parked somewhere). As he was kissing me I remember thinking - don't do this, don't become another conquest of his. He was adorable and hot all wrapped up in one. He was something of a "player" I just wasn't sure how much of one. I didn't want to be "that girl" in the restaurant. Restaurants are breeding grounds for hooking-up (I hate that term). Yet, I mostly avoided that; I flirted to no end, teased and had my occasional hook-up, but I was really just one of the guys. Anyhow, like I said I didn't want to be "that girl" at the restaurant, all the girls there loved Rock. As we were kissing, it occurred to me that Rock didn't hook up with the restaurant girls, Rock and I were friends first, and therefore I knew. Girls fell for him left & right; standing at 6 feet tall, a beautiful shade of brown skin, a smile paired with dimples that could make your knees weak, light green eyes, perfect teeth, and a personality that was sweet, witty, funny, confident and caring (as I try to describe it...). How could they not fall for him?! He could have any one of them and sometimes he did - why not? - He was young and didn't want to be tied down.
He continued kissing me as I overanalyzed the whole situation (something I still do) and I realized I wouldn't exactly be another conquest in regards to the restaurant. I would be the one - the one who got him - HA!
I still worried though; here I was this (mostly) good girl making out with a delicious black guy. I wasn't raised racist at all, matter of fact I had lots of black friends but it wasn't exactly smiled upon should I date one. Again overanalyzing - I knew quite well I wasn't bringing Rock home to meet my 'rents. So, what was I worried about?!...


My reminiscing was interrupted, "So Joey what brings you here?"... I tell Rock I need to go take care of some business. He replies "I'm not going anywhere". I go about with what I have to do, while Rock dilly-dallies around. As I'm talking to the guy I'm there to see, I can't help but steal glances at him while all these memories just keep materializing....

I end up sliding over to the passenger seat, I straddle him; facing him I kiss him deeply, passionately. I never kissed a black guy before, his lips were different, it was fun to suck on his bottom lip. He lifted my shirt up and over my head - I remember him doing it so gently but there was something really "manly" about it. I licked and kissed his neck as he unhooked my bra. Taking it off; he cupped my breast, the moonlight beamed in through the car window, his milk chocolate hand was against my breast. His large rugged hand on my soft white breast - the contrast was beautiful. He saw me looking down, said "What?”. "It's pretty" I replied. He smiled and said "They sure are pretty Joey" I giggled...
He touched, fondled and played, kissed and caressed, sucked then licked. Every bit felt good - very good, and not the -oh he played with my tits *yawn- good. It was more like the -he didn't stop caressing my tits *panty creamer - Good!
Things only got steamier in that car, it was a summer night, we were lightly sweating, kissing, touching, it just didn't stop...

I finish my business there and Rock approaches me, I tell him I'm gonna get going, he insists that we hang out. I giggle at him, and of course he takes that as a decline, in which I then insist I was joking. I give him my number, we both end up being free that night, he tells me he'll call me later, and we'll go get a few drinks and catch up.
I say goodbye and I feel his eyes on me as I walk away...

I'm now on my knees on the floor of the car facing the front seat, his legs are on either side of me and his (very big- no joke here folks!) black cock is in front of me. Taking it my mouth, his hands are immediately on my head and in my hair. He waits a bit, while I familiarize my mouth with his cock. He lets me take my time, licking it, taking it all in deep and sucking the length of it. Then slowly and might I add - very smoothly, he starts talking dirty to me. "That's it Joey, suck my cock"... then he's quiet.
A few minutes later, "Mmm... feels good".... again quiet.
He then lets out in a whispery tone "yea, mmmph.. oh yea" and I feel his hands grip my hair tighter... quiet..
"Yea baby, suck my black cock"
Seconds later... "Damn your good, keep that cock in your mouth" as he pushes my head further down. His tone became increasingly more authoritative and I liked it - a lot. ( Let’s remember I hadn't yet realized I was attracted to alpha men)
For the remainder of the blowjob (how proper did I just make that sound?!) he continued to be this authoritative kinda guy, and I didn't have a problem with it, I just sorta - fell into place.

On my way home, I couldn't stop replaying all those memories. They came back to me SO crystal clear, as if it happened yesterday. I ended up falling asleep that night, falling asleep before Rock had called. I woke the next morning to a missed call - Rock - no voicemail and he never called back again... I'm sure we'll run into each other again sometime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you asked me the day before I ran into Rock if I had ever been with a black guy sexually, I would have replied no. Not because I'm lying about it, but because this was all very repressed. I'm not sure why I had repressed that night with Rock, as I think about it all more and more I can't figure it out. It seems to me that I truly felt as though I really did something I shouldn't have – therefore my brain locked it away in my subconscious.

And here in present day, who knows? Maybe I’ll go ahead and kiss a black man, suck his cock, and better yet I might just go for the full on sexual experience ;)

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Tiptoeing through the TwoLips

This past weekend (yes I'm aware I'm week behind) was completely filled with masturbating.
I couldn't stop.
I wasn’t only obsessed with masturbating but I couldn't remove myself from the computer. I go through this self-obsessed-loving weekend a few times a year. While I do think it's great, sometimes I wonder if it's a problem.

Friday night...
I arrive home early from having a few afternoon drinks with co-workers (LOVE those summer hours!) and I jump online and check my mail. Then I checked a new kind of mail, a fun type of mail - D/s kind of mail. Let's see if I have any and if I do what kind of note a new Dom might have left. I logged myself on, ding-ding-ding - I have a few. I read and sort through them... hmmm... ehhh... ooooh... hello! A few good ones - I reply. I've been thinking lately that I seriously need a kinky boyfriend. I'm not focusing on the boyfriend here. But if and when I meet someone, I need him to be a kinky guy, I would love for him to be D/s educated and obviously he be of the Dominant persuasion. In my past relationships they were pure vanilla and I wasn't purely satisfied.

So back to where I was... I then pull up the Aol chatrooms I've always trolled through them since I was young. Fascinating people in there and quite horny - much like myself at the moment. I start chatting with a man, next thing I know my legs are spread, my hand is underneath my panties, and I'm rubbing my cunt. (I've gotten pretty good at one-handed typing.. lol) This goes on for quite a few orgasms err. . hours. I get to bed very late- but before I fall asleep I grab a dildo and thrust it into my cunt a few times before I can bring myself to orgasm and the fall asleep.

Saturday morning...
I decide to attempt to cook a good breakfast - and it was! I lay back on the couch after finishing my breakfast, turn on the tv and again I find my hands making their way to my cunt. I rub my fingertips over my lips, they're soft (I had just shaved a few nights ago). I lie there not watching anything in particular and slowly rub my lips. She's still moist from the night before. That's the great thing about my pussy; if I'm soaking wet the night before, then I'm certainly going to wake up with a wet pussy. - G-d, I love that - I love it even more so when a man slides his cock right into me and wakes me up... Eventually I slip my finger inside I stop to give my clit a little hello - oh, it's a long hello, long enough that I slowly cum...
After enjoying that, I watch a movie, in which I again - play with my pussy. I take a deliciously long shower - and guess what - ... I'm not even typing it - lol! But with the hot water running down my hair and onto my body, I couldn't help myself?!

I take a little break, clean up around my apartment and I'm cleaning I can't help but notice my cunt is still wet...

It's a gorgeous day and I should be at the beach with my friends, but instead this little pervy girl has decided to stay in and cum all day long.
I go out onto my balcony, needing to get some fresh air and sun. I go out there equipped with my cell phone, the current book (no, it's not erotica) I'm reading, the remote control to my stereo and a pillow. Finally, a little time to read & relax after my stint of cleaning. Actually I hate the book I'm reading (maybe it's because it's not erotica) but I've pushed myself to finish it...

About 45 minutes later I go inside grab something to munch on for lunch, make a few phone calls, check email and then pry myself away from the computer before any naughtiness commences. Back out on the balcony I change the cd playing then lie down on my stomach, resting my arms on the pillow and go on reading. Moments later, I feel something hard underneath me - in a very naughty place. My balcony is high enough - at least I think it is, I've laid out there naked... I begin pushing my pelvis into the object - it feels somewhat good. My book falls closed - my head rests on the pillow, eyes slowly shut and I gradually gyrate my hips... mmmmhhhh... I come to figure out the object to be the remote control. I'm wearing only a tank top and cotton panties, my hips rotate, grind and hump the remote. G-d it feels good, though it does hurt a little bit; But of course we all know I like that bit of pain ;)
Grinding and humping it faster, harder I feel my pussy wet and slick. I have a thought of actually trying to use it on myself, but that quickly goes away. I'm dying to bring a finger to my clit - but I won't allow myself. I'm going to force myself to lie out here on the balcony and cum from grinding, gyrating and humping my pussy into a stereo remote control. Harder and faster I move my body, I lift my tank top, my nipples harden from being pushed up and down on the itchy outdoor rug. I'm grinding hard now, I like the mix of pain and pleasure this is all causing me. My body begins to quiver, I find myself holding my breath and then... then... that sensational feeling consumes me, I cum hard and long, breathing heavily - panting.

I'm spent and my panties are soaked through. I could only smirk at myself... I realize that what I just did and the manner in which it was done, is exactly how I began masturbating when I was a little girl. It was the best orgasm of the day, hell - of the weekend.
I pick up my book, continue reading, I end up falling asleep outside. Waking up realizing I have errands to run...

Upon returning home I head straight for my email, I have a few im's to respond to. I reply, I know I shouldn't I don't have time - I have to go out for the night with friends.. I end up late meeting with them and my pussy is juicy and wet as I'm out dancing; I had a very hot little chat with some dirty man - it's all his fault.

Sunday...
I wake up late having come home at some ungodly hour.
I'll tally Sunday up for you:
15 - Number of men I chat with online.
1 - Phone call me for phone sex (even though I'm pretty bad at it)
13 - Orgasms in total

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

4th


Happy 4th to all.


I think this year, the fourth of July signifies change.
Change that I couldn't hold back with all my might - if I had wanted to.

So now, here is all this change taking place... My sister married, only leaving my roommate living here with me. Weird. My new job, which is just great and I couldn't be any more happy!

My lovely sex life has been quiet - which is not so lovely. I can't stop masturbating lately -every single morning. I think about being tied up quite often, I'm not sure why. Maybe I miss it. Actually I do miss it. It's been a long while since I've been tied up, and used well.
Damn, it's been a long time since I've had sex....

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Nausous

It makes me nausous everytime I think of how I've practically abandoned my sexy little blog.

My life has taken a huge turn.
First and foremost the excellant news - I have a new job!
It's perfect and I love it, I wake up each morning looking forward to going to work. It's amazing and I couldn't be any happier.

But along with my new job comes the loss of my blogging time. As most of you know I blogged at work. Now, I'm finding it very hard to be able to set time aside to write. I have posts handwriten and ready to be typed up - just no time to do this... it sucks and I'm sorry.

I'm really going to try to get my ass in gear!
A new post will go up this week - I promise.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Secrets

I'm a HUGE fan and supporter of Post Secret!


It's finally made it's way to NYC - I'll be there checking it all out! You should too!
Post Secret's New York Event

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Springtime Nymph

I think there is something in the Spring Weather - it makes me want to romp around like a little...nypmph

My sex drive is off the charts...lol.. Well, it's always been - but I'm feeling even more naughty than usual. A feeling deep in me has given me insatiable desires to be the submissive pet I have been in the past. I still chat with TYD and these cravings are leading me right down his path and onto my knees at his (proverbial) door. It hasn't happened yet but I'm almost there.

I've been dating more than I had been. I think I viewed my past dates too seriously. With each different one I would wonder if "this will be the one".
- Oh whatever with the one!
I've come to the decision that I'm going to date and have fun with it - meet new guys and enjoy it.
I'll leave my nymphy romps for the men who know me - unless a particular fellow comes along and I just can't help myself ;)

The Suite still chats with me online (something still tells me he could have been the one) - but he planted a little seed in my young and impressionable mind and I constantly wonder if seeing a black Dom rather than a white Dom would have that big of a difference in feelings of submissiveness; on any kind of level.
I'm thinking I should pursue this and find out for myself... hmmm...I'm still debating this one.

Well many sexy spring kisses to all of you, let's see what this little nymph gets herself into next.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Repeated Dreams

These dreams are detailed, clear, crude, sexual and disturbing. I'll warn you - they involve a child; so if you are uncomfortable with this please do not read further.

These dreams cross my mind night after night lately, they almost live themselves out - each one a little differently...

Originally I started writing them out detail-by-detail - thinking writing them would get it out of my head. But I can't post it - it's just too much, it wouldn't be right. Understandable it's only my dreams but posting the details goes too far.

As I said my dreams involve a child, the child is me. In each dream I'm a different age, ranging from about 4 years old to 11ish. There's a man, who is my father, I never see his face (and let's note his build looks nothing like my real father).

In each dream he molests me at night in my bedroom (my real bedroom, my bed, my possessions are all there). He's mean, rough and selfish, I don't really fight him nor cry too much... in some I do. In the dreams in which I'm older it just seems as though I'm used to it - I hate it, but I'm compliant.

As I said earlier these dreams are so damn clear and detailed, they disturb me, yet when I wake up from them, I'm wet. I don't know why, I don't know what’s going on with me. It's bad enough having these dreams night after night, remembering them, but then to wake up with my cunt dripping wet... it puzzles me...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Suit & The Jean Queen

The Suit is what I planned to call my new guy... Note the past tense used - about a minute ago I called him to end someting that wasn't happening.
But here's a little about The Suit, The Jean Queen, what could have been and why I'm a little sad.

I planned on calling him The Suit, because he was just so serious, proper, fancy and he wore suits to work each day. And I'm the Jean Queen, layed back, giggly, and down to earth and I wear jeans to work each day :)
I loved that we were such opposites I think it made us good for each other. But we knew each other for quite a while and there was so much missing. I recently informed him of all I thought about that - he agreed and we both agreed to work on it.

Our kinky sides - it was a little scary to me that we already knew this about each other - it was good, but overwhelming. One of my last post's - Black on White should give you all a glimpse into what he was interested in and in what he got me interested in. But he wanted to move forward with this quite quickly, I wanted to build something stronger between us. We decided to move forward with both.

He's truly an alpha male in all respects. He decided where we ate, he had impecable taste, and I loved going to all these amazing restaurants; granted I usually had no idea what I was reading on the menu - but he'd show me... and I loved that. I loved having this feeling of being taken care of. We had fun together, I think I was a little too fiesty and sarcastic for him, but then again sometimes he was too serious for me.
I did something a little corny while dating him - on each date I always kept something. A cork from the bottle of wine on our first date, a matchbook from the restaurant, a playbook from a broadway show... a little part of me thought this was the man I was going to end up with and these were little things that made me smile to think I would look back on. I was proud to be with him, I couldn't wait to introduce him to my family and to meet his. I thought I found what I was looking for - a man, a real man who was successful and down to earth, respectful, trustworthy, honest, and kinky.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Something Wicked This Way Comes

How are you Joey?"
"I've had better days"

It was recently brought to my attention that I've had better days is my usual response lately... hell I've had better months!
I'm not sure what has brought me down - but life is boring, monotonous, - day in day out...
No more evenings at Morgan’s where I just knew my pussy would be getting pounded. No more trips to CT where I'd be used and made to feel so absolutely submissive. Barely any more rendezvous with BFWB where we were just so fucking in sync with each other.

What is going on here?

CT is out of the picture - I'm done. I saw the man in a broken state, and I lost all respect for him. I could never proudly kneel on my knees before him nor offer my holes for his use. He was desperate, nervous, cold, and broken. I can think back to that moment and instantly I'm turned off, he was pathetic.

Morgan and I are trying to work this out. He finally told me the words I longed to hear, the words I longed for him to feel for so long now.
He loves me.
But does this come at a point that's just too late? I'm not sure - I love him as well, but he's 200 miles away and he doesn't want a LDR (long distance relationship). So I asked him - how can you love me and be ok with the fact that I'm seeing someone else. He said it was because it would be unfair of him to ask me not to be with anyone else.
Heh, I guess if the two of us are suppose to be together it'll work out... There's so much more to this to explain... but too much. Meanwhile he recently told me he's afraid of losing me. Does this mean he now wants a LDR and if so, maybe it's too late for that as well (on my part).

BFWB and I have bad, bad, bad schedules and that's pretty much the only reason we don't see more of each other.

My new guy... I'm still working on a name for him for the blog... for now I'll just tell you that things are moving so freaking slowly. I have more on him to come - another post.

Besides this lackluster sex life, life itself seems so very boring. Things seem to be heading in the wrong direction and I'm just wallowing in the wrongness of it all. I'm trying to fix some of it - but other obstacles seem to be out of my control.
But something I've learned is that when life gets boring, or it seems as though I'm stuck in a rut... something wicked this way comes.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Black on White

A short story.

It's early Friday evening... I'm in grand central, and making my way onto the train.
I'm very particular about where I sit on the train, and usually get the same seat each day. But this train is different than the others (don't ask me why) and it totally throws me off, so I end up sitting in a three seater row.

There is a black guy across from me in the two seater and asks me if the train goes to so-&-so-station… He's young, 20ish and thuggish looking I answer him and proceed to sit down.A few minutes later, my cell rings... I get the worst service so I grab my bag and step onto the platform. I take the call and head back onto the train, someone took my seat, a black man in his 30's, wearing a suit. I sit down next to him he smiles and says hi (I’ve noticed people rarely do that on the train) I say hi, take my book out, put my ipod on…

A few minute later another guy sits next to me and guess what – he’s black.

First off, as many of you know men rarely sit next to me and when they do... bad things have happened:

Once I was groped and fondled, another time a man in his late 50's tried doing something like that... I've had a guy pretend to be interested in a business venture... (he was in the same industry) while he really just wanted to fuck me, another time this guy rubbed himself while sitting next to me.. Oh I get the fun ones!

Did I expect it with one of these men?I wasn't sure what to expect, yet something wasn't right... surrounded by 4 black guys on a predominantly white train… odd.

So here I am sitting between these guys, and that last one to sit… in his 40's nicely dressed.The one to my right (who had taken my seat) was definitely good looking; tall, strong look, sweet smile and obviously friendly. I’m usually not attracted to a black man, and to be honest I’ve never been with one.

I go on reading oblivious to the rest of the world, but I can't concentrate on my book while sitting between these two men. Oh and another thing about the train - body contact. There is very, very little body contact despite the fact that you’re practically sitting on top of each other. Therefore when knees or legs touch, immediately one moves their leg away.

The man on my left, his leg moved to mine so that it was leaning and he didn’t move it. About 10 minutes later, the man on my right moved his hand onto his thigh but in a manner so that he was also touching my thigh. Normally I’d shift or move so they'd get a hint to move themselves away from touching me... but I didn't. This slight bit of body contact and thoughts of the some recent conversations I’ve had with my new guy regarding interracial sex, the beauty in the contrast of color, and that natural dominance a black man would have to a white woman… well it all had me turned on. I’m thinking what an amazing coincidence it is that at this particular time, I'm seated between two black men who both are touching me in some sort of way. I was fully turned on, and even though they were both only lightly touching I was completely aware of it. There was a little something uncomfortable and weird at first, because it wasn't just one - it was both of them but I liked it. Maybe it was the dominanting feeling I got sitting between them, two tall good looking black guys, I’m between them, they're touching me, one's all smiling and hi at me, the other keeps glancing down my shirt and there I am thinking of them fucking me. It was overwhelming, such a turn on and I that submissive-ish feeling crept through me.

I went home to masturbate with thoughts of these two men leaving the train with me to go fuck me all the while my new guy watched. I’m not one who likes to be watched though I’ve fantasized about it… And with the right guy (possibly the new guy) this could be a whole new fun experience.

Will I look for black men on the train to sit next to now? Maybe I will… but then I’ll never finish a book ;)

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Bad Bad....Blogger

I've been such a bad blogger in the last few months... I'm sorry all.
I have a delicious upcoming story to tell you all about while I was up at Morgan's the other weekend...

For now I'll leave you with this...my new collar (metal rings wrapped in satin,with a pretty satin bow tied behind my neck).














Sunday, January 29, 2006

Wow, Really?!

And there I was, laid out on this bed, those soft familiar red flannel sheets underneath my naked body. My arms spread out on either side of me, tied to his foot-board, our new ball-gag placed in my mouth, blindfolded, and my new collar tightly around my neck. He roped it through it's hoops and tightly strung it to the foot-board. Unable to move my head, nor speak, nor see... I was all his to use and I loved every bit of rope and cloth restricting me.

He slapped my face, "Are you my whore?" "Mmmhmm" was all I managed to muffle out.
(Whoa, whoa, whoa wait a minute - Did Morgan just slap my face and use the word whore??! Wow, this is going to be good I think to myself.) "And my whore should want to please me, you want to be a good whore and please me isn't that right?!" As his hands are softly resting on my cheeks.. SLAP, again he slaps my face. I cry out somewhat....
He then binds my breasts with black electrical tape, he slaps them - I pull at my bound arms - I moan - I'm in heaven.

He then spreads my legs, bends them at the knee, wraps the rope around my ankles and then the other end of the rope to the headboard. He then uses the red stretchy cloth wrapping it around my thighs and to the foot board, this only helps in spreading my legs further apart and constricting the movement of my legs. He tells me how I should want to please him, my master. When he says that it's weird, I don't view Morgan as my "Master" even during our play session, because while he's taken on this dominant role, it doesn't have the characteristics of a Master. He lightly slaps my inner thighs with the crop. I'm so surprised by all his actions that I keep thinking; Holy shit I have to remember every minute of this - I have to write about this! And now as I think back (ps this was all written as soon as I got back home) it becomes quite hard to recall what he had done - each and every amazing minute of being his whore.

I then feel his fingers at my cunt, sliding them up and down my slit, I'm dripping wet, he tells me how he loves when his cunt is dripping for him (ok reality check here - will the real Morgan please stand up!). He teases me with his fingers - I moan slowly, softly, I pull at my arms and legs.. they barely move an inch, my back arches, my nipples harden I love this feeling of being bound by him, for him... I moan again, soft purr like moans. I'm craving more... then a vibrating feeling, slowly pushing inside me.. in and out soft and slow for a few strokes, then faster and harder.. fucking me with the vibrator. Quivers are running up and down my body, I'm moaning though the ball gag (which ps - is kinda hurting me at this point) harder quicker the vibrator is pushed in and out of my pussy... and I cum... I deliciously cum for him.
He tells me that is what good whores get - they get fucked, they get to cum. I'm so overwhelmed by his actions, his worlds, my orgasm, that I can barely acknowledge him. He takes the ball-gag out of my mouth, tells me to keep silent but to relax my jaw. With that comment I look forward to feeling his cock on my lips... waiting.. waiting.. waiting.. no cock.. He steps off the bed, he's meddling with something and at this point I have no idea what he could be up to.... I hear his footsteps trail out of the room. I lie there still tied, and blindfolded, it's dark, it's quiet and I can't believe all that he's done to me. The name calling, the slaps to my face, the way I'm bound, I love it all and I'm still in shock by all of these actions.

Monday, January 16, 2006

The New Man

I have no idea where to start this or how to start this and that's why I've put this off.

My new guy.

I've come to the decision that I need to have an open-minded loving man who is interested in the same things as I (sexually speaking here folks) in order for me to be satisfied. I cannot be in a marriage with a completely (ugh I hate this term) vanilla husband. I don't think I'd be happy, I don't think I'd stay faithful. I've been in vanilla relationships, but yearned for more. And so one night while on the computer checking my emails one of these lovely dating sites I saw a picture of a very good-looking man. His pictures were adorable, what he had written about himself - even better, and there in the essay he mentions that he's sexually unconventional and two letters written afterwards "D/s". I couldn't help myself, I rarely contact guys, but he was online at the time and I couldn't resist iming him.

Two months and four dates later...
He's wined me and dined me well. I'm not used to this type of man, well-to-do, smart, down to earth (and yes he's older than I). He intimidates me a bit, I find myself somewhat quieter around him. But I like him; I like our chemistry so far. He's good for me and I think I'm good for him. But there are things about him - I think I'm a little too much of a smart-ass girl for him, and my sarcasm... but that's just me! He reads me well, a little too well; I hate it (ok so I secretly like it a bit)... go figure! He's an alpha male by nature, and resonates just that. I think this is where those smart ass comments conflict with his natural dominance.

Now when it comes to the unconventional sex side... He's put new ideas in my head, new things to do and try. Things that would just blow you all away. Things that blew me away... I have a hard time admitting that I want to try these things (but I do want to), and that I might actually enjoy all of this. When it comes to D/s, he's not looking for the standard D/s roles, he's more interested in the mental aspect of it. (Perfect!)

All of this adds a new dimension to the courting stage we're in- I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm more open with him, more open than I've ever been with anyone who I've been dating for just so long, therefore I don't know how far to go with things, and where to slow down with things.

This is tricky to me, and I have no one to go to for advice... Can't tell my best friend, Misery... Umm things are going well, and we already have fantasies mapped out we'd like to try but we're still getting to know each other...
Do I hold off somewhat, pull back on the relationship? I'm thinking I need to be more of a go-getter right now. I'm feeling as though I've been playing the naughty but yet inhibited girl. Actually I have done just that as he said to me the other night, "Joey you are the most free inhibited person I know". Maybe it's time to raise the stakes, start seeing him more often and do other things rather than going out to dinner. I need to get to know more of him, interact with him... I feel as though I can fall for him. I think this relationship could be amazing but I just have to stop being shy with him, I need to show him more of me, more of Joey.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

New Year...

My mind is in a million zillion pieces... It's a new year - did I mention I hate the new year?! Everyone rattle tattles on... starting over, blah, blah, blah, new beginnings, blah, blah, blah, another chance, blah, blah, blah. No - we are not starting over, I don't get to erase my bills and start with a zero balance. It's not a new beginning - it's just a continuance of the day before, we go back to work, we continue dropping off and picking up the kids from school, we do our laundry, cook dinner, etc... our daily lives continue. And it's not another chance - another chance at what?
Just as I always freak out before a birthday - I freak out around the New Year - another instance of how I hate change.

This year brings about changes for me - changes I don't want to face, changes that scare me, changes that I might actually look forward to...

On another note.

Morgan. I'm going up to visit him next weekend, I'm excited.

That's about it for now folks... I was sick with the flu and bed-ridden for quite a few days... I'm feeling better now and hopefully I'll be back in the swing of things.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

I was always told...

to think before I speak.

I have a horrible habit of just talking. My whole life this has gotten me in trouble. When I was a little girl I was often yelled at and warned for what came out of my mouth. As a teenager it only became worse, and as I sat home punished on a Friday night, my dad would shake his head and say - Joey honey, how many times have I told you, you need to think before you speak. I'm notorious for it.

I'm grumpy today....
Earlier on I was talking to Morgan, during our conversation he said to me... "How come anytime I do something nice, you question it?" "Because I don't trust you". That was my reply - (I have a mirror by my desk) I looked at myself in the mirror in awe and thought - FUCK - did I just say that?!
He was upset, really truly upset... Soon afterwards he had to go... Later he called me back, angry and told me to think about this for a few days and call him then.
Well here I am thinking about all this, I've been thinking about this non-stop. I tried telling him that of course I trust him, he's my friend. But at the same time... I don't completely trust him. And he wants to know why. Morgan hasn't done anything for me to distrust him.... so why do I?


So, here you go Morgan, here are your reasons, as to why I don't trust you:
1. In a very important time of need, you were only partially there for me.
2. You tell me about plans you have, then you tell me about other plans - they always contradict
each other - what should I believe?
3. You don't know it, or you may, but somehow and somewhere along the last few years, I unintentionally fell for you, and you unintentionally hurt me. How can I trust someone who hurt me, even if it were unintentional.
4. Sometimes it has felt as though you keep our friendship a secret.
5. You know how to handle me, how to deal with me, how to talk to me, how to make me smile, no one has ever known all of that - it should give me more reason to trust in you, but since you've moved it makes me want to take a step back from you.
6. You've broken promises.

And here are reasons as to why I do trust you:
1. If there were a time I needed you, I know you would be there for me.
2. If there were a time you needed me, I would be there for you.
3. You're one of my closest friends and I know you would never hurt me.
4. You're a good person and you have a huge heart, and that is something rare.
5. You know how to handle me, how to deal with me, how to talk to me, how to make me smile,
how to make me open up, and no one has ever known all of that.
6. I can tell you and do tell you my deepest secrets.
7. I'm completely myself when I'm with you.
8. I care about you more than you know.


Morgan I trust you. I adore you, and I'm sorry for saying that.
Since you've been gone I'm filled with a million different emotions, and when I'm feeling uncertain, I second guess myself, I second guess you.

On another note, we have amazing sexual chemistry. And while I'm aware that you know that's not all we have, you make it feel that way sometimes. Before you moved we both agreed that we wouldn't be with anyone else physically. I was content with that. Maybe I was content with it because you were 8 minutes away from me, or because we saw each other almost every night in which we cuddled or fucked or kissed or just talked all night long. But now, keeping that decision, keeping that promise to each other confuses me. While it still assures us that we aren't with any one else... what else does it do?! It doesn't put you here for me to talk to, it doesn't allow us to see each other when we've had bad days, it doesn't let us cuddle at night watching tv, or go to dinner together, or actually see a movie with each other. So what are we doing??? I'm aware that you can't answer that, I'm not sure if I could…
And as I write down all these feeling for you to read, as I've now completely opened up my thoughts to you, I wonder if I'll regret this.... Maybe I should have said all this to you in person, I'm not sure that I could have.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Bumblefuck, NY

I can't believe that I have not posted in about a month now - but I can believe it - Tis the season to be very busy. Holiday's bring mass craziness to my life just like everyone else.

Before going up to Morgan's new home. We had some long discussions, in the end he wanted to stay physically committed to each other (yet no title)... bullshit if you ask me and at the same time it made me happy to hear. Ugh I'm becoming one of those stupid girls... please someone stop me.... moving along.

Morgan's place is amazing, it's beautiful there, him and the chocolate monster are happy. I really do see an improvement in him... He's his old self again and I was so happy to see that.

I arrived late Saturday night, driving into a bit of a snowstorm, we hung out, chatted, watched some tv together... it was a little awkward at first but soon enough we were both feeling comfortable. Later that evening we had fun together... I just let things be and didn't act any particular way - I was just Joey.

Sunday morning I woke up late, Morgan was up early and watching TV. When I finally stepped out of bed, out to his living room, I saw such a gorgeous view:


Yes, that's his backyard, amazing. That Sunday morning it was lightly snowing and the only word I can use to describe it, is enchanting. He then cooked me breakfast (I didn't even know he could cook!) and we just relaxed. Later that day he took me into town, we drove around, and I got a tour of his town. It's sweet and quaint it's in a place I like to call Bumblefuck, NY. We then went back to his house and watched some Sunday football. (Yup, I'm girl who actually likes watching football.) Somewhere during the 4th quarter of the Jets losing game (what's new?!) Morgan pulled my clothes off... I pulled his off...

I know I usually fill you all in with the juicy details... but let's just say much fun was had.

Though I had this reaction, a reaction I couldn't stand to bear. After each time he made me orgasm there were tears... I think they were tears of sadness, but I couldn't tell. Don't worry, I didn't let him see (I'm slick like that). But for the life of me I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. This didn't only happen Sunday night, it happened each and every fucking time. I'm not one of those women, so why in the world was I crying?!

A little update:

Morgan calls me about a million times a day... Seriously the guy calls me at least 3 times during the work day and usually again in the evening - great I know. But there's been no development with where we are. We were planning on me going up again in January, he misses me, misses the sex, misses us, misses our kinky nights experimenting, misses watching football with me... and so on. I don't know what to do here folks. I think I need to back away, I think I have him in an area in that if I back away from him, maybe he'll just realize the person he may lose.

I met someone new... and I'll get into that with all of you in my next post, it's certainly interesting. I told Morgan I met someone... I'm not sure how he took it; I couldn't read him at all. But maybe with this new guy lurking about, Morgan will make some more solid decisions. I still miss him terribly. And I still can't figure out why in the world the tears were flowing after each orgasm?!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Happy Holidays, X-Mas, Chaunukkah, Kwanzaa and all that!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Our Reunion

I should be excited; I'm finally going to see him.
I'm partially excited; I'm also feeling reluctant, and solemn.
I find it awkward going there, I'm filled with a million different emotions, I've expressed this to Morgan and he agrees that it is awkward.

Part of me doesn't want to go, part of me wants to never see him again, forget about him, that would be the easy way out of this and I can't do that.

I don't know how to go there.
Do I go there as the best friend?
Do I go there as the wanton goddess?
Do I go there as the slut?
Do I go there as sweet Joey the girlfriend that never happened?
Do I go there as the submissive girl, who learned to trust him with every ounce of trust possible?
Do I go there as the dominatrix who will hurt and punish him for every bit of hurt he caused me?

Those are all me - So I can't pick and choose which part I shall play. Besides, I don't think I'm strong enough to go there as just one. I have to go with all of these personas encompassing me.

So, I'll tour his new home and grounds as his best friend.
I'll eat dinner, chat, and kiss him as sweet Joey.
I'll wear his favorite black sexy boots and the corset he never saw as the wanton sex goddess.
I'll suck his cock as his slut.
I'll lie on his bed tied and blindfolded with all the trust in the world a submissive should have. And I'll tie him, torture him, and spank him as his dominatrix.
And through all of that will my feelings of love for him just grow stronger, will this only hurt me ?????

And what's my mission in all of this?
To have him realize everything he has missed by leaving me?
To win him over and have him drooling and wanting more?
To make him forget about Ms. Thang and realize I'm the one?
Or is it my goodbye, my last time I see him, enjoy our time together, maybe I'll finally come to accept that this might be over.
Or is this the time I tell him I love him - probably not - I don't think he deserves to know.

Maybe I'm hurting myself even more by doing this- going there. Although, I'll never know if I don't go - right? What is there to know at this point?
UGh.... I'm babbling here..
My thoughts are so scattered (as you can see) I can't seem to collect them and figure out what to do with all of them.

I feel as if I need a game plan - what I'm doing, why I'm doing and how I'm doing all of this......

I'll be leaving Saturday.

Monday, November 21, 2005

MA!

"Ok Ma..."
"Yea Ma..."
"Why do you say need, has it really come to that point in my life where the word need and boyfriend should be in the same sentence??"
"I don't think so Ma. I'm fine, I'm fine!"
"Joey, listen to me - you have to find a man, a boyfriend, someone to share your life with, someone to have fun with, someone to eventually start a family with."
"Ma, I'm only 26, I'm doing just fine, I'll find someone - I'm not worried."
"Ok Ma..."
"Yea Ma..." (I'm not in the mood to argue with her. We just made up from a 2 week argument. I'm sitting outside my building, it's a pretty day maybe the pleasant weather can keep me somewhat sane with where this conversation is about to go.)
"You have to put yourself out there Joey and date!"
"Mom, I just went on two dates" (Ok so it was only one, but two sounded better. A woman walks by me, she looks at me and smiles at hearing this... I assume she can relate.)
"When did that happen?? How did it go?"
"The other week, and they were pretty bad"
"Well then Miss Joey you need to have four more lined up....Joey you're 26 already...."

I hate these phone calls, sometimes she gets to me, sometimes she doesn't... Today was a mixture, at first she didn't, but then later on in the evening she got to me, it all got to me.

I know I should date more often. I was pretty proud of myself for going on one damn date. It was horrific; it makes me never want to go on another again. A full waste of my evening, I can't even look at it as a free dinner... (I'm just not one of those girls).
It's hard to meet men (at least men that are interested in dating and not just sex), yes I do the whole internet dating thing - god that sucks.

I wish I'd meet someone in a spectacular sort of way. I've always dreamed of literally bumping into him at Grand Central Station. Oh I know - how cliché of me! But I'm a dreamer - and a bit of a romantic (though I barely let it show). Now don't go making fun of me!
Every day I wonder what the future holds for me, I often wish I could peer into a crystal ball and see myself in ten years.... Most people don't want that - I do.

I know I haven't written about Morgan, it's painful to write about him. Forget even writing about him, I can barely watch tv shows that we had watched together, Simpsons and Family Guy are no longer part of my weekly tv shows - they just make me miss him. But we talk very often, still haven't seen each other... I don't want to get into this right now. For some reason my brain led me here to write about it, but I'm now slowly stepping away.

I saw BFWB the other week. He snuck me into the firehouse. Years ago when we were in college he would sneak me into this particular firehouse, it reminded us of those days... Matter of fact, I'll post about our little meeting separately.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

CT's Object

When I got there, I was relaxed not nervous as I usually am. I think he picked up on that, because the minute I stepped into the house he lunged at me, grabbing my throat. He likes to scare me, and he did it well. I stepped back away from him, only to end up against the wall.... my throat held tightly by his large hand, he kisses me. He grabs my hair, pulling at it as he led upstairs to his bedroom.

Once upstairs, I'm (literally) thrown down on the bed, he grabs my throat and chokes me, slaps my face. At this point I'm trembling, and whimpering (and dripping wet). He lies on top of me choking me, watching me trying to gasp for air. He watches with an intensity that scares me, I can't look at him, so I close my eyes and my fists pound against his arms till he finally lets go and allows me to breathe. He softly rubs my cheek, as I'm coughing and trembling, he tells me to calm down, he tells me I'm safe and he won't hurt me - and I know that. I'm still trembling and breathing heavy, trying to calm down - he's never been so rough with me.

He then told me that he was going to use me very roughly, (he's had very bad month, going through lots) and that he's going to take out all his frustrations on me. I was going to be used and humiliated, and made to feel like nothing more than a ragdoll.
He pulls me to him kissing me roughly, he had a 5'oclock shadow and the stubble hurt my face badly. I kept pulling away - he would only pull me back by my hair and continue the rough and sloppy kisses.
He pulls off my shirt and bra up over my head, not concerned at all with his roughness, pulling my hair with it. I cry out, he smacks me.... he pushed me back down on the bed, still holding me by hair, he starts to slap my breasts, he yells at me for not coming to him and serving him sooner, and that I cannot serve him only when it's convenient for me...I apologize and beg him to stop...
He stops, pulls his pants off, and tells me to suck his cock.
I don't crave sucking his cock (as with others I do), it's extremely wide and fat... it's not much fun for me; I really have to work at it. My jaw sometimes starts to hurt and I can't take it down my throat as much as I'd want to. But as told, I slither down to his cock and suck. My head is pushed down further, choking me, gagging me, my eyes water.
I sucked him for quite a while, often pulling away because his cock just hurts my throat and jaw, when doing so he forces me back onto him.

Finally he pushes me off and lies me down. He instructs me to rub my clit, as he gets on his knees above my face and fucks my mouth like a cunt. He's facing my body, watching my fingers play with my clit, his balls on my face... I hate touching myself in front of him, he knows this, I hate this position, and he knows this too... He calls me a slut, whore, bitch... He holds my hand down on my cunt and continues to fuck my mouth while his balls lie on my face, my eyes and nose. I'm humiliated, I wanted him off of me, and I was also beyond dripping wet. He teases me and says, "I know you love this position bitch", “you love performing for your Master"... I hated it even more, crying out throughout sucking his cock and trying to pull my head away - but I just couldn't.
He told me that it's time for my cum feeding and that I'm to swallow all of his cum.... (Truth is - I'm no cum whore, I really don't enjoy swallowing). I fought and fought till he got annoyed stood over me and jerked off above me till he came all over my face, neck, hair.... He then got up, got me a towel and told me to clean myself off.
I cleaned my face off, and neck... I was tired, but horny - so horny.
He lied down next to me and touched my body lightly rubbing his hands over my tits, stomach, thighs.... (This is where he gets all mushy on me) He tells me how special I am, how much he cares for me, and that he truly loves me... I stay quiet and just listen to him.
I'm tired and want to sleep it's prolly about 2 am. He gets up and puts on a movie, I know he wants me to watch it with him but I could care less, I was tired. I end up falling asleep. I'm sleeping lightly (which isn't like me), I can hear the movie in the background and I feel his hand on my body.
I wake up on my stomach with his hands rubbing my back, my ass and down to my legs. I feel that my cunt is still dripping wet, and there's a spot on the bed underneath me... Each time his hand reaches my ass, I raise it up for him presenting it to him, hoping he will touch my cunt, rub my clit... anything!
He lightly touches my cunt... my clit... and drags his wet fingers up over to my ass... where he plays. I hate this, and I quickly drop my ass down... "Be a good girl for me" he says slowly and reluctantly I raise my ass for him.
He's next to me on his side facing me, his arm underneath my head. He touches and plays with my hole... I whimper into him, begging him not to. (I hate it, I always have, and I've never let him go there. But he's always made it clear that one day he will claim my ass). As I quietly begged him not to he said, "Shhh... shhhh... it's time to be a good girl for me, just relax". He began to push his finger in, I cried out, he pushed my head down onto his arm (he had a shirt on) to muffle me.
He fingered my ass, I whimpered and cried when he put a second finger in, he made me keep my ass raised for him and as he fingered my ass. I begged him to stop, told him he was hurting me. But that night he enjoyed hurting and using me, he told me to take the pain, he told me to cry, it will only make his cock harder.

I could have cried, it hurt so badly but I didn't want to give that to him. He wasn't going to get the satisfaction of seeing my tears.... My body trembled and quivered as he kept going, thrusting his fingers harder into me, faster. He kept my head pressed into him as I practically screamed for him to stop.
He tried calming me down, he slowed down, yet kept his fingers in me. He talked softly into my ear, in the smoothest soft voice, telling me to calm down, and relax my body... He moved his arm and laid my head into the pillow; he stroked my hair, and then started pushing his 2 fingers in and out my ass again... Telling me what a good girl I'm being, and how much I'm pleasing him. I lied there with my head in the pillow whimpering for him... I have no idea how long he did that... but it felt like such a long time. After he was done, I turned my body away from him lying on my side with my back to him.... I was partially angry at him... and again felt so used. He rubbed my back, my arms, my legs... his hands still on me... he never stops touching me. Again I fall asleep for a bit....

I wake up cold, the blanket is off of my body completely, I'm on my back and his hand is on my cunt, his mouth on my nipple and he puts another hand over my mouth. "Not a word, cunt".
I close my eyes, and remain quiet; lying there like the object I am for him. He toys with my body, licking my nipples, my breasts, pinching my pussy lips, my clit. I cry out - he smacks my face "I don't want to hear a sound from you."
I turn my head and look away from him...
He slips a finger to my clit, playing with it, rubbing it, I do my very best not to make a sound but its torture, absolute torture! I'm also so very tired and somewhat out of it... I just want to go back to sleep, but he continues with his game. I can't take it much longer and I slip, I moan, a soft quite moan.
He smacks my face, and then he instructs me to lie on my side. He lies down behind me on his side, reaches for my cunt, getting his fingers wet and then rubs them onto my ass hole....


I begin to tremble, I'm afraid to beg him not to do this, I'm afraid to stay quiet
He pushes one in... I lie there silent....
Then he places his cock against me
He moves his arm underneath my head and places his hand over my mouth. To be honest, at this point I'm scared to death - I hate anal, I fear it, it hurts me unbelievably.

His cock is still up against my hole, he hasn't pushed in. I can't understand what I did so wrong to deserve this tonight. He slowly starts to push in I scream out but his hand muffles me, I'm shaking, crying, he pushes more....

He then stops, and lies in that position with me for a few minutes. I don't dare try to say anything; the room is quiet except for my cries. He then tells me that I am to fall asleep in this position. He promises not to push any further. I can't believe he wants me to fall asleep like this - I think it's impossible.

His cock head is pushed into me somewhat, it's stretching me and hurting. His arm is still around my neck with his hand over my mouth. I lie there crying, he strokes my forehead and temple... I end up falling asleep.

I wake up close to 6, his cock is out of my ass and I'm sore. I rush to get home before anyone wakes up and notices sweet Joey missing from bed.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Train Thoughts

So many men take my train, most are married. I wonder how many cheat, how many are faithful and are in healthy, happy marriage. How many wish have affairs, or online affairs. I'm always so interested in married men, what makes them want to cheat or stay faithful, women as well - but men just appeal to me more ;)
I sometimes think that I'm so attracted and fascinated with all this because maybe I'm afraid that my (future) husband might stray... Moving along...

Sometimes I spot a man or two that appeal to me; I picture myself on my knees blowing him. I keep glancing over at one right now; he's not very handsome - but something about him. He's older than I (of coarse) prolly 40-something. I wonder how he'd respond while I suck on his cock. Would he hold a fistful of my hair or would he pet my head and say "good girl"? Or maybe he'd just lie back and enjoy it, moaning softly.

Tonight I have to admit my cleavage looks delicious (I love how they bounce as the train rides over bumps). Blowjob guy glanced over at me (and them) when he boarded the train - but didn't sit next to me. Men usually don't sit next to me (I have no idea why?!). But, tonight there's a man next to me - though there is an empty seat between us. He 40ish as well, kind of short, pudgy, wearing a horrible outfit (I won't waste my time describing it) a beard cut short, somewhat balding, and he has dark circles around his eyes. I wonder how he fucks a woman. I wonder if he's has sex often, hmmm no ring. He's glanced over at my cleavage a few times now, but he's careful (aka - he thinks I didn't know -we always know). I have an urge to slip him a note: "What's your favorite position?"
HA - I would love to see his reaction, that would be great, but I'm too much of a chicken to do such a thing.

I'm in the mood tonight - maybe I'll call BFWB, he's always a sure thing when it comes to blowjobs (unless he's working). Hmmm... Let’s make a call....
Damn got his voicemail - can't even leave a raunchy message being that I'm here on the train. I'll text him: "Is your cock available tonight, because my mouth is."
Let's see if he calls.


It's now about 12am... he didn't call back, which most likely means he's working tonight. This also means - no cock for me to suck tonight.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Cravings, Kisses, Bonds, Blindfolds

I miss the bonds, the red bungee stretchy material we used; wrapped around my wrists, over my thighs and pulled across my cunt tight enough that it teased my clit, up over my shoulders where the straps crossed paths behind my neck and back down to my breasts, each one wrapped causing them to balloon out, then the material brought up around my neck and knotted. His hand pulling at my hair or taking mine leading me wherever he chooses - be it the bed or the floor. The soft silk scarf used as our blindfold over my eyes - seeing nothing but darkness - only hearing his words, feeling his breath against my skin.

I miss laying him down on the bed, taking time in choosing my method of tying him with the red cloth around his ankles, wrists and neck. Binding his cock slowly, carefully with black electrical tape. Then having my way with his beautiful body laid out for my use.
My kisses falling down his neck to his chest, licking, nibbling his nipples. Running my tongue over his balls, up over the tape till I reach the smooth, hard head in my mouth, sucking on it hungrily. Tasting drops of pre-cum, hearing him softly breathe as I explored more of him.
Teasing him - letting him lick my juices off of my lips and tongue, finally putting my pussy up to his mouth presenting to him more of what he craves.

I miss his kisses, and our long make-outs, the warmth of his lips against mine (it's been so long). I miss him kissing my face, my cheeks, and my nose causing me to giggle. Running my hands through his hair, pulling him closer to me. His cock against my pussy, spreading my legs for him as he slowly thrusts into me.

Our bonds, blindfolds, kisses, his hands, his body, our chemistry.
I miss it all, I crave it deeply.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Rut

Remember bad things happen in 3's. I was up to number two... and then number three came along. And while I was dealing with this I had been away from here, and away from everyone else's blogs - please forgive me - I promise to catch up.


Life has been somewhat quiet with Morgan gone. I now have quite the boring routine:
Work -> Home -> TV Shows, Dinner-> Sleep. I gotta fit the gym in there, ehh I'll start that next week.
He and I talk often and nothing has been resolved or figured out yet - mostly because we haven't seen eachother. I'm supposed to go up there the first weekend in November - it's still pending - but if I do go up, I'll be back with answers, many answers. I think I'm too nice to him, too caring, and too forgiving. I need to stop being like this, it's not fair to myself. So I plan on having it all out with him - everything, how I feel, how he makes me feel, and what the hell are we doing????

In the meantime, I've been low, low, low, on cash and took up a waitressing/bartending job. HA - Guess where?! THE BAR, yea the place Morgan had worked at. I've worked at this place before - yet a different location. I'm only working Saturday nights and mostly waitressing, it's not bad. There's something I love about the restaurant business.

I apologize for the boring post. But I'm in such a rut, let's hope things pick up soon.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

On, off, on.... Off

TYD decided he wanted back, I wasn't sure if I should go there or not - mostly in fear that he'd back out - again. (We last left off when he had decided to end this but we still kept in touch and through that he had changed his mind.) He promised not to back out again, and I promised to be a better sub to him.... (I was a bit bratty).

We met in the park; I was instructed to bring rubber bands and my paddle brush. I expected to receive a severe spanking - it was certainly due. In our spot in the park he sits on the bench. I am on my knees in front of him; he lowers my shirt and then my bra. As he used to do, he gropes and fondles my breasts; he tells me I'm in for a bit of pain, I nod "Yes Sir". He asks for the rubber bands, placing one around each breast, then another and another and another, I end up losing count more than 5 less than 10ish?! God damn, they hurt and to make it worse, he squeezes and starts to slap them. At first, he hits each breast hard but goes slow. I whimper with each slap. As seconds pass he becomes more aggressive, the dominance grows, hitting my rubber banded tits harder and faster, over and over. I raise my shoulders and cover myself with my hands, hearing his annoyed voice "Move those hands away"... After doing that a few time me makes me put my hands on the back of my head which only; A) presented my tits better to him and B)I now had to make a conscious effort to keep my hands on my head - that was bad. The beating went on and on, in my moments of weakness all I could do to was hunch downward as to protect them. He pushed me up by my shoulders, and slap after slap to my tits. It stung, it burned, it hurt - a lot. I was on the verge of tears but not once did I plead for him to stop. During the beating I tried to embrace the pain, to take the pain my Dom is giving me with some sort of happiness - I couldn't though, and I couldn't believe I was doing this.
And I don't mean "this" as in the whole situation, I liked the situation, I like him using me, I mean "this" in that he was fully beating my tits, my girls - the girls I love and cherish, and who shouldn't be subject to something so, so painful.
When he finally stopped my tits felt hot, so hot. He pulled the rubber bands off then dragged his nails across the top of my tits just to torture me that much more.
TYD instructed me to take his cock out - I did, he let me suck it - asked me if I was happy and I certainly was - I enjoy sucking his cock. He then stood up, told me not to move my head (his cock still in my mouth) and proceeded to fuck my face well. He choked me with his cock completely and ends up cumming on my face.

Throughout the whole time we both had heard noises in the woods that lay behind the fence that surrounds the small park. He was creeped out and it was late so we left.

On my drive home, my breasts hurt so badly and I was in shock at what I had done. He really had beat them - I didn't cry though - that only made me see that it's extremely hard for me to completely let go and cry for someone in that matter. I think I need to have a real connection with the man who will bring me to tears for him during our sex play.

Once home I tended to my wounds - and oh boy was I wounded! My breast looked horrible. I didn't fine anything remotely erotic/hot about the giant (GIANT!!) bruises that covered them. They were past the blueish purple - they were redish and blue in color. I was ashamed and a little embarrassed. I didn't regret what I had done but I knew I was not going to do it again. I waited a few days before talking to TYD - I needed to be 100% sure that I wanted this to end.
I didn't end it because I didn't like what he had done - it's just that he's a bit of a sadist and I'm not a masochist. As a good friend of mine put it - I like to be used and not abused.
TYD needs a masochist, a girl who will crave the abuse and the pain....

This all happened quite a few weeks ago, it took at least 2 full weeks for my girls to heal.

He and I still chat - and only chat.

Friday, October 07, 2005

2AM Ramblings...



I had a long talk with Morgan tonight. He explained so much to me such as – he’s renting the house with an option to buy, which is a very big thing he didn't tell me, and he'll have to make that decision in June 06. More importantly we talked about what we had (sexual and not) and how it was amazing. We both expressed the same feelings in that the trust and the comfort and the things we did and explored were all things that we both never had with anyone else, it was amazing - and neither of us want to lose it. He wants to try to work something out (switch on weekends about who goes to whom?). Yet, more importantly he wants us to talk this out face to face.

Yea, exclusivity came up ... he kind of said "While we can't expect each other to be exclusive, in this kind of situation..." I said it too - but I didn't mean it. If Morgan could prove himself, if he could prove that the old Morgan (the fun loving, life living, non-depressed, I'm going to make Joey happy), Morgan was back (as he tells me that he is) I’d stay exclusive to him in a heartbeat. So, did he say that to see my reaction? - because maybe he really wants to stay exclusive - or did he say that because he meant it??!!? And I'm too much of a fucking chicken to ask and to stand up and tell him my exact feeling.
But I'm not a complete chicken...

He had been hanging out with a girl (blugh), she's sort of his neighbor up there, she's young and doesn't live up there but in the summer's she goes on the weekends. Well ends up that Ms. Thang and her family helped him move.... It made me feel kind of crappy. And then talking to him lately he'd constantly say "we", he was talking about him and her. It killed me, I wanted to put my fist through the wall (wouldn’t be the first time), or just lie down and cry. I didn't know what was going on but I knew he was spending time with her... Back to me not being such a coward - I told him how it bothered me. I pre-empted it with how I agreed with the stupid exclusive statement he had made, but at the same time I told him straight out how it hurt me when he told me about her and places they went and the things they did. He responded by telling me - "See, these are things you need to tell me and we need to talk about." NO SHIT ASSHOLE - but we haven't had a single conversation like this where I could have told him.

((I don't know where I'm going with this post - jut getting things out... so that maybe now that it's 2AM I'll be able to sleep.))

We end the convo somewhere along the lines of let's both think about all this and also figure out when I'm going to go up there and we’ll figure out more then.

"I miss you Joey"
"I miss you too"
"Goodnight"
"Goodnight"

...

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Return

I needed and crave it, my heart told me no but my loins and my being were screaming out to me. I succumbed to the pull, the force, the crave.

Earlier on I answered him yes and gave him a time.
I was home now and it was time to prepare. I double clicked open Limewire (so sue me I download music) opened my play-lists and chose Sex. Started my shower and collected all the items needed to prepare myself for tonight. Razors, scissors, lotion, conditioner, perfume, etc... With songs of sex and tempting beats filling the room, I stepped into my shower.

My drive to the house is one where I empty my mind and only keep on music in which makes me feel who I'm about to be.
I arrive, I park, I check the mirror, I lock my car and walk over to the house, I spit out my gum and am impressed with the distance (really such a lady - I know). Standing in front of the house, I walk up the three steps. I stop and look up - it's been such a long time; I feel nervous, I feel excited, I feel nauseous, I want to turn around and go home, I want to continue up the steps. I continue up the steps to the to the porch, taking in a deep breath and expelling it out I take a step towards his door - then I see him, which scares the hell out of me and I jump. He's sitting silently on the porch watching me; he usually greets me at the door. I walk over to him and quietly say hello. He places a thick black ski cap over my head and down over my eyes. He stands up, grabs the front of my throat tightly, all the feelings come rushing back into me - I'm his whore tonight, his sub, his slave, his fuck-toy and his rag doll.

He was angry that I haven't come to him in a long time, I knew he was going to treat me roughly, I knew his goal was to break me down, it was deserved.
He kisses me hard, I don't particularly like kissing him, and I often squirm or try to pull away in which he then holds my throat with a tighter grip. He sits back down and I descend to my knees before him, he pushes my head towards his crotch, I open my mouth and take my Master's cock like second nature. I begin sucking, he pets my head and says "good girl", I'm content. As I suck his cock, I feel him pulling down the straps of my tank top and bra they slide down my shoulder. I don't dare stop sucking as he undresses me; my tank top is pushed down below my breasts and then my bra is roughly pushed down. He holds my throat and my chin with one hand and his other on top of my head and he begins to control my movements, I'm uncomfortable being outside on his porch, I reason with myself and realize that the side of the house is on my left a table and chairs is on my right side and I'm between his legs, so I'm not really so out in the open. He then stands me up, I cover up my breasts immediately, he pushes my hands away, "Never cover this body from me". I'm not 100% comfortable standing naked as it is - worse I'm outside for the world to see - ugh. He removes my jeans, and pulls my shirt and bra off and now I'm suddenly much, much more aware of my nakedness.
He pushes me back to my knees. With his cock back in my mouth I hear every minute sound, and between being blindfolded and naked outside my senses are especially heightened. I suck his cock as I remember he likes it and I'm eager to please him, he notes it, "Ah, good girl you remember just how your Master like his cock sucked, good slave. Look at you, naked on your knees outside for all to see you serve me."

I hate being out on the porch, I wish it would end, it's too open I'm too exposed. "That's it feel the wind blow against that soft skin, feel the breeze rise up against that cunt. It better wet and dripping for me -." With that he moves my head away from his cock, reaches down and touches my pussy - "Mmm, dripping, just as a sluts pussy should be" I whimper at the first feeling of his fingers, I want more, but he moves them away. My mouth hungrily find his cock again, he shoves me down hard onto it, he chokes me, I whimper, my nails dig into his calves. I suddenly hear a car approaching, it stops (at the stop sign) in front of his house, I whimper quietly, and move in as close as possible. I feel scared, even a bit child like. I want him to hide me, protect me from others seeing me. "Do not remove my cock from that mouth" he says as he softly stokes my back ...... the car passes.

He led me up to his bedroom, the TV is on and blaring loud. I hate the TV being on, it becomes my enemy, its booming volume forcing me to listen even harder to his footsteps, to any surrounding sounds - my instinct I now rely on while blindfolded - my ears.
He turns me and pushes down onto my shoulder, I bend down onto my knees he then pushes me forward and I'm lying on his cold glass coffee table. I quickly become frightened, yet stay silent. The cold harshness of the table, it was the last place I had been in this house before I ran out months ago. I hate the feeling of the glass against my skin - it's a sign of relentlessness and punishment.
He places my hands behind my back, I hold my own hands, he lays my face down to one side with my cheek against the table now.
My body is quivering, I'm frightened, the god-damn TV is so loud and I can't hear a thing he is doing, I only hear CNN blaring with news reporter voices and diction filling my head. Suddenly I feel the hard slap of a paddle across my ass - once - I cry out, then again harder, I cry out again. "You will never run out on me again will you cunt?" I meekly say "No Sir". He touches my hands and my shoulder - I know to sit up, he turns me to him and kisses me, then pushes my head to his cock, I quickly find it and enthusiastically suck. "On all fours, like the little bitch you are" I quickly obey and then slightly part my legs before he tells me to. I feel so open in this position and degraded as well. On all fours, sucking and licking him, like a cock-hungry whore. But I love it; my pussy is dripping, dripping down onto my thighs.
He places a very thin collar over my head, it fits tightly around my neck and I feel a leash attached. I'm now his animal. He pulls at the collar, "C'mon plaything - up on the bed" I climb onto his bed - he lays me down and puts his cock (again) into my mouth. "You will swallow your Master's cum you will NOT pull away" I reply, "Yes Sir" but know I will pull away - it's my nature.

A few minutes go by, he pushes my head closer and I know he's going to cum. I pull away - he tries to hold me but he loses grip and I'm able to move my head away. He gets up onto his knees, over me holding my face. I grit my teeth as hard as I can and keep my lips closed, he pinches my nose and I know at some point I'll have to breathe .... I wait it out to the last minute then I try to be slick and not let him see me breath in, but the minute I loosened my lips he shoved his cock deep into my mouth, stretching it, hurting my throat. He held my head down hard and I couldn't move an inch, he fucks my throat, cums, I can barely swallow due the fact that his cock is so far down my throat, I can barely breathe. I manage to swallow, and just as I'm about to really start choking on his cock and his cum he pulls his cock away, quickly grabs hold of my mouth and my throat and forces me to swallow.
I sit up coughing and gasping for air, I'm so turned on it scares me. CT apologizes for having to do it that way but tells me if I don't cooperate there is no other way - but force. He goes to get me a glass of water....never knowing just how much that turned me on.

He then lays me down, making sure my head is comfortable on the pillows - I can tell he did laundry (as always) the sheets smell fresh. We lie quietly for a while as he touches my body - my lips, my pussy, my clit, my clit, his finger inside me now slowly in and out, his thumb on my clit... my back arches and I'm on the borderline of cumming for him. "That's it my pet, cum for me, cum for me, you deserve it" I cum hard and long for him... it felt deliciously good, we lay quietly again, he continues touching my body... I start to fall asleep, he then nudges my head and shoulders, I slink down the bed to his cock, I take it in my hand and am about to lean over his legs. "No toy" he says as he pushes me head away, "lie there by my feet". I lie next to his knees, on my side; I curl up, my back against his legs. He keeps the collar and leash tight, not letting me forget they are there. I almost feel like Princes Leia from Star Wars in the scene where Jabba the Hutt has her collared and on a leash next to him; that scene always did turn me on, seeing her like that -hmmm... no wonder... He strokes my head and I fall asleep.
I wake up to tugging on the collar and the ski cap still covering my eyes. He tugs again; I climb up to him and lie back down. "Time to make use of your holes, girl" He moves me to the middle of the bed and places a pillow underneath my head, he fixes the ski cap so that it's now pulled over the majority of my face, only my mouth and chin are exposed. I'm tired and groggy, I hear him putting a condom on, he's over me, spreads my legs with his knees. "This hole better be hungry and wet for me" His cock pushes into me a bit, I cry out - it hurts. (CT has the biggest cock I have ever! - Anytime he fucks me it hurts in the beginning but this time it was worse). He pushes further, I'm crying out... "What a very, very tight hole, take it cunt, take that pain, take my cock." He starts to fuck me harder; his cock still not fully inside me, the ski cap is starting to rise off of my face as he fucks me. "Can't let this come off - I don't care to see your face, you're my fuck object - a delicious young body with a tight hole, perfect tits and you just happen to have a gorgeous face, which I could care less to see right now". With that said he pulls the cap down over my face again leaving only my mouth and chin visible. He grabs my throat, squeezes and fucks me like an animal or you can say he fucks me just like a fuck object should be.
His cock still hurts me, but I'm happy to be used, it feels good. He instructs me to say that I'm his slave, his whore a few times throughout my cries. I do so, but beg him to stop; I tell him repeatedly it hurts... He then covers my mouth with his hands and tells me to shut the hell up; he doesn't care if he hurts his cunt. This turns me on so much more and my pussy increasingly becomes wetter.
He suddenly stops, yet leaves his cock inside me. "I love stretching your hole" I reply, "Thank you Sir".
I feel his lips on mine, kissing me...Then his hand is on face, and pinching my nose his other hand is holding my chin, his mouth is on my lips and kissing me again, but I can't seem to breathe between the kisses (as one normally does). I try to but I can't he prevents me - there are no between the kisses - he keeps his lips on mine. Then I feel his hips gyrating into me, slowly moving his cock inside my pussy. I start to squirm and I try to take a breath again, though this time I can - it's his breath, it comes from him. This is weird, it feels weird. I soon discover that I can only breathe when he gives me the air to. Overall I'm a bit panicked, but I trust him. Gyrating his cock into me, while breathing into my lungs. I didn't feel human... I didn't know what I felt but it was so weird. I think at that moment I really did feel like an object. His huge hand over my face holding my face while he filled my lungs with his breath, during which the whole time he gyrates and fucks my hole.

He finishes fucking me; I fall asleep next to him. Hours later I wake up it's about 5AM -the ski cap is off of my face, his hand is over my mouth, he pulls the collar tightly as he stretches my pussy with this cock one last time.

I go home tired and used. I sneak into my home - step into the shower, wash away the slut, the whore, the slave and the fuck toy I had been. I step out of the shower, climb into bed and fall asleep as if Joey-the-good-girl has been there all night long.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Seven Things

7 Things to do before I die:
1. Learn to fly a plane & obtain my pilots license.
2. Marry a man who knows me completely
3. Open a bar/restaurant with my sister
4. Vacation in Alaska
5. See the world's rainforests
6. OPEN - With many years ahead of me, I'll obtain more life goals on my way!
7. OPEN - With many years ahead of me, I'll obtain more life goals on my way!

7 Things I can do:
1. Sing
2. Trip and fall at least once a week
3. Run through Grand Central in heels without falling
4. Walk down the street with the utmost confidence
5. Burp like a man
6. Exist as a goddess on my knees
7. Eat with Chopsticks like an expert, even though I don't
particularly like Chinese food

7 Things I can't do:
1. Imagine life without my sister
2. Give a Hand Job
3. Manage Money
4. Mathematics
5. Write in script
6. Roll my "R's"
7. Embrace Change

7 Things that attract me to a man:
1. Humor
2. Strength (in character)
3. Confidence
4. Trustworthy
5. A deep/husky voice
6. A great back
7. Well taken care of teeth

7 Things I say most often:
1. AM/PM (Whenever I say what time it is, it's always followed by am/pm)
2. Not so much
3. Dang! (Napoleon Style)
4. Goddamit
5. FUCK!
6. Dickwad
7. The Fam (in regards to my family)

7 Celebrity Crushes:
1. Marilyn Monroe
2. Nicolas Cage
3. James Spader (in the Secretary)
4. Colin Firth
5. Matthew Fox
6. Luke Wilson
7. Richard Gere

7 people I'd like to do this list: (assuming they have the inclination and the time).
1.Oswald
2.Birdie
3.Cathy
4. Everyone else had done it

Friday, September 23, 2005

How it Came to be - Part II

The Downward Spiral...
Initially, I thought it was bullshit - pure bullshit - how could he feel like this and why?! Things were bad between them, and he had been cheating on her (with me) for a little over a year now. Nevertheless, I started to realize Morgan loved Q; the loss of her, his best friend, the person he was closest to ever in his life was gone, and her family was gone as well - it hit him hard. In his time of need his closest friends all took a step back and decided to wait it out (so to speak). He still went out here and there so that he'd fool us.... but slowly throughout the next six months Morgan became progressively worse.
When he quit his band, it hit me how absolutely depressed he was - for someone to stop doing what they love - their passion, is a very grave moment.

His life became pretty mundane and routine. The only thing he enjoyed was his job, The Chocolate Monster (his puppy), and prolly the time spent with me. Our weeks would consist of Monday - Thursday: Work and then out with guys from work for about an hour or so, they'd go to the bar for a couple of drinks. By time I got home, Morgan was home and on most nights I would go over to his place (by the way he moved out of first floor of the house he and Q occupied to something much worse, dark, dank - we called it the dungeon). We'd talk a lot, watch some DVD's of the Simpsons, or Family Guy (he had no cable and didn't care to get it), massage each other, and sometimes have sex. Friday's: he'd work, then work at the Bar, I'd go hang out and later end up at his place - often sleeping over. Weekends: Saturdays nights were spent together almost always. We'd rent a movie and then progressively (as you've read) our sex life became very experimental and exciting, and we called Saturday nights - "Our crazy Saturdays". Sunday evenings were spent together as well.
Morgan had set-backs; he had a lot of unresolved issues with Q in the beginning. From them living together and separating objects (it was like a divorce), to her friends (guys) getting involved and some pretty immature "shit went down" including fighting and you pretty much just had to keep and eye on you're back.
He was a rollercoaster - but I expected that through the year. He would get sad and depressed. Some nights I'd go over when he was like this, we'd have long conversations or just watch tv - but no matter what we did, he'd feel better when it was time for me to go. And other nights he didn't want to see anyone, including me.

Rock Bottom
About 6 months ago, he stopped calling me, didn't return my calls or take them when I called his job and his cell was turned off at about 6/7 p.m. Something was very wrong, I'd drive by his house every night after that gym to make sure that at least he was home, he always was. But I wouldn't let him get away with whatever he was pulling off... so I showed up at his house early one day, and just kept banging on the door till he answered. It was worst I had ever seen him; he looked horrible, and sick. I yelled at him, asked him what the hell was going on, he told me he had to stop doing everything and just go to bed early - I didn't understand...
Morgan was doing drugs - and I'm talking more than a little weed here and there - but I had no idea. He was doing coke, not often but often enough that it had scared him. He decided to detox himself, hence him going home and straight to bed each night. He told me that he wasn't going to be around for a while, that he needs to do this. I yelled at him, I screamed, I cried, I felt so dumb and naive that I didn't notice all this, I felt that he was gone.... he hit rock bottom and there was nothing at all I could do to help him - I was useless. Before I left, I had calmed myself down and told him that if there was anything he needed at all, at anytime, to just call me and I'll always be there for him. I got into my car and felt awful, seriously am I THAT naive not to see this??!! Oh gosh, I cried all the way, I cried into my sisters arms that night, I cried the next two weeks for there was nothing in the world I could do for him anymore.
Morgan called me about two weeks later, he wanted to talk. To make this somewhat shorter Morgan decided that if he couldn't do this by himself then he had already visited a Rehab in which he would check himself into...

A Ray of Light
Morgan cleaned himself up, he stopped associating with the wrong people. He even saw a doctor so that he had someone to talk to and help him with his depression....
Then our crazy summer began. Throughout the summer we became closer than ever and I started to realize my deep feelings for him.
When we had our talk about being exclusive it also included a lot about him going out again and moving and he said I deserved more and that he wanted to make me happy. It made me so happy just to hear all that, if finally seemed as though the depression and shock and heartache were all passing.

The Conclusion
So that's pretty much the story of Morgan and me. Many parts were left out; such as the time he went upstate, didn't come home when he was supposed to, cell was off and I was left to calling hospitals looking for him. I left out the many times he thanked me for being an amazing friend and sticking around. He told me numerous times how much he appreciated everything I had done. I left out the time (very early on) when he started hanging out with some other girl and I suddenly got left behind - he stopped seeing her right away when he noticed that it hurt me. I left out the part, when very, very recently he came home from being upstate (before he moved up there) with a brochure for a Rodeo that we would go to. I was ecstatic!! I wanted to jump on the bed, I was so happy. I had never told him that I always wanted to go to a rodeo, but he knew - because he knows me and he listens.

Life with Morgan these last few years has had so many ups and downs, just when I thought we made it and the ride has come to an end, it suddenly dropped.

Now-a-day's
Since he's moved we've spoken three times. Once 2 weeks ago, once last week, and yesterday. During our first conversation he told me all about his new house and his new job and how happy he is. A week later he called me and we caught up on what's been going on, well he did most of the talking. Lately he's a bit consumed with himself and I can't really get much of a word in. It's ok because it's all so new to him but it was annoying as well. He asked me when I was going up to see him - I replied, when are you having me. We decided in a few weeks.

Last night was a breakthrough. He sincerely apologized for how he went about the whole moving thing in the wrong way. He said that this was the best thing he could have ever done for himself, but at the same time he realized that I got the shit end of the deal. He asked me how I was doing, I told him it was hard without him home, I told him how getting home from work and not speaking to him and seeing him every night was a huge change and hard to deal with at first... He told me that things have calmed down he's going to change that (well not the seeing part so much) but he misses me and wants to talk more often. We tried to figure out when I was going to see him... he also told me he might be back down on Saturday (I played a little hard to get) and told him I might be away on Sat. Over the next few day's we are going to plan my visit up there. I'm a little reluctant to go, like I'd be hurting myself over again by spending a weekend with him, sleeping with him and all that. But I need to see him, I miss him dearly. We talked for while last night - he joked about me going up there on weekends - I told him yea right. He mentioned something about us, about what we were... whatever that was... it's sort of confusing to write about - but I'm sure when I see him, we'll have that talk that we've all been waiting for. He told me that he missed me, I said the same.
Anyway it was great to talk to him last night; it felt like he was still 6 minutes away from me...



A friend of mine has told me for years that I forgive too easily - maybe I do... It's a lesson I'll learn I guess.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

How It Came To Be - Part I

The Teenage Years
I've known Morgan since I was about 12/13ish.

He lived with my friend's family - her older brother and Morgan sometimes drove us to school. Lol... If you ever ask Morgan - he would tell you about the Hello Kitty perfume I had worn and how it was unbearable (at least to them). I get so embarrassed when he tells the story, I just bury my face in my hands and beg him to stop, he laughs at me and goes on telling the story. Anyway... I didn't know him consecutively through the years, in high school we didn't know each other very well and he never seemed to be at my friend’s house when I was there.

Our Reason
Years later (I was prolly about 19ish) we happened to work at the same Restaurant together. I had absolutely no interest in him - YUCK! He was grungy and had kind of long greasy looking hair. We became friends and would often go out after work with the other servers, or we'd all go see his band play - we had lots of crazy fun nights! While working at the Restaurant together he and a friend of his C.C. would torture me! They’d play pranks on me, constantly, and consistently throughout the nights - it started to disrupt our work and I began to hate them. Eventually we started bickering and the manager had to separate us all during any shifts - it got so bad that I stopped talking and going out with them (PS - He loves to tell those stories as well - but I have to give it to them - they pulled some nice ones on me). Ultimately the pranks stopped, Morgan and C.C. apologized and again we were all friends. We worked together for two years at the Restaurant - two very fun years. But, all waitressing jobs come to an end, I eventually stopped working at the Restaurant and lost touch with Morgan.

The Catch-Up
Years later, and low on cash I went back to the Restaurant to work. It was December and the annual Christmas Party was taking place at one of the Restaurants other locations (No, this was not a chain - I won't work for chains). At the party I ran into Morgan and we were both so happy to see each other. He still worked for the Restaurant and was now bartending at this location (as in my previous posts - the Bar). His long-term girlfriend, Q, was with him that night - he introduced us. Here and there during the night we talked, but then later that evening we ran into each other near the rest rooms (towards the back of the restaurant) - so we caught up some more. Q had a conniption fit, started crying and walked out - Oy Vey!
Later that evening a friend of ours was driving me home from the party, his cell rang - it was Morgan - Q kicked him out of the car and he was stranded. This was all due to him catching up with an old friend (me).

From that night on Morgan and I became good friends. I began to go to the bar with friends on the nights he worked, afterwards the whole lot of us would go out, sometimes Q came along and sometimes she didn't. Sometimes Q was nice to me, and sometimes she wasn't - whatever!
Morgan and Q were dating for years, they lived together as well. Morgan loved Q, her family had become his - which was a big deal. You see Morgan doesn't speak to his family, at about 13/14 he emancipated himself and went on to live with my friend's family. Morgan only speaks to very, very few family members and hasn't spoken to his parents nor siblings for countless years now. Q' s family had become Morgan's family.

The Re-Newed Friendship
Morgan and I starting hanging out, outside of the Bar and Restaurant. We would go to the local hole-in-the-wall have some beer and watch some games, later on his friends would meet up with us (and sometimes Q as well) and I began to go to his house more often (no, Q was not there then). My roommate (at the time) joined Morgan's band, so I began to see even more of him. We grew close, and began confiding in each other.

Obviously him and Q weren't doing so well. I knew it - he knew it, this went on for about a year plus some. He never really confided in me with what was going on with him and Q, but he wasn't happy nor was she....

Then one afternoon we kissed, and I never ever, ever -evereverever- imagined he would kiss as he did - so sweet, so soft, so yummy! Things moved along.... For a long time I was quite uncomfortable (self consciously) with Morgan. I wanted to be - but I couldn't, he noticed something wasn't right, got me to talk about it... Morgan told me that whatever bothered me, ever - I simply needed to tell him and talk about it, there's no reason to let is fester. He also wanted to be honest with each other (we were in a weird situation). I had never met a guy who wanted that, I thought it to be so healthy.

That year we became the definition of friends with benefits. During this whole time Morgan and Q were still together but they spent less and less time together. Then she moved out, they broke up. I can't even begin to describe what Morgan went through. He was miserable, depressed, saddened, lost, etc...
He was a mess but hid it well at first. Little by little he stopped going out, he'd work at the Bar, and go home. I'd go out with the others and later end up at his house.

to be continued...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

NC or Bust!

I'm off on a little business trip to North Carolina.
I'm traveling alone so I'm sure I'll have time to write, but hopefully I'll have some access to a computer so that I can post and catch everyone up on what's been going on with Morgan.

Off to the airport.... wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

Saturday, September 17, 2005

HA! Just my luck

First off, I understand your feelings of guilt... It's only natural.

But - -
You don’t establish a relationship of this type while not being 100% sure about it.
I began to open up, I trusted more.
I trusted your judgment, your guidance, your hand...
You wanted to mold me, you were molding me...

But go, that's just fine.



TYD has decided that he's feeling too guilty (has a gf) and no longer wants to continue our - whatever it was.
Amazing! Right? I'm not particularly upset or sad about this, I'm angry - and ok little bit upset.

So if bad things happen in 3's - What could possibly be Number 3?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Perfect Storm

It's raining.... It hasn't rained since Morgan left.

It's pouring without the thunder, without the lighting. It's the rainstorm we waited for all summer (how ironic), the rainstorm in which he had the spot picked out... In some cozy, secluded area where we would have deliciously enraptured each other.

I imagine our bodies wet and slick, the rain drops falling onto my face and eyelids, down my cheeks, my hair wet, my fingers sliding down his slick back. His cock sliding in and out... the smell of wet grass, the smell of rain. The sounds around us, my soft whimpers, the quiet noises he makes that I can never even try to describe - and the rain... our two bodies entwined and the rain.

This storm is killing me... I must go out... I just have to go into the rain...

Brb


......back

I threw my skirt on, pulled my hair down out of its ponytail, and ran out of my building into the rain. It was pouring, I was drenched in seconds, I ran down the block, and ran, and ran and the tears ran down my face...

I pulled myself together realizing, it's dark and pouring and what the hell am I doing?!! I walked back to my building, up to my apartment... threw my wet clothes off, put on a big cozy heavy robe to dry me off, and then 7 minutes later realized what the hell am I doing it's too hot and humid for this robe!!

Anyway, I felt the need to write to get it out... it makes me feel better.



On a completely different note:
Do any of you actually print out your blog? I know a major reason for having a blog is so that no-one can find it; find out it's yours and so on. But I have this major fear that all of my posts will disappear. That Blogger will somehow lose my blog and my posts, my words will be gone, lost on the information highway somewhere. I've been thinking about printing out my blog and keeping it in a safety deposit box. Your thoughts???

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Aches of the Heart




I cried, I wept, I sobbed... for what felt like days on end.

On Friday I felt a bit better, I told myself I needed to view this from a different perspective. I needed to look at this optimistically. I realized how excited Morgan was each time I spoke to him (for the few minutes), I realized how he was helping himself by moving, this was good for him.

I'm reluctant to write, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of draining myself - literally (I have either strep or mono - went to the doc today she said it was due to high amounts of stress)....

So when Morgan called my job on Friday, I seemed happy (at least to him), I congratulated him on his new house (something I hadn't done) and he said thank you so much Joey. He apologized and told me he didn't mean to hurt me, that this all came about so quickly.

Where do I start all this - there's a lot most of you are in the dark about - First off - I knew Morgan was looking to move.
I just didn't know he'd really move 3 1/2 hours away, and I didn't know his move would be immediately.

I drove him to work on Friday night (to the Bar - his last night) we talked, but it wasn't the talk we really should of had. But I was ok with that - for now. I told him that I posted about him moving; I told him how you all were so amazingly supportive. He was surprised and impressed, and said just wait till I make my big come-back... lol
I asked him about our toys, he said they were boxed up, I told him he's not allowed to use them with anyone else (maybe this was dumb to say, but I wanted to see his reaction), he replied, "And who in the world would I use them with?"

.... Moving on....

Later, later, later that night (we're talking 2:45am) I went to the Bar - it was his last night there, I had to show. We all hung out, 3 shots of Petrón Tequila later, I took him home. In the car, he held my hand (something he's never really done, except during sex) he kissed me, told me he's never been in this situation. I could have said it then and there, I could have told him I loved him... but he was drunk and it wasn't the right time. We went to his house, I played and kissed The Chocolate Monster (his dog, who I'll miss very much as well), we had sex, during it he told me that this won't end, that in a few weeks I'll come up to see his new place....
Tears fell, but he didn't see, nor did I want him to.

Afterwards the silly drunk man that he was, sang me some Johnny Cash, Ring of Fire. And then I left, I didn't want to sleep over it would have been too sad nor did I want to wake up to his apartment empty and boxed - how depressing.

I spoke with him quickly on Saturday evening when he had just turned off the highway and was near his new home. I got off the phone (surprisingly) happy for him.

It's Tuesday, we haven't yet spoken and that's ok.
I miss him, I miss him so much. I'm doing better all together, but I can get upset at any given moment... I don't sleep well.
Each time I shower as I'm scrubbing my shampooed head I break down to tears, I lean against the cool shower tile, and let the hot water run down my body to my feet as I cry. I feel powerless, empty, lost, I feel like my best friend is gone, the most amazing lover is gone; the one person I trusted so dearly and so completely is gone.

I can't thank all of you enough for your kind words, and the time you took to write them, nor can I explain how much it meant to me! A special thanks to a few close blogger friends who went that extra internet mile (you know who you are).

My next post will explain a lot more about Morgan and I, why he moved, how we met and so on... till then folks.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Too far from me

I'm a little hesitant to post - because I don't know the whole deal with what is going on - so this is all mostly on my own speculation.


Morgan is leaving.

He is moving - away, far away.
Too far for me to see him each night. Too far for me to run to when I'm having an awful day and need him to hold me. Too far for me to run to when I'm having a great day and want to share it with him.
Too far from me.

I haven't officially spoken to him about everything yet - but I know he signed on a house too far from me. I know he quit his jobs. I know his current apartment is paid for till November, and then he'll be leaving - who knows maybe he'll be leaving before that.

WHY IS EVERY GOD-DAMN SONG ON THIS FREAKING RADIO SOME KIND OF SAD SONG!! I'M AT WORK I REALLY DON'T WISH TO BE A MESS AND CRYING HERE. I'M TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER BUT THE FUCKING RADIO IS MAKING IT EXTREMELY HARD FOR ME!!

I love him, I love Morgan.
Why the hell is he breaking my heart?! Why is he hurting me like this??
Why the hell did he want to be "exclusive" if he was only going to leave me. Why did he tell me so many things we were going to do together if he was only going to move too far from me???

I don't want to hear the "It'll be ok's" or the "It'll work out in the end" or the "If you two are meant to be then you'll end up together" or the "If you love it let it free - blah, blah, blah".
I never had such a good relationship with someone before. Amazingly I never wanted to change him (I always want to change something about a guy when I'm with him); he was just perfect as is. I was never so open with someone before, I trust him 100 percent (again - I never fully trusted anyone). He handles me well, he reads me well, he knows my every mood, and he knows just what to do when I'm sad, hurt, angry...(No-one else knew that). Sexually - well I don't even need to tell any of you about that, our sex life is AMAZING.

I want him; I don't want him to leave me. I can't lose my best friend like this, but I think it's inevitable.


So who do you turn to when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying, is exactly the one making you cry?

Well last night I called BFWB, prolly the only other person who knows me like a book. He knew something was wrong... We met up outside somewhere, I sat on my car and we talked. We only talked about Morgan for a few minutes, other than that he told me stories about work, and friends and made me laugh and forget about Morgan for about an hour or two...

Then back home I went - to only then find out that Morgan signed on the house.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Katrina, what have you done.

My hopes and prayers go out the countless number of people who have been affected and effected by Hurrican Katrina. Words can never describe what has taken place.

To my readers -
Brad in Mississippi, Noone in Louisiana, Scary-Red Head in Fl, and all the others, I hope your well.

To help out please visit:
  • Red Cross
  • Network for Good
  • Feed the Children
  • The Florida Hurricane Relief Fund
  • America's Second Harvest
  • The Salvation Army


  • This CNN Site has links for the following:
    How to Get Help, Locate the Missing, Donate & Volunteer,and Find Local Information.

    xoxox,
    Joey

    Lost and then Found

    Lost then found
    It was sensual and sweet, soft.
    He touched me, filled me.

    I lay beneath him, my hands gripping his back, his shoulders. My nails lightly digging into him when he pushes further in. My legs wrapped around him, his chest pressing into me. His breath heavy and warm along my neck.

    He's quiet when he's inside me, he doesn't moan, he doesn’t grunt, he tells me how amazing I feel. I open my mouth onto his shoulder and lightly suck it, slowly closing my lips and ending with a kiss, I reach for his neck, kissing his soft skin. I reach for any part of him that is close enough to my hungry mouth.

    Moaning softly, I can't help myself. I love how his cock fits so perfectly into me.
    We haven't had this; we haven't done this in so long. I thought it was lost - picked up and thrown around in the whirlwind experimenting with BDSM - landed under or behind the couch somewhere, where things remain in a state of lost.

    But no, I was wrong, it's right here between us, within us. In our groping hands, in our clutch onto each other, in our breath, in our delicious kisses, and maybe somewhere in our hearts.

    Tuesday, August 30, 2005

    Sandy, oh Sandy

    I went to Morgan’s the other night. He told me that he passed on an available place - the place was far, far from me, but it's in a location he loves.

    When he last spoke to me on the phone, he told me it was getting harder and harder to leave (the location that's far, far from me) at the time I was out shopping and didn't want to hear it - he went on and on about it. I kept telling I don't want to talk about this right now, ( I wasn't in the mood to have it all on my mind and to be sad about it) then I finally said to him - I just want you to make a fair decision.

    He told me that after we hung up, that really stuck in his head and the next day he called and told the realtor that he wasn't interested any longer.
    I was ecstatic to hear about his decision! But I was still upset with how he's all over the place with me - (hence my previous post). Well I told him everything about how I feel; I pretty much re-iterated my last post to him.

    He then explained that he calls me cause he's so in the moment of how's he is feeling and just wants to tell me. He went on to say, now that I told him how I feel he realized that what he says to me really isn't too gentle. I explained that I still want him to call me at those times and let me know what’s going on - but to realize how he says it to me - he agreed.
    He then threw Sandy down on the bed and kissed her silly.

    Monday, August 29, 2005

    Danny Zuko

    To be honest - nothing really new over here. Last week Morgan and I has some sweet lovin' - but I'm angry/upset with him, so it's sort of too painful to post right now.
    I'm unsure of what I should do with Morgan...
    I'm not even sure if there is anything that can be done besides taking it day-by-day, by-day-by-day.

    Only a few weeks ago Morgan and I decided to be "exclusive" - (yay for us!). We have no title - no "boyfriend", no "girlfriend", no "couple", no "dating" no "we" to other people. But we are exclusive - meaning no others.
    There are some reasons for the no title bit - which is much too much to go into - but we are both very happy and excited with our decision!

    Morgan will be making some important decisions in the coming months. These decisions are about and for him - but they can and will most likely affect me as well.

    Morgan has been reminding me of Danny Zuko lately - yes the Danny Zuko character from the movie/musical Grease.

    When we are together, Morgan will talk to be about these decisions - there's actually one big gynormous decision that I'm going to focus on. - He needs to move, move out of the wretched place he currently lives in.
    He'll tell me his options, his feelings, and how he's altogether quite stressed about it. All-in-all everything we talk about - everything he tells me makes sense and is somewhat fair - the good and the bad (the bad being what I don't want to hear - either way it's realistic).
    BUT - When we are on the phone having a quick chat (we don't have long conversations) he'll say something really stupid and un-thoughtful about the Big Decision and I'll get upset, I wont' show it to him. When the phone hangs up, I'll be sad.
    Now, we've all learned that boys do this - they say and act stupidly when hanging out with the T-birds (Grease reference again for the international readers). But it bothers me so, because he's not showing off in front of his friends, he's not with them - so what the hell is he doing - showing off in front of himself. Or just so damn excited, and acting on instinct that he calls to tell me whatever and doesn’t think about how I’ll take it??!!!! Or is he testing me to see my reaction - which as written above - I somewhat hide from him. But at the same time he doesn't need to test me for my reaction - he knows damn well how I feel about it all - What the FUCK is his deal?!

    Thursday, August 25, 2005

    Once upon a time...Not so long ago

    I had a new post up yesterday and then I deleted it - something I've never done. Someone I knew, Nameless, had read it and them im'd me with the following:

    Being a submissive is not being a doormat
    You have become nothing more than a common receptacle.
    Unfortunate, I always assumed you more.
    This is merely being someone’s receptacle... Not ever would a true Dom do this to his own.
    You are nothing more than boy's meat puppet.
    I feel badly for what I thought you were... which is now lost.
    You have become unworthy Joey, you allow a boy to spit on you.. in you...
    Feeling no pride about yourself
    Allowing yourself to be used
    That is not Submission.


    I felt horrible. Nameless was right. I immediately deleted my post not wanting my readers to lose all respect for me. I begged him to further talk to me, so that I can show him I had not changed and it was still me - the Joey he knows and remembers. I told him he was correct and what I had done was disgusting and sick.
    I then spoke to someone else who had said:


    Friend: Did you know that there are some Doms that would think that spanking your tits would be way over the line?
    JM: Yes
    Friend: There are some that think that fisting is way over the line.
    JM: I know
    Friend: Did you know that there are some Doms that think that swallowing their piss is absolutely necessary?
    JM: Ok and?
    Friend: And do you know that for all those different types of Doms I just mentioned, there are subs that obey them?
    JM: Yes
    Friend: Do you think that any one of those Doms/subs are "WRONG" for doing what they do?


    Point clearly made - "To each his/her own". People are into different things and if both those people are happy with what they are doing and no one is seriously being hurt then is it wrong, is it sick, is it disgusting?!

    Before Nameless had im'd me with his opinion about what I can done, I seriously thought long and hard before posting the story. I wasn't proud of what I had done, I had many mixed feelings about it and now - now I'm quite confused. I feel as though if this never happened to me again I wouldn't miss it, I'd never crave it. This was something I did, something I tried. So is that bad? Am I some crazy, sick person - no I'm not.


    So without further ado - here is my deleted post:


    *********************************

    I met him in our place; he had noted that it was most likely a full moon because it was much brighter outside than usual.

    I kneeled before him to show respect and my place, my body there for his inspection. My breasts exposed and presented to him for his use. He touched, bounced, hand-weighed them as he always does. I looked away as I always do.

    I stood up as instructed; he unbuttoned my jeans pulled them down, down to my ankles. He went to pull my thong down, I refused, we argued, he let me win - this time.

    His finger felt my pussy over my satin thong.
    I spread my legs as he told me to, his fingers touching not so rough but not softly either. He continues, a suddenly feel his finger push past my thong, I stand still for him and he begins to explore my cunt with his fingers. I feel somewhat violated, his fingers touching, probing, prodding... He starts to push his fingers in and out of me, then faster. I start to moan but I'm confused, he's actually doing something that makes me feel good? This can't be right. He goes on fingering me, harder and faster, then two fingers... he might have gotten to three at that point I'm not too sure, it felt great. Then his fingers move to that hard nub, he rubs it hard, and rubs it, rubs it, rubs it - my legs are quivering, I'm crying out I can barely stand. I close my legs to stop him, he orders me to keep them spread. He tortures me - rubbing on my clit continuously, it starts to hurt, the feeling is just too much, too intense, too sensitive. I'm begging him to stop, "Shut up Cunt" he replies.
    His fingers don't move from my clit and the torture continues. My knees are shaking I can't stand up anymore. More than once I bent over laying my head against his shoulder. He pushes me away tells me to stand up. I fall again resting my head against him; I attempt to kiss his neck -
    "Get up" he responds sounding so annoyed with me, pushing me up and off of him with his free hand. He's relentless and mean - he won't stop, it's torture, it hurts it's even starting to feel like it burns. He won't let me touch him - I think I hated him at that moment.
    CT would have reveled in it; he would have been beside himself that his sub wanted to kiss his neck and make him feel good as he tortured me. But no - not this one. This one never does anything affectionate - maybe he has a significant other and is afraid of getting feelings for me. Maybe he thinks that possibly feeling my lips in any other place other than his cock is just too much for him.
    I guess it's that Pretty Woman/Julia Roberts rule - "No Kissing". Granted the rule has definite meaning... I truly believe that kissing helps in causing feelings. But, c'mon now I'm not looking to make-out with you. Figures, I either find myself with a Dom that's extremely affectionate or with one that's not affectionate at all.

    Eventually he stops, and when he tells me to get on my knees I could practically fall to them. We sit quietly for a moment - then I'm told to take his cock out. I enthusiastically suck it, he stands up holds my head and cums on my face, across my cheeks onto my lips and he rubs his cock down the bridge of my nose... He then grabs my hair and dries his cock off with it - I felt like slutty, dirty. He sits back down; I’m before him on my knees with his cum all over my face. He tells me to clean it off... I move closer and suck his cock clean. But he doesn't stop me, so I continue to suck him again. He then tells me to stop and tells me to use my hands.

    This is somewhat embarrassing - because I don't use my hands. I've never felt a need for it. I think girls suck at jerking guys off, what’s the point of it if they can do it better themselves?!

    Well I honestly (this is even embarrassing to write) really didn't know what to do. He told me to put my hand around it, and rub up and down. I do it, I hated it, I didn't even want to watch myself do it. I kept looking away and he kept telling me to watch... every time I looked away he would move my head down to watch. This didn't go on for so long... partially because I begged to use my mouth, and he let me. Eventually he stood up and fucked my face, fucking it hard holding my head and just slamming his cock in and out of my mouth. Then his cock would push in all the way in to the back of my throat, he'd hold it there I couldn't breathe, he'd choke me with his cock. I would hit his legs with my hands and try to pull away - then pull away coughing or breathing hard taking in air. I like when he does that, I like how he uses my mouth, my throat. I love how it feels when he fucking my face. He pulls away and cums... yet again on my face. I then dry his cock with my hair, suck it clean, and put it away.

    I'm going to skip a part of this night - I'll post about it another time it's somewhat too involved to put in here.

    He then stands up over me; I'm still on my knees. "Look up at me" I do so. "Open your mouth" I open my mouth... He bends down and motions as though he's going to spit into my mouth. I pull away, he smacks my face... This repeats about another 4 or 5 times... until finally he holds my neck almost choking me I still look away a few times. He's starting to get very angry with me. But I can't imagine him spitting into my mouth - gross!... Again - he takes my head, pulls my head back he tells me to close my eyes, grabs my neck hard, my mouth is open, then I feel his saliva against the roof of my mouth. "Close your mouth and swallow" I swallow his saliva like a shot - straight down my throat I feel more go down that what I had felt on the roof of my mouth. He does it a second time to me, I still resist but not as much as the first time. This time he spits onto my tongue - it felt gross...I swallowed it like a good girl.

    He then says he has to pee and asks if I'm going to watch, I shake my head no.
    He slaps my face and tells me to watch, I say no. he slaps my face again, "Watch me cunt, I reply no - another slap and then he spits on my face. He continues telling me to watch, only to have me say no, and then spits again - on my cheek. Watch - no - spits again on other cheek, I feel it dripping down... I feel disgusted as he continues to humiliate and degrade me, spitting on my face, I ask and beg him to stop, he ignores me. He repeatedly asks if I’m ready to watch him pee, I say no each time and then get spit on. Then he stops and takes a good look at my face, tells me I look good with his spit all over it. I feel low, and even more humiliated by his comment. He then says I'm taking too long and goes to pee... not very far from me at all. I sit on my knees on the floor with his saliva on my face I look down.
    I wonder what he feels like while spitting on me, I wonder if he feels just as dominant as I feel submissive at that moment. Does he enjoy spitting on me like that - does he feel bad for me at all? Does he really like the site of his spit all over my face? Doesn't it look gross? Does he think I’m gross? Does he wonder if I have any respect for him? Either way I'd take him slapping my face and spitting on me anytime over watching him pee.

    He sits down in front of me on the bench, "Rub it in". I freeze; I can't possibly rub this in my face. "What are you waiting for?" I start to wipe it off hoping he would think I’m rubbing it in - doesn't work. "I said rub it in bitch not wipe it off". I whimper and then look away from him and I rub his saliva in all over my face. I'm so humiliated this is a worse than having water poured on me. I want to cry... I don't, I won't cry for him. He'd enjoy it too much.

    **The following was not in yesterday's post, but should have been:**
    After that night, I had asked him to answer the questions that I wondered:
    His answers -
    I thought it looked beautiful
    I look past the surface
    I saw a woman on her knees willing to do anything to please me
    I was so proud and happy for you
    Then I asked him - If he had any respect for me?
    His answer -
    More than ever.


    Tuesday, August 23, 2005

    Swank vs. Hole-in-the-Wall

    I worked late, it's Friday night.

    I had plans to see a friend’s band play. I had plans to go upstate. I had plans to go to the movies. I had plans to go to Morgan's bar, drink get somewhere between buzzed and drunk, (You know, that happy spot that's nestled right between there) then afterwards go to a golf coarse and have lots of sex - yes outside on the golf coarse!

    But I'm tired, I woke up this morning thinking it's Wednesday - hmmm... possibly Thursday - TOTALLY in shock once in office and realized it's FRIDAY - When did that happen?!

    So now it's Friday, I lost a day or two - great. What drugs did I do?? - KIDDING- I'm a drug free gal. Ok meanwhile I'm sooo not dressed to see friends band play, and another friend calls to cancel, she can't make the show. Sister calls me about 20 minutes later to tell me no upstate trip this weekend. Alexis still wants to go to the movies - still debating on that - after movies I still could go to Morgan's bar.

    I look a tad crappy. My hair is flat and unlife-like, definitely not the usually bouncy head of hair I'm use to. Face - ok I could use a touch of make-up. Clothes - they are so-so, at least they're not the messy Friday ensemble I through together. Pants heels and a top - alright.

    After leaving the office I decide to walk instead of dealing with dreary smelly subway, stopping in a store or 2 on the way. Then, I see it, approaching closer - the SwankBar is coming up. I make sure my clothes are straight and nothing is stuck up/in or hanging out anywhere.

    I often pass the SwankBar - lots of people my age - chatting, drinking, and flirting in their business attire after work. I always think to myself while passing - Should I be in places like that after work with friends/co-workers? Part of me does think so and part of me could care less.

    Ok now fully approaching SwankBar, lots of boys outside smoking, head up, chest and back up out and straight, feet facing forward - (no duck walking) and put on the strut! As I'm slowly passing I see a girl sitting at the bar - Becky!- yes Becky from High School. I want to go in and say hello but she's seated intimately at the bar talking to some guy. And then just then as my eyes quickly scan the rest of the SwankBar I see another girl sitting with many others. She's facing the giant open windows - its JAP. My arch enemy - then Best Friend - then arch enemy again. I know her too from High School.

    Luckily before passing SwankBar I fixed clothes, flipped hair and put on my sache/strut. As I pass - we make eye contact - I slyly roll my eyes, turn my head and strut along pass the SwankBar.

    Ok, so I played cool, did well. But the rest of my walk I wondered -

    Two girls from High School are in my SwankBar on an early Friday evening.

    (Enter Panic)
    SHOULD I BE DOING THIS?? AM I MISSING OUT??

    I'm 26 and I spend my Friday nights at the local hole-in-the-wall-bar where Morgan works, or at the other hole-in-the-wall-bar where everyone knows your name (or at least I know everyone's name).

    Should I be Sex-in-the-Citying it up at swanky bars??? Should I be downtown in funky/cool rock bars??

    Am I NOT UTILIZING a social life pathway I should be? - WILL I REGRET THIS????????????????

    -But if I choose to go to swanky bars - who do I go with?
    Alexis - She'd never go
    Sister - Same as above
    Alas, I need friends - but this isn't exactly about me needing friends - it's about my choice of social venues.

    I start to feel a tad pathetic...
    *************************************************************************************

    Post Weekend Update:

    Friday night - Ended up sitting home on my couch watching movies - I suck am loser girl!
    Later that weekend I find out, I'll be going out to some swanky bar this coming weekend - I suddenly realize while I dread going - part of me is a tad excited... JUST A TAD.
    If I had a choice - I'd go to Morgan's hole-in-the-wall-bar.

    Friday, August 19, 2005

    His




    I could have been taken
    I could have been owned
    I could have come home
    after work - his home
    Stripped naked - for him
    Left in the most natural state and uninhibited form

    I could have been his, his slave
    Worn his collar
    Living such a simple life
    At times kept
    on a leash
    in a cage
    on a bed
    fed, bathed, loved

    He did love me, he does love me
    He misses me
    using me
    feeling me
    engulfing me, my scent, my skin,
    my eyes, my curves - where my buttocks meets my thighs
    He'd teach me, train me, discipline me
    I would have been perfect - perfect for him - for us

    Wednesday, August 17, 2005

    Pushing Further

    I love when Morgan uses the Big Red Dildo! It's long and thick ( I have no idea how long and thick cause I suck with measurements - but it's huge!) and the head is nice and big. He lubes up Big Red so well, that it's as if I'm literally lying there waiting for it... Finally he starts pushing the head into me - it hurts somewhat. He pushes it further and as I feel it slide in all of a sudden it's a euphoric feeling, my back arches and thrusts my chest out, I moan in pleasure, my nipples harden, and I pull at my arms which are bound to the headboard. I think I could become addicted to that point of pleasure; it's unlike anything I've felt.

    Big Red slowly pushes in and out of me; I feel every inch of it inside me, sliding deep inside me. My hips start to buck against it. In my head I'm crying out - harder, faster, harder PLEASE. When my body begins to fuck it, that's when Morgan starts to push it in and out faster. He fucks my pussy hard with it.
    Thoughts going through my head -
    That’s it, yes, use me, use my pussy - hurt my pussy.

    I want him to continue, for a long time, I want him to exhaust my cunt; I want it sore and hurting the next day. I want to tell him to keep going, don't stop, after I cum still please don't stop after that. I don't care if I'm begging you to stop after I orgasm, I don't care if Ms. Kitty is extra sensitive at that moment and Big Red is just too much for her - Fuck me, Hurt Me, Use Me - because I love it.

    When Morgan attempts to fist me - it's almost the same feelings but without that euphoric feeling. He just keeps pushing and pushing - more and more of his hand into me. And it hurts - I can feel his knuckles up against my pussy's entrance trying to push their way into my soft, hot, moist cunt. He goes slow but continues to push into me, I push back onto his hand, I want to feel it in me, I want to feel that hurt that delicious pain of him piercing my pussy.

    Last night he relentlessly fucked my cunt with Big Red, he told me if I was good and quiet (because of the upstairs neighbors and their young kid - meanwhile its sooooo hard for me to be quiet) he would fuck me hard... I said ok. Finally Morgan went to town, he fucked my pussy so hard and fast with it, I came good and hard for him - mmm I think I'm getting wet right now just thinking of it! But alas, as per what I just wrote above... he eventually stops and to be honest I'm not sore at all.

    Side note: I told Morgan that I was posting about Big Red and his fist. He really wants to read this - but I'm not sure if I should let him. He'd then read these thoughts that go through my mind... the thoughts that I'm too scared to say to him in the first place...hmm what to do...

    Also last night he finally and fully fisted me - in a new position.
    I'm usually on my back, last night I was lying on my stomach with my ass slightly lifted up for him. He started by fingering me... nice and slow, building it up- inserting 2, then 3, then 4 fingers. I'm moaning as he drives his hand in further, it's not hurting as much as usual, and all I want is more, my pussy is hungry for more. Then all of sudden he pushes harder and I feel his knuckles quickly thrust into me. Holy-A it hurt like hell, and kinda scared the hell out of me. I cried out "Stop, no more". Immediately he didn't move his hand another inch, Morgan's good when it comes to this stuff and communicating - he asks me if I want him to leave it there a minute or not. It hurts sooo badly I can't take it - "Out out out" I breathlessly whisper. I'm whimpering as he very, very, very, slowly draws his hand out of me. He moves his body down lower, I feel his warm chest against my legs and he's kissing the small of my back as he further pulls his hand out. I love how he's considerate like that and does whatever else he can to take my mind off of the real pain I'm feeling - so sweet.

    Afterwards we lie quietly next to each other and talk about it, he can't stop telling me how "fucking hot that was", and I agree.

    Tuesday, August 16, 2005

    What's with those people?

    Do the non-kinky people of our world have as much fun and even as much sex as us, the kinkees (my new word) ?!???

    First off, "Kinky" has different definitions and meanings to different people - but let’s put that aside for now.

    What has led me to this question is my friend's response to me, the story goes as so:
    I was in my local XXX-Store -

    Side note: Morgan and I have decided that we take turns each week buying something, anything as long as it's sexual, or could be used in some sexual sort of manner. - Yay Fun!

    So, I'm in the XXX-Store and I happen to run into this girl (we'll call her PornShopGirl) who is a friend of a friend of a friend - yea -, who ended up going away us one weekend. I knew she worked close to me, but we hadn't seen each other since that weekend.

    Meanwhile, we chatted and hey great - I now have a hook-up at the XXX-Store if need be!

    After I leave the store, I call my good friend (Alexis) and tell her who I ran into.

    Side note: Now when PornShopGirl was away with us and we were talking jobs, she said she's a Buyer for lingerie. She never mentioned that she does the buying for an XXX-Store.

    After I tell her she's all "Wow, that’s crazy but I figured her job would have to be in some sort of place like that - a dirty place - she used to be a Call-Girl ya know".

    Hell no, I didn't know! Oh my god, the questions and conversations I could have with this girl would be endless - A Call-Girl, how interesting!! (To me at least).

    "So did you actually go in there", she asks me sounding disgusted.
    "Yea, and I've been in there before."
    "Did you buy anything?"
    "Nooooo" I say sarcastically
    "That means you did, what do they sell in there?" she asks
    "Everything, from toys, lube, sex games, clothes, to slutty shoes! I tried on this corset, it was sooo cute, it actually looked good with my jeans, but unfortunately it was too big and they didn't have a smaller size “I respond excited
    "What did you try on?"
    "A corset you know..."
    She cuts me off... "Oh yea, like a bra"
    "No Alexis, not exactly"
    I explain to her what it is....
    "Well I wouldn't know about those things, I wear a big t shirt and boxers to bed with G (her boyfriend)"
    "But sometimes you wear something sexy don't you?" I ask
    "No, why would I, it just comes off anyway and all that is a pain."
    "Do you ever wear a cute bra and thong or something like that?"
    "No" she says.
    I think to myself... ugh.

    Anyway to make this ridiculous conversation short, she asks me what I bought, I tell her about the flavored lubricant.

    Side note: KY is some nasty tasting stuff! Morgan doesn't mind it but I can't to think of how he's down there, enjoying my pussy but tasting the KY from earlier when he was fucking me with a giant dildo - ugh KY!

    Once she hears that I bought flavored lube there's a pause and she says:

    "Well I'm not into that kinky stuff"

    NEED I SAY MORE?? If she only knew I also bought a paddle!!! Hahahahah

    In all seriousness though - This whole conversation had me thinking about the type of sex she has - even it's that nice yummy "lovemaking". It can't be that all the time?! Is sex ever fun for her and G? I think not.... and to me that's sad. I wonder how many others are like that.

    Thursday, August 11, 2005

    Place Your Pin - Damn it!

    Hello there my loverlees;

    This may be a bit cheesy but I'm fully obsessed with where my readers are from, I'm always looking through the stats on my counter - checking out the ending of the website's from which you all view my site from - it's exhausting sometimes, and I don't even know who's who. So I came across this great website/blog add on!!

    A GuestMap - Sort of like a guest book - but not.

    If you look to the side of my blog you'll see a button sittin' all by its lonesome just wanting to be clicked upon - it might say "Place Your Pin", "Click Here", or "View my Guestmap" and it has a picture of a globe.

    Go click that - place your pin in your location and leave a message or at the very least your blogger name - let me know who you are!

    Now get going!

    Wednesday, August 10, 2005

    Impressed in the Park

    Last night I met up with TLO - remember him? Well here's a reminder.

    I haven't really stopped talking to him since that night - things slowed down, but then I decided to give it another go; I met with him 2 other times (but chose not to write about it) it wasn't anything grand.

    It's hard with TLO, being that he's young and still a learning Dom there are things I know more of than he does. I try to keep it somewhat separate as to when I'm giving him advice and when I'm being submissive to him. He asks to see me alllllll the time, but I always said I had plans or was busy (we all know who I had plans and was busy with (giggle)). He asked me so often and each day that it became monotonous, almost like he was this annoying boy who just waited and waited till I said yes. This type of relationship is not supposed to go that way. I finally just told him that he needs to be more demanding with me - don't ask if I can see you - tell me, instruct me, command me, order me to see you! And get into my head! I'm a stubborn woman, and in the end I'll probably do what I want anyway - but if you're ordering me to see you, and doing it in a dominating manner well then hell yea I’m going to listen. Well he took my advice and ran with it (though he claims he was going to do that anyway - for some reason I don't believe him).
    He told me that I was to see him on Thursday night - at the park at 11p.m. Yes, the park - kinda ridiculous - but I didn't have my apt. to myself that evening, and he will be getting his own place soon, so till then it's the dark, kinda scary park.

    As the title of the post says I was impressed - fully impressed by his words, actions, and ways - he was a different person from the first time we met. I've chosen a new name for him on here - it's no longer TLO it's now - - - TYD - The Young Dom. I think this suits him well, it involves his age which to the both of us of importance, and being the I'm calling him a Dom, means that, that's how I now view and respect him.
    I'm sorry to confuse everyone, but TLO just doesn't fit him any longer - I promise not to change it again!

    I was very, very late - 2 hours late to be exact, I did text message him to tell him I was running late, and he must of called me at least 15 times... but I had an emergency - and BOY he was angry.

    Finally I get to the park, wearing jeans, flip flops and this baby doll kinda shirt, no bra and donning a black satin thong. The last time I went to the park with him I had on a skirt, it rained earlier and the buggies just ate up my legs like someone handed it to them on freaking silver platter! Anyway I get to the park, he's standing there waiting for me, I haven't seen him in a while it felt awkward for a moment, I didn’t know if I should kiss him on the cheek hello or what?! As we walked to the spot I stayed pretty quiet unless he spoke to me because I knew he was angry earlier when we spoke on the phone. He talked a bit and I saw that his anger seemed to subside.

    We get to our spot, I put on bug spray, and put it on his arms, and spray down the bench and the area we're in. I put my bag down and then he instructs me to take out the items he told me to bring:


    Lotion: To be used when I jerk him off
    My Paddle Brush: He spanks me with it
    2 Bottles of Water: One for me to use while I suck his cock
    I take them out, then he tells me to stand in front of him and get on my knees, he's sitting on the bench. He looks at my shirt and can't really figure out how to or what to do with it. I tell him he can just pull it down over my chest, he does so and then he inspects my tits. He gropes them, touches them, feels my nipples, he holds them in his hands and makes motions like he weighing them, slaps them very lightly, and gropes them some more. I look away as he does all this, it's somewhat embarrassing and I don't like watching him do it. He then tells me to stand, and then says that tonight he will learn more about my body. He feels my legs, rubbing them with his hands down to my ankles. He instructs me to turn around, and the he does the same to the back of my legs and ass. He touches my ass and feels more - none of this turns me on, he's inspecting my body and it's uncomfortable. He turns me around, unbuttons my jeans, turns me around again and pulls them down to my ankles, he takes my thong with them, I pull it back up - not tonight. He then continues his inspection, feeling my bare legs, this is even worse than with my jeans on, when he turns me around again, his hand moves between my legs and he rubs my pussy - it wasn't a sensual rub - he was feeling it for the first time, he repeatedly rubbed my pussy lips... All the while I kept my head turned to the right looking into the dark forest that surrounded the park, while feeling his hands examine me. I felt like an object that he was considering to purchase.
    He orders me to my knees in front of him, and lowers my head so that I'm looking downward. He has my tits back in his hands, groping and feeling them again.
    TYD: "You have some pain coming to you"
    I don't respond
    TYD: "Do you understand"
    "Yes"
    TYD: "Is that how you answer me?"
    "Yes Sir"
    TYD: "Do you know why I'm doing this?"
    "Yes Sir" (I was soo due for a punishment, we talked about it the night before, and there was no way I could avoid it - I tried)
    TYD: "Are you ready to take the pain?"
    I look up at him and I shake my head no (The pain thing scared me, but I've always been afraid of pain, I believe I handle it better than I assume)
    TYD: "I'm going to ask you again, are you ready to take the pain from me?"
    I whisper "Yes Sir"
    He pinches my nipples, tells me to lower my head and close my eyes, I do so - TYD lightly smacks my left tit, then my right, the left, the left, the right the left, on and on... The smacks become harder and faster. I don't think my chest had ever been hit like this, some of the smacks hurt - others don't. I wince as I feel his hand come down on me, I cry out with the harder smacks. He continues slapping them, then he stops and I feel the wood brush on my skin. I shudder; I can't imagine that he's going to hit my tits with the paddle brush. He rubs it against my tits, then turns it around and I feel the bristles drag across my nipple, then over on my other nipple the bristles drag across it, you can hear them. He removes it, SMACK, the brush comes down onto my tit, and again, again, back and forth on both of them. It hurts and I cried out a few times. He finally stopped, they hurt a bit and mostly they felt warm. I wanted him so badly to take my nipples in his mouth, to caress then just a bit, to let them feel some kind of pleasure. At least hold my tits nicely, rub them, do something - but nothing he let go, sat back on the bench and said "Take out my cock".
    I unhooked and opened his belt, unbuttoned the button, unzipped the zipper, folded the sides of his pants to the sides, I tried not to look up at him, I just stared at my hands and what I was doing. I put my hand inside his boxers, felt his warm cock, it wasn't fully hard but wasn't fully soft. I took it out and placed my hands at my sides. He said something - to me it sounded like Open your Mouth - so I did, I'm kneeling there in front of him with my mouth open, a few seconds go by. He then says - Did you hear me? I say - Didn't you say to open my mouth, He says no - "put it in your mouth", I kinda laugh cause I feel like a DICK kneeling in front of him with my mouth open for no apparent reason...
    I kneel lower and take his cock in my mouth, I start sucking it softly, slowly. I remember how earlier when we were chatting online that he wanted a nice slow sucking, so that's what I did. Softly I sucked it, caressing it with my tongue, dragging my lips up and down his shaft, taking his cock to the back of my throat. I sucked his cock once before - it was different, it didn't feel right. I didn't think he enjoyed it, I didn't enjoy it - it was missing something then and I abruptly stopped and refused to continue... This time was different - this time was good. I enjoyed his cock in my mouth, taking it in deep sucking it a little harder, knowing that this is making him feel so good. He says "Good Girl" early on, so I know I'm doing well. I devour his cock, tasting it, licking it; I'm truly enjoying sucking this man's cock. I want to please him, I want to show him that I can be good, because I honestly know that the last month or so I totally put him aside. He says something like "that’s a good girl" and maybe he pet my head ... I'm not sure but then he took my head and pushed it all the way down on him "Take it down your throat, down your throat" he was pushing my head down so hard, but the way his cock was angled in my mouth, it wasn't going down my throat. He held my head there, I couldn't breath too well, finally he let go I was breathing heavy but took his cock in my mouth again and began sucking, and sucking. It slid in and out it of my mouth smoothly, and then he said "Stop". I pulled away, he stood up, I looked up at him and he came on my face, all over my right cheek, it hit my eyelashes, across my nose, and onto my left cheek he smeared his cock head. He rubbed it again onto my face, and then he sat back down, he looked at his work he had done. I didn't think he was able to really see it, it was so dark at the park, but I certainly felt his cum dripping down my cheeks and off of my nose. (I've only let Morgan cum on my face, TYD told me earlier that he was going to cum on my face and tits, I told him I don't do that - we had a small argument about it, and I lost... obviously.)
    I asked if I could clean my face off, he told me to first clean off his cock and dry it. I sucked his cock to take any excess cum off of it and then I knew how he wanted me to dry off his cock - with my hair- humiliating. I looked at him, and asked if I had to, his response - "I'm waiting". I gathered my hair to the left side and proceeded to dry his cock with it. I didn't like doing this so much - but whatever. I then wiped my face clean with a napkin I had in my bag, he watched me do it, which make me feel stupid. After that we sat there in silence for a few minutes, I apologized to him again for what happened earlier with me running late, he said he hoped I was sorry, I told him I wouldn't have said it again if I weren’t.
    He instructed me to stand up and lay over his knee - it was time for my spanking. I hate lying across his lap, don't know why but I just do. TYD starts off with his bare hand, it doesn't hurt so much at first, then he slaps my ass harder, it starts to sting a bit. Then harder and harder, I can still handle it but I’m starting to squirm on his lap. He then switched to the paddle brush. It lightly stings, and burns, the first few I take but soon after those I begin to beg him to stop. He doesn't listen, he doesn't even acknowledge my cries, he continues spanking me harder my ass, my thighs, my calves. They feel like they are on fire, a burning sensation I've never really felt. I'm whimpering and trying to move my legs away, but I very well know he's going to smack the paddle down onto them. It's hot outside, I'm all worked up, which only makes me feel more hot, I'm still whimpering, but not so close to tears, the spanking is hurting me badly. My forehead is wet, I'm sweating, I try to calm myself down, to lie there and take my spanking. I feel each sting and burn of the paddle, the pain spreading onto my skin, feeling the punishment for my actions. He slaps my thighs harder, my calves sting, my ass cheeks were on fire, I couldn't take it anymore.
    I pushed myself up lifting my upper body, he pushed me back down muttering "Get back down". I begged him, whimpered, I wanted to cry but couldn't - it takes a lot to have me completely let go and cry for you. Pushing myself up again, I wanted him to look at me, to look at my face and see that I was in pain, I've had enough and just couldn't take the spanking any longer. He barely looked at me, and pushed me back down onto his lap... Squirming, whimpering, begging - nothing from him, just the paddle repeatedly hitting me.
    I didn't know how much longer it was to continue- 5 min's? 10 min's? Longer?? I had no choice, no power; I was his bad sub, in his lap under his hand receiving her punishment. I had been defeated, and felt it.
    It's almost as if he knew it, maybe he did and maybe he didn't but his next action truly made me feel subservient. Maybe subservient isn't the correct word to use, but he had me exactly where he wanted me - almost broken.
    TYD took a bottle of water; I knew what to expect he told me earlier that day what it was for. He drank some, asked me if I wanted a sip - I declined. We sat there - he on the bench, I was in front of him on my knees on the ground. It was quiet, I stayed silent, and I wasn't sure how I would react to his next move. He took the bottle and poured a bit onto my left tit it dribble down and off of my nipple. Again, he poured the water onto my chest and it rolled down and onto his pants (hee hee) he got a bit angry and told me to back up more so as to not get him wet. So far all is well a little water on my chest... he pours a bit more, this time it runs off of my chest and onto my pants that are underneath my knees. He waits a few seconds, and pours the water on my shoulder. Then he pours it over my head, this completely wets me, the water runs down my hair and body. I look away from him embarrassed, he pours more water onto my head, my shirt and pants are wet, my body's wet, my face... I look up at him, he seems powerful and strong. He's dry, holding the bottle of water, the water that continues to humiliate me with each drop that I feel. I'm starting to not like this, I hate the water and I begin to cringe each time he raises his hand with the bottle.
    He tells me to put my head up, I have a problem doing this, eventually I do it. Then he places the bottle above my head and slowly goes to pour it out. Partially out of natural reaction and partially because I just can't have that done to me, I move my head away. I try again - but I just can't do it. I can't have that water poured onto my face, I’d be a mess, my mascara would run down my cheeks, I’d just be completely wet and a mess. I think to myself next time wear waterproof mascara! Although I'm still unsure if I'd be able to put my head up and have that water poured onto me. He gives up with having me put my head up. I feel cold, I'm wet, I feel like I’m a mess, and there's some other kind of feeling - but it's hard to put into words. I want him to tell me its ok, and that I’m doing well, I want some kind of assurance, some kind of warmth from him... Sitting on the ground, wet, I start whimpering a bit, and begging no more water. He pours more water onto me, it runs down my head, my neck my shoulders, my body.... I feel low, low, low... I think I could cry at this point, I don't but I prolly could of. I'm looking down at the ground, I'm somewhat sad, embarrassed, humiliated, I can't bear to look up at him ... and at that moment I am broken.
    He instructs me to take out his cock and suck it, I do it with enthusiasm, I'm soaking wet, and cold but all I could think of is pleasing him and sucking his cock well. He is rougher this time with me and uses my head, holding onto my hair and fucking my mouth, he pushes his cock down my throat this time and chokes me with it, he slaps my face with his cock and so on... He ends up taking his cock away from me and masturbates in front of me, I hate this, it's a waste of his own energy, I just want to suck his cock more and bring him to the point of cumming, but he doesn’t let me. He ends up cumming on my chest. I then clean his cock with my mouth, and dry it with my hair, I clean my chest off... he tells me I was a good girl, impressed and pleased him. I say thank you Sir. I'm told to pick my pants up and get dressed.
    We leave the park...
    I've masturbated many times to that night... I hope to see/serve him again soon.
    The next day I find a few small bruises and then a huge ugly bruise on my tits, I tell him about it - we're both surprised that it's on my tits considering it seemed as though they were the least hurt. I eventually see Morgan and make up the excuse that I fell... I fall all the time - so it's believable... I feel bad and somewhat guilty.

    Thursday, August 04, 2005

    the Other Side

    So, from past posts of mine we all are openly aware that Morgan would like me to take some more control in the bedroom.
    To date I have now tied him and taken over 3-4 times:

    A few weeks ago, a Friday night, actually it was the same night that Morgan Shaved Me, afterwards he wanted me to take control of things.
    I blindfolded him then tied his wrists to the head-board of the bed with black electrical tape. I licked the spot below his belly button, then kissed his stomach up to his chest to his neck, his earlobes, face, then teased him a little around his lips.
    To be honest, I didn't really like this new power of mine. I had no idea what to do and got a bit bored. I tried to think of how it is when I'm tied and blindfolded. How your body becomes so sensitive to every touch, to every sound.
    I did a lot of lightly touching his body, softly kissing him. I kissed parts of him I haven't, the inner area of his elbow, sucking it there for a moment, then licking his forearm up to his wrist, to his palm and then sucking on his finger. I tried to drive him crazy letting him feel my mouth, lips, tongue all over him.....

    I told him to stick his tongue out and my mouth was over it sucking on it (something the BFWB does to me), then licked his licks... and played with his nipples a bit. I rubbed my finger against my wet pussy and put it against his lips. He LOVED that; I did it a few times. I sat on top of him and fed him my nipples to suck and lick, teasing him and pulling them away for a moment and then suddenly back on his lip is my hard nipple.
    Then unable to hold out anymore I moved down his body and suddenly took his cock deep and hard into my mouth and down my throat. I sucked his cock greedily as if someone was about to take it away from me. He writhed under me, I saw him pulling at his hands from the head-board and my job was done... I had driven him crazy, and sucking his cock like that just pushed him further. Then suddenly I had an idea... I climbed on top of him, I was facing his cock sucking it, and then slowly I moved my cunt closer to his face.
    ((MAJOR SIDE NOTE HERE: I DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE 69, I Refuse to sit on someone's face or put myself into a position of that kind. The only 69 position I've ever done is where I'm laying down and his cock is above me.))
    I think he almost lost his mind when he realized my pussy was there for him to devour. And devour he did, until I started teasing him again and moving away from him and then back again. I sucked his cock and let him go to town on my pussy until he came.
    - Day's, weeks later he's still talking about that night -
    The second time wasn't much, I tied up his hands to the head bored with this long stretchy red cloth he has, I took more time in tying him than our last round of me taking control. I wrapped it nicely around his wrists making sure it didn’t get twisted, and made sure that each arm was tied the same way (I impressed myself). After that I did lots and lots of teasing, and at the end of the night I didn't let him cum.... hee hee hee.
    The third time, Morgan told me how he was in a very fun and kinky-anything-goes-kinda-mood, and he more or less told me in so many words, he wanted to be tied up. Ok here goes....
    I was wearing a new cami in which he was dying to see.. It’s black, tight, thin and very see-through, along with a thong, and these black thigh high boots he L-oooo-ves!
    So I blindfold him before he gets to see the outfit. I kiss him a few times and wait a little while which makes him think he's not going to get to see the outfit; after a bit I decide to de-blindfold him...I let him see me quickly and then the blindfold is back on. I laid him down on the bed, but across it so that his legs sort of hang over the longer side. I take the red bungee thingy and I wrap it around his upper arm to his wrist and then to the headboard, same with the other side to the foot board. He replies that he likes how I take the time to tie him up in different ways.
    I then went straight for his cock, but he still has his underwear on. I rub my face against it up and down, I open my mouth over it and blow warm air onto it.... he moans.. I do this for about a good 10 minutes, it's driving him nuts, and his cock is growing nice and hard for me.
    I kiss his thighs, lick them, suck on them for a bit. Back to his cock my hand grabs it hard and rubs. He tells me, I'm driving him crazy... I slink up his body to his neck, licking and kissing his soft smooth skin there. I whisper into his ear.. "No more talking". I move away and sit up... "You will answer me only with a yes or no. Do you understand? "Yes"
    I learned to tease his body in new ways, I learned every inch of his body, discovering new paths I can drag my nails across, new sensitive areas I can lick ever so softly with my warm tongue. I learned to be more aggressive with him... When he spoke, and he wasn’t supposed to I hit his inner thighs with the crop. Or if I felt like it I would hit his balls with the crop just because I was in control and I could. I lightly tapped the crop on them repeatedly and then slowly I hit them harder and harder. Between the hard hitting I would move down to them and suck on them. I tried mixing the pain and pleasure of it all. After I hit his inner thighs I would kiss and lick them....
    That night was a long night it happened a while ago so, to be honest I don't remember all the details, but I learned and felt what it was like to be in control, to be the dominant one. I didn't hate it - maybe I didn't hate it because it's with Morgan but I can't see myself ever volunteering to be in that position with anyone else. Matter-of-fact if Morgan never wanted me to take control again I would be quite fine with that. But I'm not tortured in doing it to him, this may sound silly but I'm somewhat jealous when he's all tied up and his body is there for my use - it's like no no no - that’s where I'M suppose to be.
    In the meantime, he talks about it often and I know I'll be doing it more often to him...
    Lately I haven't done it. I told him he needs to "Step it up" with me, he needs to go that extra step tie me up and use me all night long - until then I'm no where near being his dominatrix again!

    Wednesday, August 03, 2005

    Crashed....my computer

    I have a good reason for the disappearance - I've been on vacation. I would have posted that I was going away, but the day before I left my home computer crashed!! I'm sooo pissed off about this. My computer tells me - "Hard Drive Not Found", what is that about??! I'm so busy at work that I haven't had time to blog, so I was really relying on doing it at home - guess that's out of the question now. So I'll try my best to get some good posts out there - but please be patient with me.

    If anyone has a working hard drive they’d like to donate - please feel free to email me and I'm SURE we could work something out

    Thursday, July 21, 2005

    California - here I am

    Well last night was a full on total bust!!
    Last night by time I got everything done, all my boys were dead tired, or asleep.

    Of course, of course I went to Morgan's!! But he was assed-out! I gave his dick a couple of licks; he teased me and wouldn't give me a really good kiss goodbye. - Finally I got one, though I've had better.

    After I left Morgan's so totally unsatisfied, I called the BFWB - no answer - what is going on here? I guess he gave up on me and went to bed. I did speak to him earlier that night and told him I'd try my best to meet up - well he coulda had some.

    My third and last try - TLO - NO ANSWER!

    NO freaking luck - at that point, I went home did laundry and packed till 3 am.

    Right now I'm in California, Beverly Hills to be exact, its nice here - really nice. But I'm here on business and alone - which sucks! I just took a walk and found Rodeo Drive - wow! I'm not one of those girls who go gaga over Loui, Hermes, Versace and all that - but still I have to admit- it's gorgeous, the epitome of money and luxury. Yes I drooled - but only a bit!

    Time to go up to my hotel room, order something to eat and the off to bed for an early start tomorrow.

    Tuesday, July 19, 2005

    To Whore it up or NOT?

    Tonight - the possibility of three different guys:

    The facts:
    I'm going away on business tomorrow through Sat.
    Tonight I have much to do including the gym, movies, laundry and packing (lets not forget I'm a woman who over-packs - so that in itself takes a loooong time).

    The men:
    First and foremost - Morgan - How could I NOT see him before I take off in the big airplane?!!
    Secondly - BFWB - Text's my cell today and really wants to fuck - mmm mmm good. As well he and I have always made it a "thing" to hook up before one of us goes away.
    Thirdly - TLO - Remember him... maybe? at all?? We'll we've been chatting it up, and I've seen him a few times again... he's improved those dominating skills very very well! And what girl doesn't want a spanking?

    So go for them all??? In that case I don't think I'd have time tonight.. lol.. maybe just two. Though all three would be sooooo fucking hott!

    The outcome:
    ????

    Friday, July 15, 2005

    Welcome to NYC

    I never ever post stuff like this, but I just couldn't help myself.

    First off this suit guy is great!:

    Suit: Attention tourists. It is now just after 5PM, and unlike you, some of us had to work today and would like to fucking get home. Please keep moving and do not just fucking stop in the middle of the sidewalk. This has been a public service announcement.
    --Overheard on 43rd & 7th

    The suit guy and I would make a Bad-Ass Team in the streets of New York City. I love yelling at the tourists who don't move their fanny-bag wearing selves out of my way - it's move it or lose it baby - Welcome to NYC!

    Now we move on to the NYC transit system - boy they sure do have a sense of humor:

    Conductor: Next time, you lose your hands!
    --Overheard on N train
    (For all those who don't get this, someone tried catching the train and holding the doors open with his hands, a big no-no!)

    The train stops in the tunnel, and the conductor announces: Ladies and gentlemen! We are momentarily held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. Meanwhile, sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery.
    --Overheard on A train

    Driver: Welcome aboard the M86 cross-town bus. I apologize for the delay today; we will be moving momentarily. If you are carrying a grudge from school, or work, or home, please do not take it out on me. I promise you, we will be moving momentarily.
    --Overheard M86 bus

    Conductor: Get all your possessions, including your body, inside the doors, if you want the train to move. It's that simple.
    --Overheard S train

    And then again Conductors are awesome people:

    Conductor: Bear with us folks, the last 5 cars on the train have no AC, yes we know it's sucks, we are well aware it's about 96 degrees and disgustingly humid, my hair frizzed up to ladies. But don't forget we are right there with ya feeling the pain.
    --Overheard by yours truly

    It was a Subway Series in NYC, and throughout the ride, the conductor would update the train on the score!
    --Overheard by yours truly

    Conductor: Good evening folks, we've all had the worst day of our lives it was hell. Just sit back tight, try to relax, and thank g-d that you are going home today. Let’s get this train moving and get everyone home.
    --Overheard by yours truly on 9/11/01

    I found the first few "Overheard's" on a great site! Please check it out under my "Clickies" section - Overheard in NYC.

    Thursday, July 14, 2005

    Can we say....

    WRITER'S BLOCK -

    BIG TIME WRITERS BLOCK HERE FOLKS.

    Though I'm not even sure if its writers block or maybe I'm just stressed.
    Work is crazy and I've gotten a workload that’s unbelievable... I don't even have time to hit the ladies room!
    Any few minutes that I do have, I go to blogger.com, pull up the draft that I've been writing for about 5 days now, and maybe just maybe I get a sentence in there.

    I have no idea what’s going on with me... I have 4 stories half-ass written for the blog, but I just can't seem to complete them.

    This sucks.

    Thursday, July 07, 2005

    London Attacks

    For all in London, England,
    I'm so sorry for what has happened.
    My prayers go out to all who have been affected by this tragedy.
    I'm a NY'er I've gone through 9/11, I've been scared (still am at times), I've been sad, and I've overcome, (after 3 years I was able to take the subway again).
    Don't let this slow you down; don't let this effect your lives in how those horrible people want it to!!

    Wednesday, July 06, 2005

    Plastic Friction

    I was newly 18, working at golf coarse. I managed the restaurant; it had a counter (like one's in diners) a beautiful balcony, and a dining room. I was working there for about 2 years now, and I had worked for this boss for about 6 years now (hence why I was managing at 18). Anyhoo...

    My boss tells me before he leaves that Cal is out in the half-way house and will prolly need more water in about 2 hours.
    "Cal?? You mean Cal from years ago??"
    Yup it's him, I ran into him recently and told him I needed a few more hands round here so he agreed"
    "Wow, I haven't seen him since the old place."
    "Yea Joey don't remind me, you were about 12 yrs. old then!"
    "Time flies when you're having fun!"
    "Have a good night Joey, and if you need anything at all call my cell"
    "Will do!"

    Hours later, Cal came in to the restaurant, and surprised to hell that I'm standing there!

    "Joey??, HOLY SHIT, you've grown up, but that face is exactly the same!"
    I giggle, "Cal, and you haven't changed a bit!"

    He gives me a big hug.

    "Wow, Cal you were like 26 when we last worked together, I called you an old man then... lol now you’re 30 something... lol"
    "And I called you a little girl"
    "Cal, I was 12, I WAS a little girl!"

    "Ok let me do the money for the night, I'll be right back"
    I walk to the back with the money and begin counting.

    "Is everyone gone for the night." he yells over to me.
    I reply, "Yup, I sent everyone home and just locked everything up."

    I hear him fiddling round with something. He walks up behind me, brings a glass of wine around in front of me.

    I turn around, "What's this for?"
    "To celebrate our little reunion"
    We cheer and I take a sip - mmm delicious

    (At 18 I never drank wine)

    I finish with the money, and close up the rest of the restaurant, turning the gas, ovens, and lights off.

    We end up sitting at the counter drinking the wine and catching up, talking about everything from school, to family, sex,…... While we're talking Cal puts his hand on my thigh then a few minutes later slowly rubs, it feels good and I'm slightly slightly buzzed, I let him continue.

    He ends up kissing me, and telling me how I've become a gorgeous sexy woman. I love what he's saying, I've never been with an older man, and I love how he knows just how to touch me; kiss me, and what to say.

    We end up on the floor (it's carpeted) next to the counter and chairs, I'm lying on my back and my shirt is off, he is grinding into me over my jean cut-off shorts, his mouth on my nipples licking and sucking, his hand in my hair gripping with his fist.
    "I want you Joey" he whispers in my ears.
    I'm not sure what to do or say, I’m feeling euphoric at the moment, but he wants me, he wants to have sex with me?! I've only had sex with one guy. What do I do??
    I don't answer him... I try to ignore the plead.
    He licks and bites my neck, my shoulders, licking and sucking my chin to my lips; where he kisses me deeply. He tells me I’m delicious, I giggle, he tells me I'm adorable and he's got to feel more of me.
    He unbuttons my shorts and slides them off, I'm completely unsure of what the hell I'm doing, but I just let him do.
    He slips a finger past my panties and into my pussy, I moan.... as I moan I hear him say to himself... mmm baby pussy. I let it go, I don't even care I just want more, I've never felt so horny like this before.

    He kneels up and tells me to unbutton his jeans, I do so. He then stands up and tells me to pull them down and off, I do. He comes back down to the floor, gets on top of me and starts kissing me.
    "Joey, take your panties off for me"... He backs off of me and I slide my panties down my smooth legs. "Good Girl" he replies.
    Something in me swirls when he says that, and I smile.

    He's on top of me again grinding against my pussy. He whispers, "Are you ready sweetheart?" I nod my head. "Do you have anything?" I say - (referring to a condom) he stands up and says "I will". He instructs me to take his boxers off; I take his waistband of his boxers and pull them down, over his protruding hard cock and down his legs. I can't help but stare at this naked man in front of me. He warns me that he can go for a long, long time, and asks if I can handle that, I tell him “Yes, I'll try”. He says good girl and again my pussy swirls.

    He walks around to the back of the counter and I hear him doing something... as I’m lying there I have second thoughts. I'm not sure if this is right to do, he's so much older than I.

    He then comes back over, stands before me rubbing his cock. He tells me to watch him, then he takes a plastic garbage bag and puts it over his cock (YES! A fucking plastic bag! I kid you NOT)
    "That's certainly not a condom" I say a bit worried.
    "Baby Girl, don't worry I've been doing this since I was your age, it makes for a great substitute."
    I'm not sure what to do, and I'm trying to think this all out. This is the second person I'm having sex with, he's like 32, and he has a plastic bag around his cock. I'm at a loss, he could tell I'm nervous he bends down and lowers himself onto me; he pushes my legs open with his.
    "It's ok sweetie, I'm going to make you feel so good. I know you've only been with one person honey but just wait till you feel my cock inside you." I nod my head and open my legs a bit more for him.
    He kisses me, gropes and rubs my tits, pinching my nipples. I start feeling euphoric again, my hips start grinding against him and my body is ready it wants it, I want it.
    He slowly starts pushing into me. As he's pushes into me I cry out a bit, he's much larger than what I'm used to, "Shhh, shhh little girl it won't hurt much longer."
    I feel him entering, I feel his cock wrapped with the plastic bag pushing into me...

    "I've wanted you since you were 12yrs old. You were the sexiest 12 yr. old I'd ever seen. I dreamed about fucking you then Joey."
    I'm not sure what to say to that; I stay quiet, whimpering a bit as he starts fucking me.
    Driving his plastic-bag-covered-cock in and out of my pussy, he goes on about what a sweet little girl I am, and how I still have that 12 year old face. He fucks me harder, and the friction of the bag, along with his cock stretching me is starting to hurt inside, but he does feel good. He feels as good as he promised so I lay underneath him pressing my hips back and forth up into him, trying to ignore the burning sensation from the bag.

    I'm wet; I'm enjoying this man on top of me, fucking me. But he was like a machine he just kept pumping into me non-stop, in-and-out, in-and-out, in-and-out, in-and-out, in-and-out, in-and-out, I pushed rhythmically back with my body, but the plastic bag was hurting. I eventually told him, "Cal the bag is kinda hurting me", "Oh sweetie it's ok, just concentrate on my cock inside your sweet baby pussy". He continued fucking me, grunting, sweating, saying things like, yes baby yes, such a good girl you are, that’s it honey, mmmmmm… good girl.

    I was getting exhausted of his relentless use of me, the plastic bag was burning so badly from the friction, I wanted to continue, but I just couldn't take any more, I told him "No more Cal, no more.. please" he said ok... and stopped fucking me, but he didn't pull out yet. He stayed on top of me, kissing my mouth, my cheeks, my neck.
    "How bout just another min or two, let me cum for you".
    "Ok" I replied

    He went slow, nice and slow the plastic hurt a lot less, mmm I was enjoying the smooth motion of his cock sliding back and forth from my cunt. He started moving just a bit faster, I didn't mind it still felt good... but then he started on again, pushing into me hard - fast. I cried out, he held my face and told me to be a good girl and to take the pain for him, and for his cock, and I certainly did... I took the burning pain from the bag, I took the pain from his cock stretching and using me, and finally I felt his cock jerking a bit, spewing out cum into that plastic bag.

    He laid on top of me for a little while longer, his cock still inside me. He kissed me everywhere and told me I was great.

    I fucked him a few more times that summer in the restaurant, on the tables, against the giant refrigerators, all over the damn place, but we never ever again used a plastic bag. And each time we fucked he still talked to me like I was 12 years old.

    Wednesday, June 29, 2005

    Animalistic Attractions

    Phone rings, rings, rings, rings, rings -
    "Hi, I can't get to the phone right now please leave me a message and I'll get back to ya."
    (Ohh Yay -Voicemail!)

    "Hey, it's Joey. I'm at work right now it's about 4:30ish and I'm so horny, not only am I horny but my pussy is dripping wet. I need to suck your cock tonight. All I could think about is your cock deep, deep in my throat, while you hold my head down onto it. Let’s get together, call me back."

    I get home, walk into my bedroom and throw my bag onto my bed. My cell phone rings, and I see that it's him. I'm excited but I decide not to answer it, I let it go to voicemail. I minute later I have voicemail!

    "Hey, I don't know if you're fucking with my cock or whatever, but my dick is so fucking swollen and rock hard after that message and mmmm your voice, delicious as always! I hope your pussy stays wet cause I would love to fuck it and fuck it and fuck it.
    I'll even take you into the woods if you want, or we could go somewhere else, we'll worry about that later. Gimme a call back and let me know what you wanna do. I'm really looking forward to seeing ya.
    PLEASE - - GIVE- - ME - - A - - CALL!
    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
    Talk to you later - Byeee "


    I hang up the phone with a smile across my face... mmm I'm having some hott sex tonight!

    I call him back, he's out with his dad, blah blah blah - we'll see each other later tonight, he'll call me back. At about 9:00 I get some text messages from him we decide to meet in about an hour.
    I've showered, shaved, put on a cute thong, my hot lacey bra, a skirt, a touch of makeup and am ready to go at 10ish. He calls me - begs me to wear something fun, and begs for a thong. I tell him - hmmm I'll see.
    I'm so excited I'm wearing a skirt for him, in the 10+ years the BFWB and I been hooking up I've never ever worn a skirt, I'm thinking he'll be quite the happy man tonight.

    I end up going to his new home (yay!), I park a block away (he lives with a family member who hates me, so we don't want them knowing I'm there less they come home) he meets me at my car and we walk to his house. We chat about some stuff (note: he still has not said a single word about my skirt). He gives me a tour of his new place, it's nice and I'm impressed. When time to go up the steps he leads... weird - he never led up the steps - EVER, he always made me go first so that my ass is right there up in his face and he'd always smack it. But the time I'm wearing a skirt - he leads up - weird, just so odd and not like him! Then off to the bedroom, I sit down on the bed and he takes a minute to go get his laundry. He lies down on the bed and he has the local news station on - he fought a fire today, was merited or something because he hasn't graduated yet and was waiting to see the story on it or should I say the story on himself...lol. We chat for a while more about fam., work, old friends... (Note: still nothing said about my skirt).
    He then says there are two things I'm going to ask of you, two things you love to do. I'm quick to say - "Suck your cock, and .. hmm what’s the other?" Massage me he asks. I say ok, and warn him that I've definitely improved since the last time he received one, he replies "then prove it".
    He lies on his stomach and I sit over him straddling style, I start at his shoulders and give him the massage of a lifetime, I practically had him drooling. I end up doing a full body massage and he's done! Lol, he tells me I should do it for a living... lol I know I'm good at giving massages but I think what makes me good at it is that I'm attracted to this man, I love the way his muscles feel underneath my groping hands, I love how good I'm making him feel. I don't know if I can just massage anyone.

    He turns over on his back and immediately I start kissing and licking his chest, down to his waist, where I swirl my tongue around his belly button, moving lower and lower, to the point right above his cock. I then slowly pull down his boxers while still licking him. I can't wait any longer, I about to put my mouth over his cock, and he blocks his cock with his hand! I look up at him; he shakes his head no and then taps his lips with his finger. Not sure of what he means I ignore it and I really don't care I just want his cock in my mouth, I try again and this time he grabs my hair and pulls my head away.. "Come up here" he says.
    I climb up to him slowly, letting my hard nipples drag across his legs and up his stomach. He touches my skirt, "Is this a skirt?" he asks, I say yes - then nothing, he says nothing else!
    I look up at him, and move in to kiss him; he takes my lower lip into his mouth and sucks hard. Our kissing grows harder and faster, he's holding my head and our tongues are swirling against each others. He pulls my head away, "You want my cock?" I reply out of breath "Yes". He looks at me and says, "Go, go have fun".
    I slide down his body, take his cock in my mouth and suck hard, sucking it up and down. God, I miss his cock so much, I love how it fits into my mouth so nicely I love how I can take it down my throat, I love his reactions. I suck hard for him, and then I take more of it deeper, and deeper tills it's in the back of my throat. I hear him saying "Oh my god, holy shit, is this what you wanted all day long?" I nod my head yes and I swallow his cock. He grabs my head and holds it down onto him, I suck it like a good girl, then I try to come up, but he doesn’t allow me to, he holds my head down firmly and this only makes me more wet. My nails are digging into his thighs and I'm still trying to pull my head up, finally he lets me up for air. I'm breathing deeply in and out trying to catch my breath, a moment later I'm back to his cock in my mouth, I immediately go all the way down taking it into my throat, I do that a few times and his body is practically quivering. I don't want him to cum yet so I slow up and start licking his cock, I look up at him quickly; he moans and puts his hand on my head almost petting me. I lick his balls for a few minutes he shaved so nicely for me, everything is so smooth and there is not one hair, I couldn't be more pleased.
    I go back to his cock and suck harder, I suck his cock as if I worship it, then I start licking it again, he takes his cock in his hand and starts rubbing it on my lips and cheek, I open my mouth to take it in but he doesn’t let me. He smacks my face lightly with his cock, and I moan at him I keep my mouth open, waiting for him to let me take it back in. Then he shoves his cock back into my mouth and pulls me down onto it hard. I suck and suck and suck his cock, I hear him say good girl... (mmm how I love that). After about 40 minutes I stop and take a break and lay back, he gets on top of me and goes to town on my nipples, sucking and biting them. He then puts his cock between my tits; I hold them tightly together and fucks them. MMMMmmmm....

    After a little of that I get back onto him (I still have on my skirt and thong) I start grinding my cunt onto his cock then after much grinding it slips in... I moan as I feel his cock deep inside me. I ride his cock, fucking him nice and hard, he holds onto my tits, squeezing them tightly and pinching my nipples which makes me cry out. I wildly ride his cock, my hips bucking back and forth onto him, I have my hands pressed onto his chest and they slide to his throat, I feel as if I'm chocking him, but I don't care I go on riding his cock into me. He then smacks my face (lightly, I would have liked it harder..lol) he moves my hands away from his throat and very quickly he grabs my throat and squeezes. I feel his hand tightening around my throat which forces me to fuck him harder and faster. "That's it, yea that's it fuck me bitch" he says. My pussy is bouncing up and down onto his cock, he's still got my by my throat and it's all just so fucking hot, I grind down onto him and start cumming, I cum hard and I feel my juices slick and running down his cock, down my thighs.. My body shuddering, I'm breathless and I take a moment.

    I move back down to his cock and start sucking... he asks me where I want him to cum and I tell him on my tits. I suck his cock a little longer then I lay down on my back he kneels over me on the side and stuffs his cock into my mouth, he fucks my mouth like that, hard and rough, to the point that I'm trying to pull away a bit but just can't.

    Then he pulls away rubs his cock over me and I play with my nipples for him, he cums all over my chest, I rub it in ( I have no idea why I rubbed it in, I've never done that before), I go on rubbing it in as he grabs some paper towel, he cleans me up and then himself.

    We get dressed, he walks me to my car and I go home and off to sleep. Sex with the BFWB has always been this great, I really should try to make an effort to see him more often!

    Tuesday, June 28, 2005

    A little wierd, a little intimate, and overall pretty cool.

    He laid a soft sheet down on the floor, towards the back wall of the room near his drum set that was all packed up. I'm sitting on the bed as he's running around getting everything together. I can easily see how excited he is. Then he's ready; next to the blanket is a pitcher of hot water, a razor, a scissor, and women’s shaving gel. "Ok ready to go" he says, I slip off of the bed and make my way to his little set up.

    I lie down, my panties are already off and I have just a black tank top on because I'm having one of those fat days (women will understand that). I'm nervous, as I lie before him with my legs spread open. We giggle, as we keep telling each other how weird this is. He tells me to relax, and I try to but for some reason I just can't. I didn't do any maintenance as he requested for the last few days. I feel water sprinkled and shaving cream spread on my pussy, then the razor goes across the top of my pussy, or across the somewhere of my pussy. I was too nervous to try to figure where or what exactly he was doing. But he was definitely shaving me.


    A few days back I was at Morgan's and he told me he didn't do any maintenance because he didn't know I was coming over, I told him it's ok because I didn't do any either. He then told me not to do any, because he would really like to do it for me. I said ok. I couldn’t believe I said ok though, I would never get a bikini wax or worse a brazilian, mostly because I can't have someone up in my pussy like that?! But Morgan's been there... so I think it's a bit different. Anyway back to the blanket...

    As I first feel the razor I start laughing... and laughing this is totally tickling me. I apologize for the giggles and I'm so trying not to squirm but ahhhh it tickles. I tell him not to be so light and gentle but how could he not be! I was giggling and laughing and it was killing me, he said he was shaving the outer areas and needed to be careful... but I just couldn't stop. So we took a minute break and then started again; this time he talked to me more trying to get the tickling off my mind. It didn't exactly work. Then he started working his way in more and the tickles subsided(Thank God). Finally I was able to lie there nicely as he shaves my pussy; he tells me that he's not exactly sure what he's going to do in regards to design... I tell him to do whatever he would like. It's kind of nice lying there with him doing this, and in some weird way it's intimate. He tells me he really likes this and thinks it's pretty hot.

    He ends up shaving everything (I had a feeling he would), he said he just wanted to keep going...lol.

    All in all, the experience was a little weird, a little intimate, and overall pretty cool.

    Monday, June 20, 2005

    Empty Desk

    As some of you may know, I do my posting while at work (how risky of me, I know), this week I'll barely be in the office, therefore I prolly won't be doing much posting. I'm sorrry - I'll miss you all too.

    This weekend - there is absolutely nothing to report - sad I know!
    I went out on Saturday, saw an ex and flirted and that's the extend of it.

    Morgan and I have something exciting we're brewing up and I'll fill you all in on it very soon - it's gonna be fun!

    Tuesday, June 14, 2005

    The Boy in the Building

    It's about 3am, I recently stumbled into my apartment, not drunk, just mostly tired, and all together not feeling so well. I trip over someone's pair of sandals, curse my sister out deciding that they're hers. I untie my pants, as I walk down the hallway they fall to my ankles I step out of them as I enter my room, leaving them somewhere on the floor, lifting off my shirt tossing it, I fall into bed. Mmmmm... My yummy comfy delicious bed, I stretch out, and lay down thinking about my night at Morgan’s. My cell phone rings, I reach under my pillow - it's Morgan. He can't sleep and wants me to come back over, ha I tell him yea ok suuuure. We're talking for a few more minutes - my door bell. Who the hell is at my door at this time? Phone still in tow I climb out of bed, the bell is still ringing and now the person is knocking - loudly.
    "Who is it?"
    "Joey, let me in" (I think to myself - Damn, I make one drunken phone call last night and he's at my door the next.)
    "Who is it?" (I know very well who it is but I figured I'd play dumb)
    Morgan asks, who it is, I tell him I'm not sure but I'll call him back.
    Back at the door he's knocking again.
    "____ what are you doing here" I ask.
    "Just let me in, c'mon"
    I tell him to hold on, run to my bedroom and throw on a t-shirt, back at the door, I slightly open it.
    "____ what are you doing here it's like 3:30 am"
    "Aww Joey let me in, lets hang out"
    "No, go home"

    This banter goes on for about 5-7 minutes,, he begs to come in, he pulls every line he could try - lets just cuddle, let's talk ... on and on.
    He then tries pushing his way in, (he's not forceful or scary to the point that I'm nervous - I kinda want him in, but I kinda don't). He's in, yet he thinks my sister is home so he's quiet; he goes straight to my room and jumps into my bed. (That I didn't really want) I pull him out of my bed.
    And off he goes to my living room, and plops on the couch. I walk over to my door, and tell him to leave, he asks me to come over sit down and chat - I do.

    Now Building Boy cracks me up. We've known each other since I was 12/13ish. He's always, always had a crush on me. As we've gotten older, a few years ago, I figured why not? Let's try this out... Well I soon found out he is a major relationship phobe. What's he want? The friend with benefits, and while that would work out quite nicely being that he lives in my building, I have no interest in that type of friendship with him. There are also other factors as to why I feel that way... but I'm not going into that. And he's done this before too, at my door after a night out.

    We're sitting on the couch, and he tells me how I'm so pretty, so gorgeous and I believe him, I know he truly thinks that. He goes on talking about how he's adored me since way back when.....

    And then he says this which is just classic:
    Joey you are “it” – you’re it, you’re the one!”
    I giggle at him… and reply, “______, I’m not the one, and I’m certainly not your “it” you won’t even date me”
    “Well, I have that, ya know...”
    I interrupt him, “I know, you have that relationship phobia bullshit”.
    He laughs at me, pets my head, and says:
    Can’t I pleeeeeease lick your cunt?”

    Guys just crack me up!

    Thursday, June 09, 2005

    The hottest....... hotter than hot!

    An awesome blogger, Adam had asked to interview me on his blog!
    To read on, here you go:

    The hottest....... hotter than hot!

    Monday, June 06, 2005

    Dildo's & Vibs

    I was never big on dildos and vibrators. They weren't really something that I ever wanted, I was and still am quite happy using my hand and fingers, yet there were objects I experimented with - but that's another story...
    On my 25th b-day I got my first vibrator from Morgan. I guess it's your very basic vib, long, smooth, silver metal. I never used it unless I was with Morgan. He loves to use them on me; -I'd prefer the real thing, a nice hard flesh cock inside me. But through the year I've grown to like it some more. Then I received another vib from a male friend I had some fun times with - this one was a bit smaller, pink, curved and made to look just like a cock. I think I prefer this one, Morgan still prefers to use his.

    Last week he blindfolds me, lays me down and starts kissing me everywhere - yummy!
    Slow soft kisses on my body. He works his way to my pussy and I feel his tongue licking my cunt, immediately I'm wet.

    He stops. I hear him move off of the bed. I feel his lips kissing my cheek and then my nose. He moves away.

    ...


    I don't hear anything. I have no idea where he is.
    I'm not tied, I could get up and move but what fun is that when blindfolded.

    I have a feeling he's just standing there looking at me. He's got to be, I haven't heard him take a step.

    I giggle... "Morgan, where are you"... Right here he replies.

    Silence...

    Then I hear him open up the drawer - (the drawer that holds all his favorite toys, from some good cd's, to condoms, the blindfold and whatever else.


    He climbs back onto the bed, starts licking my pussy, pulls away and then slowly inserts "the birthday present". He slowly fucks my pussy with it; he then tells me he has some presents for me. Next thing I know, I feel this large soft object slowly pushing against my cunt. I lay still as he works at pushing it in, every so often his fingers or his tongue are at my clit, sending quivers through my body. This is so much bigger than any vib I've felt before, but I like it and I'm thinking Morgan bought this due to our night with the fisting attempt and how much I liked that. (Later on he confirms that)
    He then uses another one on me, and another.... they all feel amazing and I cum and cum and cum.

    A great night of dildo's and vibs!

    Friday, June 03, 2005

    My lips

    Saturday night, I was home alone, bored and entirely way too horny. Morgan was away for the weekend. I could of gone out, I had someone else that I should of seen (he will just remain nameless right now), or I could of served CT, I even could of called the BFWB. But unfortunately I had to get up and ready to go out at 5am the next day, therefore going out to get some ass was NOT an option!
    So I stayed home, and entered the world of online porn and dirty chat rooms. I haven't done the online thing in a loooooong while.

    First what popped into my head was the porno's I watch with Morgan. I now have seen all there is to pussy, and many different kinds, but mine.. I really haven't seen mine in that sexy kind of way. That sexy kind of way meaning - not in the bathroom with one leg up on the sink, so that I'm spread open while I take a look at myself with a mirror....

    So, I go lie down in my bed and start touching myself, lightly touching my pussy lips, I slip a finger inside, rubbing up and down slowly. I circle my clit... and I feel that I'm getting wet. I then take a vibrator, turn it on and rub my cunt with it. I then spy my little video camera... hmmm I can make a video of myself masturbating and then watch I think to myself. Then I'd truly be seeing my pussy in that sexy way.

    I get the video camera, prop it on the bed between my legs... and press record. I go to town... Rubbing my pussy with the vibrator, slipping it in and out of me, holding it on my clit, circling my clit. I'm wet, I'm dripping, I pull the vibrator away and then place it back on my clit rubbing harder onto it, teasing myself till I just can't take it anymore, I push the vibrator in, further in, I fuck myself with it and g-d damn it felt good. I hold my pussy lips open with one hand and continue thrusting the vib. in and out of myself - I can't wait to watch this. I drive it in and out, I feel it filling me I'm wishing it were a real cock but hey, I'll make do. My body starts to quiver and I feel that wonderful orgasm coming, I explode, shuddering and my pussy gripping onto the vibrator. My fingers are sticky with my juices... and I'm (almost) satisfied. I lie there taking in the moment.
    I reach down press Stop, then Rewind on the camera. I turn over on my stomach, getting comfy and watch my video - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    WOW, it was somewhat hot watching myself, and at the same time I couldn't help but compare my pussy to others that I've seen in the porno's, is mine normal? Should it look that way? It seems to look ok... I've never received complaints - but seriously what man is going to complain to the pussy's owner - umm None!

    Well despite my few qualms... the video inevitably turns me on... So off to the comp I go. I have fun talking to some dirty perverts, and looking at porn. But I quickly give up on the online porno, it's such a pain, how a million sites pop up and when you X one out 20 more pop up! UGH annoying! I continue talking to the dirty perverts for a while, I have one that just wants to role-play, another begging me to call him so that I can Fake an orgasm for him – that guy was funny, another talking to me about incest and how he wants to fuck his teenage daughter, another tells me about his non-sex life with his wife and how he needs an affair, another guy into D/s, another guy who’s just plain annoying, another guy with a rape fantasy, the amount of dirty perverts are endless… and yes I’m chatting with all of them so I guess I’m a dirty pervert too, but at the same time I’m girl – so that just makes it HOT. I end up masturbating again…

    Before going to sleep - I erase the tape.

    Wednesday, May 25, 2005

    Adventures of Captain Morgan and the One-Eyed Joey

    Last week Morgan and I were rolling around in bed, just play fighting and having some silly fun.
    He had bought a new porno and was somewhat pissed off because the girl on the front was no where to be found. He wanted me to "double check" it, yea ok Morgan... right!

    "Hey Joey lets watch this porn, I don't see this girl in it at all, can you make sure I'm not going crazy! "

    Lol, I do love Morgan, he knows that I have no problem watching porn. Yet he'll find that silly excuse to put it just for fun. Actually I've been told that I'm one of few women who can actually watch porn like I'm watching a TV show. (Is this true; are there a limited number of women who will watch porn even if it doesn’t turn them on?) But seriously I can, if the porn just happens not to be my thing or really doesn't turn me on I can sit and watch as I would with a TV show.

    Meanwhile, I'm watching and he's in his cute, sexy, witty mood, trying to get me all hot and bothered, kissing me, tickling me... licking me sucking me - eating my cunt. Accomplished!

    Morgan loves to play with "the kitty" as he calls it. He loves to go down on me (which yes still boggles my mind) and after he's done, he'll lie next to me on his side down by my legs... keeping them spread open and play with me there. He fingers me and touches me mostly it's soft and nice, sometimes here and there he'll be a little rougher. Well we all know I enjoy it rougher ;) and I was in the mood for a something like that. As he's fingering me I start pushing down onto his fingers hard, Mr. Intuitive then slips another finger in, and another, he pushing them in and out faster as my hips thrust against his fingers. I get lost in the feeling, I stop concentrating and trying to figure out what he's doing (I have a bad habit of this, if a man is down there pleasuring me with his hand, toys, objects whatever it may be if I’m not sure, I relish in the pleasure of it all but at the same time I like to try to figure out what the hell he is doing, what is he using, if it's his hand, how is it positioned how many fingers are there. I don't want to see... if I did I'd just use a mirror. But this is just what I do) Meanwhile, I'm lost in this amazing feeling, and whatever he's doing feels so fucking good. He's never done this before. I feel my pussy spreading further taking more of his hand, and damn it hurts, but it hurts soooo good. My hips are thrusting, my back is arched, my nipples are hard as knobs, and I'm so turned on, fucking his fingers... I keep hitting this point where it won't go further in, I'm trying so hard to push my body down onto him, but it can't, it won't.

    I'm thinking it's his fist, no one's ever attempted to fist me, but that’s certainly what it feels like so I figure that's got to be it. And I want it, want it so badly, I want his fist in me, I want his fist fucking my pussy, I want to be filled, I want it to hurt.
    My hands are gripping the bars of his headboard above me giving me more leverage to push down onto him, my hips are grinding with his hand my whole body is in this, I'm moaning and if it weren't for the neighbors above there'd prolly be a bit of screaming. Still I can't get past this point, it hurts, I'm pushing down, I'm wet, I'm soaked, his hand is soaked, I feel my juices running down my cunt. He's fucking me hard with his hand, and from all of this I just explode, my body shuddering, I cry out not caring about the neighbors, quivering, and cumming.

    Mmmm.. I lie there quietly resting, amazed... Morgan is looking down at me and all I could repeat was thank you. I feel him rubbing his cock against my leg; I know he wants to cum.
    He gets up standing on his knees over me and rubs his cock, he starts masturbating while standing over me... I play with nipples for him and open my mouth, stick out my tongue. With his other hand he lightly pushes my chin up, so that I close my mouth. Then he says "Can I cum on your face". (Hold everything - No one has ever, ever, ever-ever-ever cum on my face!.......................................Ehh - Let's go for it.)
    Looking up at him, "Yes, cum on my face", I watch him masturbate over me, not a minute later I see he's right about to cum.
    I close my eyes, (I have a small urge to tighten my eyes shut and scrinch up my face but I know better!) I lay there with a small sly smile awaiting.... then his hot cum is squirting out on my chin, across my lips, over my nose and through the woods... (couldn’t help myself there folks). Err.. where was I... ok,over my nose, across my eyelid and onto my forehead! WOW. I laid there for a minute letting him breath and enjoy his moment (granted I felt silly with his cum spewed across my face). He gets up to get me some toilet paper, as I’m wiping his cum off ... I get it in MY EYE. Like are freaking kidding me??? How did I manage that?? The left eye was fine but damnit damn it damn it - slowly I feel the burning. I go to the loo (I’ve decided that the English have chosen a much better word than bathroom, and I intend on using it!) Rinse out my poor right eye, and wash my face off... My eye is bloodshot and stinging. Morgan feels bad, really bad (yes he actually does - don't you all dare tell me he faked that) I tell him it's not his fault and that I'm the moron who wiped it the wrong way. I start giggling over the whole thing, he starts laughing along with me... Cum in my eye, this must happen to every girl at one point in her life?!

    Wednesday, May 18, 2005

    The Panick Button

    Elaborating (much) more from my night with Morgan on the last post:


    After we finished watching the Simpsons & Family Guy (our fav. shows), we let the fun begin!
    Getting right to the point here:

    We're in the upside-down-69-position (him on top of me) his cock is pressed between my tits and his hips are slowly thrusting back and forth, I'm licking and sucking his balls, then my tongue moves upward to "that spot" (between his balls and ass). I start to lightly suck, and lick, one of my hands are on his hip digging my nails in, the other is on his ass cheek lightly dragging my nails up and down. My tongue moves back downward to his balls, as I continue to suck them. I then have this notion; why not try the "Panic Button" (a term a friend of mine coined for his prostate). I lick my finger and slowly massage that spot I start moving my finger towards his ass,

    I'm unsure if I can actually do this. I know we've spoken about it.

    I remembered the time he asked me if I knew about the prostate and how a guy can cum from it. He was amazed, and had never heard of it before - my reaction - Haven't you ever watched American Pie? He asked me if I ever did it, I hadn't but I've been asked before.

    I think... well, Joey now’s the time to go for it, I move my finger closer to the area and start rubbing his asshole I lightly rub and he doesn't motion for me to move away, actually he's happily eating out my pussy. I do this for a while making sure my finger is nice and wet for him. While I'm rubbing his hole, I've now taken his cock back in my mouth and am sucking it nice and slow and tight up and down sucking hard.

    I begin to push my finger in just a tiny bit, and the thoughts fill my head with exactly what I'm doing here.
    Hello - your putting you finger in this guys ass!
    I try to stop thinking about this in that kind of way, I think about each time he's done it to me with no problem, and how people actually lick each others hole's - I can do this, it's just a finger Joey.
    I slowly push my finger in a bit and leave it there; he makes a little noise while he's sucking my clit... I have no idea what the noise means, was it a groan? a moan? and uhoh type of noise?
    I leave my finger there and continue sucking his cock, I push it a little further while at the same time I cannot believe I'm doing this!
    At the same time I almost have no idea what I’m doing, where is the prostate? How far is it, how much further do I go, is he gonna freak out on me, well I've gotten this far and he’s not freaking.
    I take my finger out and softly rub the area while sucking his balls, he then says - "Was you finger just in my ass" I say yes, and that’s it - he says nothing else
    I pull my finger out a bit and push back in, the area is nice and wet but I’m sure some lube would help...yet I'm certainly not about to get him off of me to find some lube, and if he really wanted me to stop - he would just say so -wouldn’t he?!
    This goes on for little while then I push my finger in further than I have before this whole time and all of a sudden his cocks becomes fully fully erect and hard! Mmmmm I love it, this has got to be working! I push in much further and slowly I hit something... quickly he ass tightens and pushes my finger out his body quivers on top of me, I go on sucking his cock harder and faster, then within the next minute he cums... and cums.. and cums... I must have swallowed 3-4 mouthfuls of cum... DAMN

    So I did it, I finally did - I hit the panic button and succeeded.

    Friday, May 13, 2005

    Delivering Myself

    Wednesday night I go see CT, my Dom. I arrive expecting to be severely punished, as I have not been there in quite a while now.

    When I pull up I see him waiting for me outside, I park my car, walk across the street and round the corner and turn to the front of his house. He's already gone inside and waits for me by the door. Each and every time I stand in front of that house I remember just how I felt the first time I visited - scared. I slowly walk up the steps 4 or 5 of them; I always walk up the middle of the steps never to the right or left and slowly, I'm not sure if I think walking slowly would buy me time, but as I walk up the small path and up the steps I prepare myself to be used, knowing that I'm delivering myself to this man for his use.
    The lights are always off, it's dark and that makes me nervous, I open the glass door, he is standing near the main door I step inside. There are no hellos as I'm always instructed to be silent. He orders me to take my shoes off. He guides me to his Bowflex “Straddle it”. I sit down on the Bowflex straddling it facing him he stands in front of me and unzips his jeans ”Suck”. I open my mouth and take his fat cock into my mouth he's not quite hard, not quite soft. As his cock enters my mouth it quickly begins to harden. I love that feeling of a cock hardening in my mouth and throat. As I’m sucking his left hand in on my head and his right hand reaches under my chin and he cups my throat like he’s feeding his cock to me. I only suck his cock for a few minutes. He pulls me up, hands me a thick strong branch from a tree and a thinner small branch "hold those", then he leads me upstairs to his bedroom.

    I put the branches down on the table half knowing what they are for and wondering if I'm right.
    He has me sit on his bed and he stands in front of me, again I'm sucking his cock. As I'm sucking his cock he removes my shirt and bra all in one swoop, lifting everything over my head and arms at once. He does it roughly with no concern of mine. After a few minutes he pulls away and lays me down on the bed, he kisses me actually he engulfs my mouth. I pull away, I hate the way he seizes my mouth; his lips over mine his tongue deep deep inside my mouth. Punishment for pulling away - he grabs my throat, choking me with his giant hands and tells me I'm never to pull away from him, I'm his cunt, his slut, his slave and I'll do as told. He chokes me till I agree with him, which I do somewhat quickly. He continues to swallow my face, one hand resting on my neck ready to grab should I disobey. He then stops and lays next to me he tells me that tonight he will test me; testing me to make sure I'm serious about this. He slaps my face lightly, "Do you understand?" I nod. We lay there my jeans still on, he pinches my nipples, lightly touches my skin on my stomach, slaps my face lightly - I wince. He slaps it again a bit harder, I whimper bit... This time he slaps my tit, I cry out, then my face harder this time, I cry out louder... "good girl, that’s a good girl." He starts shoving his hand down my pants grabbing at my pussy. He pulls his hand out and grabs my thighs, my hips, my waist, he begins to grope me. As he is at my thighs he feels the small hole I have in my jeans on the inside thigh... I'll skip this next part where he RIPS my jeans I get furious and we have an argument.

    He takes my jeans and thong off (once again all in one swoop pulling both right down my legs). I'm lying on the bed and he's on his knees looking down at me. Sometimes when I'm with him I feel like a little girl about to be ravaged buy this large older man, who is so much stronger than I. That’s how I felt at that moment, he's over me holding his cock ready to mount me, to take my cunt, use it, fuck it. He lines his cock up to my cunt, spreads my legs wider & pushes in. I cry out... it hurts. I've never had a cock this size in me, the girth of his cock is just so big, he hurts me as he fucks my cunt; it feels like my first time all over again. I can feel his fat cock stretching me, I cry out in pain as he's over me pumping me harder, I know he loves that it hurts me. I spread my legs wide one foot high against the window sill the other leg spread out, my hands pushing down against the inside of my thighs spreading my cunt hole for him. In and out he pumps his cock into me, as it starts feeling a bit better, I thrust my hips into him, he's above me grunting and fucking me like an animal, "that's it fuck my cock he grunts". He relentlessly drives his cock in and out of me... he fucks me till my pussy feels raw inside. He eventually pulls out and cums on my belly.

    We lie for a while and chat about what’s going on in our lives, movies.. that stuff. After a while of chatting all of a sudden he grabs my hair "Suck my cock"...I slink down to the bottom of the bed, move between his legs, and milk his cock with my mouth. After about 15 minutes he pulls me up on top of him and teases my cunt with his cock, he brushes my cunt with it. Rubbing his cock-head on my clit, I want so badly to push down but he won't let me, as well he's not wearing a condom... Then he starts to rub his cock all the while as I'm lying on top of him.. I try to grind my cunt on his hand and he's rubbing his cock but he orders me to stop he then sucks on my tit... I'm dying to cum and I'm jealous as he masturbates I beg him to fuck me he tells me to be silent... and then, then he cums on my leg.

    He never used the branches on me, and he really didn't test me either... I questioned him and he said the he couldn't use the branches because he doesn't like to hurt me unless absolutely possible (I would like to him to hurt me - at least a little bit). Then I questioned him about the testing bit; he claimed that the night wasn't right for it.

    I ended up falling asleep and then left early in the morning.
    The next night I went to Morgan’s, we were in the upside down 69 position (guy on top) for about 30-40 minutes, just devouring each other it was amazing! I drank such a load of his cum.

    I love having those great nights’ back to back, swallowing 2 different loads of cum those nights, two very different men, 2 very different cocks... So much fun!

    Wednesday, May 11, 2005

    But Officer

    Last night I decided to go to Barnes & Noble to find a new book to read.
    Driving on the highway, it's a beautiful twilight sky - not too dark, not too light out. Windows down, hair blowing in the wind, good music on, and chatting with my good friend on the cell phone. As I merge from one highway onto another... I spy a State Trooper in the left lane who's just made eye contact with me. - DAMN!
    Inevitably he pulls me over... DAMN DAMN DAMN.

    He walks over, a tall black man (somewhat nice looking), - License & registration... I fumble through the lollipops that fill my glove compartment looking for my registration. I can't find it - I look up at him and apologize, surprisingly he's quite nice and says that's ok take your time. While I'm searching for the reg. I'm hoping that he sees the PBA card marked that I'm a Nurse in my window (No, I'm not a nurse - I just know the right people in the right places to get me that!) Meanwhile, I find it and then give him my expired license with the registration. He looks at me and says do you know why I pulled you over.... I take a minute and consider telling him that my sister just gave birth and I had to take the call... I don't know what came over me - but I just couldn't do it - I looked at him and in a soft defeated low voice... I was on my cell phone. I was thinking that the cuteness of that would get me out .. it didn't.
    I wanted to say Hey please lets make a deal, I'll suck your cock right here right now, just don't ticket me. Unzip those pants and I'll suck you right here through my window.. (hot)
    Back to reality- HA I would never do that!

    He went back to his car ..... 18 minutes later - yes 18 freaking minutes later. He says over his PA - Driver please step out of the car... I thought that's what I heard... I looked at him in the mirror and he motioned for me to go over to him. I wasn't sure what to do at that point.. As a woman I didn't find it very safe for me to step out of my car... but at the same time he was really nice and he definitely was a trooper. So out I step, I walk over to the passenger side (because he pointed for me to) but also because it's a safer side away from traffic. I bent over into the window - yes he had a clear shot of my cleavage - meanwhile he asks if I've recently renewed my license and points to his computer where it shows that I'm expired. I pretend I have no idea I was suppose to... He lets me off for the expired license, has me promise him I'll renew it tomorrow and gives me a ticket for the cell phone.

    I still haven't renewed it... I'll get to it.

    Tuesday, May 10, 2005

    Massaged to mush

    Lying on the couch watching TV with my sis, looking up at the clock, 10:30p.m. I call Morgan...
    How's the bar?
    It's ok.
    Is it packed?
    Not really, are you coming?
    Ehh, I'm not sure
    Is everyone there? (Everyone referring to the regulars we hang out with)
    They are on their way, I just talked to em'
    So are you coming?
    Maybe, I'll see.

    I hang-up the phone my sis glances over, Are you going? I'm not sure I reply.
    I do that weighing motion with my hands and say; Go to the Bar, Go to bed? Go to the Bar, Go to bed? Go to the Bar, Go to bed?
    I get up walk to my bedroom... I walk back to the living room and bid a good evening to my sis and her bf.
    I get into bed, and pass out.

    I wake up Saturday morning to a few messages at about 2:30am from Morgan, asking where I was, and that he was going home and to bed. Where did he think I was - at another bar... yea .. ok.

    I spent Saturday running around taking care of errands with my sis.
    Saturday night I went to Morgans. My lower back has been killing me so he gave me 15 min massages every 20-30 min.'s - needless to say I was in heaven! We were both pretty tired, but I know Morgan really needed a good night’s rest, so I decided to go home. Home, lying in bed, my cell rings - its Morgan...
    Hey after you left I can't get back to sleep and I'm wide awake
    Yea me too, I'm still awake
    Come back over
    Naw that’s crazy I'm already in bed
    Oh alright..
    We chat for a little while longer... then I finally fall asleep.

    Sunday I spent with the fam. as it was Mother's Day...
    Now Tuesday, I'm really horny at work all day and would love to see Morgan tonight but I don't see that happening - I'm going tanning tonight. I decided to do the spray tanning, in which your not suppose to shower afterwards or get sweaty...hence no sex.

    Thursday, May 05, 2005

    Blinded by the ...

    Blind Dates suck, but we all know that already.
    Every time I have a date I get really nervous that he won't like my looks. But each time over and over it's the other way around... he's ucky and I'm not into him.
    Last night I'm standing outside the bar we decide to meet at and walking down the block I see him... or I'm pretty sure it was him... this little short blonde man.
    I try to keep a straight face and my composure, I walk up to him and introduce myself... we enter the bar. He was shorter than me (in my heels) but still that's really short I’m about 5'3 in heels. We take a small table across from the bar and as we are talking I immediately notice that one of his eyes are way smaller than the other - ok I put it aside, this could have happened in an accident or whatever. My mom and sis keep telling me to stop judging by outward appearance. I try to but physical attraction does matter, and this dude is kinda turning me off. I'm well aware that personality can prevail (BFWB & Morgan are not exactly the dreamiest of men) but as we are sitting there chatting - I could tell, he doesn't get me. This rarely happens - but he really doesn't get me; my humor, my diction... he just doesn't get me. I'm freaking adorable, I'm hysterical and have a great smile and laugh (I've been told this by so many people that I feel confident enough to say this) and when all else fails I've got a beautiful chest.. lol... kidding there - ok but I do! Although this little man would prolly get lost in my chest. He ends up being pretty boring, I ask him questions and it' s like pulling teeth, and when he does answer me it's slow and boring, I start daydreaming about what it would be like if he were fucking me ... ewww ewww ewww get that image out of my head!
    Anyway an hour later, we are leaving the bar (YAY) and it's time to head on home.

    I'm horny today, very horny I need to see Morgan tonight. I want some hot sweaty sex so badly right now, I can't even think of working right now... although I just smelled smoke let me go investigate this.

    Wednesday, May 04, 2005

    Ramblings...

    I've decided to rename the Dom to CT. Well CT is pretty upset with me, he says I'm disobedient. He told me on Monday that I was to serve myself to him, as many of you know Monday was Morgan's birthday- therefore I couldn’t make it to CT. He said that no matter what, I should make it my goal to get there to at least swallow his cum. Then he told me I wasn't a real slave...
    Well guess what, I'm not a real slave and I have a life, but just as well I'm torn. I want to keep him happy I want swallow his cum, I want to get my ass over there so that he can use me as he wishes - but my life supersedes. I tried calling him to talk and apologize but he didn't answer nor did he return my call.

    I have a blind date tonight, I've never had a real blind date I've always at least traded pics, we have no idea what the other looks like - scary! My doctor gave my number to him. He's really very Jewish; we spoke on the phone and I could just hear it. He's successful and lives on the UWS (Upper West Side for all you non-New Yorkers). Successful is important but I've never ever based my decisions of dating someone on that. I've only dated one Jewish guy and that was ok - he was the most recent bf. I'm sure my whole damn family would be happy if I dated more Jews but they are such weenie mama's boys. I just click well, and how could I not like those yummy Italians, and Irish guys!? I'll keep you posted on the date.

    I talked to the BFWB, he knew why I was mad but didn't call right away because he likes to give me a "cool down period", I should have realized this - he always did that back in the day when we were closer friends and would get into arguments. Yet, the "cool down period" always made me a little angrier. Anyhoo, we talked it out and he apologized for being rude and disrespectful, I told him I just don't understand I'm soo freaking easy-going how does he manage to make me angry or upset. I still wont' see him right away, I'm going to make him wait before he feels my lips wrapped around his cock again.

    Monday, May 02, 2005

    F, for Fail.

    I'll just come out and say it - Saturday night was a flop.

    I suck - lol... and that’s about all I did, well actually... errr... ok here's the disappointing story:

    The day started off badly. Morgan wasn't feeling well therefore he didn’t want to go to a hotel and his cabin was in use by other family members. Neither did we go to the sex shop to get some hot new porn and toys - so there already was a bit of a damper on the evening.
    I arrived later than expected, due to him not feeling so well. I got there at about 8:30ish, right off the bat I think he could tell I wasn't right - I was actually so tired. We both had had about 3-4 hours of sleep the past two earlier nights. We hung out and bullshitted for a while...
    I gave him a 45 minute massage it was AMAZING. Even I could tell just how damn good it was, He was thoroughly pleased. I would have gone the full 60 minutes but my hands were really starting to cramp. During the massage he had on his Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble DVD of a 1985 show (quality*) - it made for good massaging music.
    After the massage I was seriously done, sooo tired, I can't even describe. I wasn't in the mode nor mood I should have been in; as well I wasn't looking forward to what was supposed to come next.
    I couldn't do it - I couldn't do anything. I think I was just so panicky about the whole thing - that my body's response and my brain's excuse was exhaustion.

    Side note:
    After work on Friday I went with a friend to the sex shop by our office, she told me start with something simple - like a cock ring she also threw in some anal beads (we know - those are not exactly simple, but I knew it was something he wanted to try with me) well they weren't exactly beads, they were silicone ehhh - hard to explain. Meanwhile somewhere along the way I LOST the cock ring. I realize the loss about 5 minutes before leaving for his place, with the new item lost - I panic (again). I can do the cock ring it was such a baby step to lead up to the tying and blindfolding and anal silicony thingies. But now, now without that - Holy Shit.


    After the massage I told him - give me a minute or few I just need to rest, I laid back on the bed. He knew it, knew it - my drowsiness was evident. He just gave me a look and all I could do was apologize... "I'm so sorry, but I'm so tired, can I pleeeease make it up to you?!" "At least it's not really your b-day, that's it - I'll make it up to you on your birthday, Monday". (Who am I to go and make promises about making this up to him - when my whole reasoning for being so tired is prolly to avoid the whole thing.)
    He tells me its ok - and kisses my forehead, I know he's disappointed.

    As I'm lying on the bed next to him falling asleep, he gets up, comes back over, blindfolds me and leads me to "the chair". I'm in no mood to be tied and used or punished or whatever - just let me sleep. He ties me to the chair leaving on only my corset and knee high black boots. He tells me that I've been bad and should be immediately punished... I feel the end of the crop brush softly against my nipples then it traces along my skin to my face, my cheek.....
    I was actually so relaxed and drowsy that I could have fallen asleep just like that... SLAP
    I feel the crop come down across my breast. I cry out, he hits the other- SLAP, I cry out again.
    He again tells me I've been bad, I apologize, he teases my cunt with his crop... He teases my lips with his cock, my mouth opens and I reach to take it in, but he pulls back telling me - thought you were too tired, aren't you too tired and exhausted...
    SLAP... the crop comes down across my thigh...
    After about 20 minutes of punishment he unties me, we go back to bed, I suck him... then as I lay back down to finally get some sleep... he comes from behind me and starts fucking me... and fucking me, and fucking me I wanted to almost beg him to stop but I wouldn't dare - I felt bad enough that I ruined the night.... He finished and cumes all over my ass, he then wipes it up and I fall asleep next to him still in my corset and black boots.

    Friday, April 29, 2005

    Gooch, Grundle, and What TO DO?

    Last night I went over to Morgan's we watched a horrible, horribly bad porno, yet amusing. During the dreadful porno Morgan was between my legs lapping my pussy. I normally hate that, I truly don't enjoy a man down there sucking and licking my cunt, but Morgan has changed my view (a bit), he is the only guy who I allow to do that to me. I fully enjoy when he does it but all in all I could still go without it and I’d be fine. (I know I'm a weird girl).
    Afterwards I gleefully returned the favor. Morgan has a great cock, almost a perfect one - not quite perfect but damn close to it. I'm about 30 minutes into sucking his cock, he stops me and pulls me up towards him, we start kissing, deep long kisses, we turn over switching positions,

    I'm now lying down on my back and he makes his way back down to my kitty, all I want to do is suck his cock and as he's driving me crazy as I feel his tongue thrusting in and out of my pussy. I'm dying to suck his cock, begging him at this point but he ignores my pleading at first and continues with the tongue action. Finally he turns around (while still over me) and his cock is now fully erect and there for me right above my mouth. I take it in my mouth suckling and licking, devouring his delicious cock. I pull it out and lick his shaft to his balls. He goes crazy; he loves when I lick his balls. I have his cock in one hand and am rubbing nice, hard, slow strokes between my tits, while still my warm, hot tongue is licking, and licking his balls. Then I hit the spot, right between his balls and his ass (what the hell is the word for that - gooch, grundle?!) I lick then I suck it for a few moment and his cock starts twitching I know he's about to cum, I do it again and he begins licking my clit and nibbling it, we both are moaning and grinding our hips into each other’s faces - we're about to explode; I take his cock in my mouth just in time to feel his hot cum shoot straight down my throat, as I cum so hard for him.
    He then lies down next to me the - two of us are fully satisfied and spent.
    I end up going home and get into bed at about 3 am.... My lips still bright red and partially numb - oh what a feeling!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Morgan's birthday is this weekend. We will be mainly celebrating it on Saturday, but hope the festivities continue through Sunday night (or Monday morning should I say!).
    So the POA (Plan Of Action) is:
    Today will be our normal Friday night, he's working at the bar, and I'll go over to his place afterwards and sleep over.
    On Saturday, we are either going upstate to his cabin, or going to CT and getting a hotel room for the day & night. Morgan has requested that he wants a weekend of sex. But not our usual mind-blowing sex this time he wants crazy, go-all-out, sex like we've never had before. He's also requested that the first three hours are all about Him. And I'm to do anything and everything that I want. HOLY SHIT!
    My dear readers - you know this is not me; I'm not the take control kind of gal, here let me experiment with your cock, balls and ass. But I have to do this; I really want to do this!
    Please someone map this out for me, make it a little easier and give me a full blow-by-blow (no pun intended, well a little pun intended) as to what I should do for 3 HOURS LONG. I figured for the first hour I'll give him a full body massage - Morgan flips out over my massages so an hour long one, I figure he'll be quite happy with! But I still have two full hours left - help help help!

    Tuesday, April 26, 2005

    Weekend Round-up

    Friday night was my usual night - I went to the bar where Morgan works; though he just informed me that he's given them his two-weeks notice :(
    I got somewhat drunk went back to Morgan's and had yummy yummy sex.

    Sidenote: I've recently told Morgan about my interest and
    experiance in D/s. He was blown away by this, he couldn't believe that I had this crazy kinky side to me - he loved it. Since I've revealed this to him, he has not stopped talking about it, and questioning me about it. He says he wants to try it; well I don't think it's something someone can exactly "try". But then again maybe it is - maybe it's in him to be a dominant controlling man (mmmmmm...) and we wouldn't find out unless he tried.

    So throughout our yummy sex he wanted to tie me up - I told him not tonight but I promise him on Saturday we will.

    Saturday night was our Passover Seder - 30 people at dinner, at least 4 glasses of wine each person = much fun! I had about 5 glasses of wine, then went to Morgan's he told me he wanted to spend his b~day with me (awww). And then he brings up the tying. I'm still not comfortable with him doing this. I fully trust him but I thought it would be weird. I also had other reasons... which he figured out (he's so intuitive). We end up kissing and then I let him...

    I'm laying on the bed on my back as we are kissing he stops and tells me not to move a muscle. He comes back, and blindfolds me, takes my pants & shirt off... then leads me to the other side of the room and sits me into a chair. He then asks me if I trust him, and I say yes. He then kisses me. He ties my hands behind me to the back of the chair then takes my bra off but lets it fall down past my stomach (he can't take it off now that my arms are tied). He touches me lightly here and there. Then all of sudden he hits my nipples with something, I figured it out to be the wire brush from his drum set (yes he's plays the drums - hot!). It hurt - I took the pain, I liked the pain. He orders me to spread my legs, I open them a bit. I didn't do that to misbehave, it only opened them a bit - because this is Morgan giving me orders, and it's very weird. I was quite fidgety, and nervous. I had a hard time letting myself go, or letting myself get into it. I couldn’t bring myself to obey his every word, to be fully submissive to him.

    He then ties my legs to the bottom legs of the chair, not only does he tie my ankles but he wraps the cloth around my ankles, calves and thighs and then back down to my ankles; my legs were fully restrained and spread open for him. He touched my cunt lightly with his fingertips, I was quivering. I just wanted him to untie me, throw me on the bed and fuck me. He grabs my face and puts his cock to my lips, I open my mouth and take his cock, I suck it, suck it hard for him, as he tells me show me how badly you want me to fuck you. As I'm sucking him feel his legs begin to quiver and I can tell he's about to cum. He then pulls away and cums all over my tits & stomach. He walks away leaving me there covered in his cum for about 10 minutes... When he returns he tells me I'm not to wipe it off, he unties me kisses me deeply. We walk over to the bed; I'm still quiet I'm not sure if "it's over". Then he looks at me and says - "I'm sure I just did horrible" I was like - "Oh my god no - you fully impressed me!" We then fucked and all was well!

    Sunday - went to Morgan's bar, but didn't go home with him, he had a bad day and just wanted to go to bed - understandable, but I always though that a good fucking (or at least a blow-job)can always make a bad day go away?!! Well he certainly missed out!

    I was going to call the BWFB but I then remembered I'm upset with him. He missed my b~day (usually not a big deal but after 11 years of friendship - thats just bullshit), ignored a text message of mine. Then a few days later he text's my phone - here's the text's (my thoughts in italic)

    BFWB: Blowjob? (Are you serious, did he literally just text me and say - blowjob? I cannot believe him - how fucking rude and disrespectful. )

    ME: NO!

    BFWB: Are you mad?

    ME: Yes, but it's too much to explain on here.

    BFWB: What's wrong?

    ME: I just told you it's too much to type out on here, I shouldn't even need to tell you this - but call me if you care to know.

    He didn't call me, ugh - I have no patience with this one. I practically don't care it’s just that we have such animalistic attraction to each other that it's unbelievable what happens when we get together.

    Thursday, April 21, 2005

    Hand and Thigh

    About a year ago I finished one of those long hard days at work. That kind of day where you feel like absolute shit, you hate what your wearing, it’s bad hair day and on top of it - it was one of those grueling days in the office.
    I throw my hair up in a messy pony-tail make my way to Grand Central and pray – pray that I do not see a single sole who I might possibly know.
    I sit down in a two-seater on the train, the inside seat, I close my eyes, begging to just be home already. A man sits down next to me; I glance over at him – nothing special and no-one I know – perfect! As people are boarding the train there’s a bit of commotion ahead - some teenager with an attitude annoyed an elderly woman – people next to them take care of it, and the man next to me says “Sheesh, what a jerk”, I agree with him and smile then lay my head back against the seat.
    Finally the train departs… I close my eyes to take a 30 min nap. I sleep quite lightly on the train, and I’ve never missed my station in the 5 years I’ve worked in the city. Within in about 10 minutes I think I feel something on my leg, a little above my knee, yet I’m not quite sure. I start thinking to myself: Your bag is on your knees (and it’s fallen forward leaning onto my stomach), so I’m guess maybe my bag moved up a bit, ok Joey just try to go back to sleep it’s nothing. I close my eyes…. Again – there it is again! Now I know it’s not my bag, it’s warm and it’s actually pressed down onto my thigh, this definitely feels like a hand. OK stay calm, remain relaxed. I haven’t yet opened my eyes. Oh-my-god the dude sitting next to me actually has the balls to put his hand on my thigh – are you KIDDING me. This stranger is fully feeling up my thigh. Stay still and act as if you're sleeping, as this ballsy Groping Stranger starts to move his hand higher up my thigh. He moves it very, very slowly. I get a little frightened, so I pretend to wake-up (also to see what he does). I gotta give it to him – he’s somewhat smart the Groping Stranger doesn’t quickly take his hand away, which would be too obvious. He actually just lifts it up and keeps it there hovering right above my thigh!

    Your prolly wondering how is he doing this without anyone seeing and without him thinking I see it. Well if you’ve ever ridden on a Metro-North train you’d know that these seats are so close together also its winter in NY, everyone has one big bulgy jackets. So between my jacket and my bag, no one can see where his hand is.

    I look out the window to waste a little time and give him a chance to take his hand away – he doesn’t- he leaves it there hovering above my thigh. Ugh! I close my eyes again and lay my head back. Part of me is somewhat freaked and out scared and part of me is fully turned on from the Groping Stranger’s hand on my thigh and by his bold and daring moves. I pretend to fall back asleep, within a few minutes, his hand starts to travel back up my thigh. He goes very, very slowly, making snail-like timing up my thigh. Now he’s getting pretty close to my crotch and I’m sure his hand can already feel my warmth, I figure two can play at this game Mr. Groping Stranger! I pretend to wake up again, and as quickly as my eyes open his hand is hovering above my thigh – impressive I gotta hand it to the man! I close my eyes and again within a few minutes he softly places his hand back onto my thigh. The conductor comes through our car – I “wake up” and as I do this time he slyly moves his hand away. He does it so well that I’m not even sure when it’s fully gone. Conductor comes by – I flash my train pass…. Let the games continue:
    It all starts over again – I “fall asleep” and within a few minutes – well actually he waited a little longer this time – then his big hand back onto my thigh, leaving it there for a bit and then getting closer to my crotch. The train would soon be approaching my stop, I now I was genuinely nervous that he would follow me off. So I had to end this (no, you perves he never made it to my crotch!) – I again “wake up” and proceeded to stay awake for the next 10-15 minutes. The stop before my own I planned to get up and walk to another car of the train to exit so that he wouldn’t follow me – but he ends up getting off at that stop. He looks over at me with a smirk on his face and says “Have a good night” I could only think “I’m glad you just did”!

    Wednesday, April 20, 2005

    Hungry for the Cock

    I have not had sex since the 14th, it's now the 19th. Ugh, how I hate dry spells like this. I'm going crazy and now, now Aunt Flo is in town. I don't have patience like this for these things. Yes I can have sex with Aunt Flo here - I just truly don't like it. I am certainly up for giving a great blow job but Morgan's MIA since Sunday. I need a cock right now.

    Not much else to write, sorry all - hopefully I'll have a good story soon!

    - The (sex starved) Unknown Naughty Girl.

    Monday, April 18, 2005

    Burnt Bum

    What a silly, silly girl I am...

    So as you all know I was in a horrid mood this past Friday. When I got home from work, I decided it was time for a tan. My skin was just too white, I have very, very dark brown hair - against my white skin it's beautiful; but seasons are changing and I need a tan!
    I go in, and it's like clockwork, from years of tanning the words just spew out of my mouth - "Regular bed please, 20 minutes". I fork over 8 bucks. Walk into the room, undress (completely undress) rub the tan enhancing lotion all over me and take a relaxing 20 minute nap under those bright bulbs pumping fake solar light onto my body.
    3 hours later, I'm in pain, sooo much pain. (Why didn't I just do 10 minutes - stupid girl). My whole body (everything, my ass, my nipples- everything!)is red and burnt and hot, while I'm freezing and have the chills. Yet this doesn't stop me, I painfully get dressed, and off to the bar I go. I decide to wear a pink lace bra because it matched my shirt just so well. I NEVER wear this bra, it's a scratchy lace bra - but I decide to wear it when my back is burnt to hell - IDIOT! At 12am - it's officially my birthday, we drink but I don't get hammered, I think I was in too much pain. Morgan was working (and no I didn't kill him), a bunch of us go to another bar after Morgan closes up - he goes home. He calls me and says call me when you're leaving the bar and come over if I'm still up.
    Guess what - imbecile falls asleep.
    I get home at about 4:30-5ish and try my best to get to bed, despite the pain of ANYTHING touching my skin.
    Saturday, MY BDAY - I'm not going into detail as to what I did - it was an ok day.
    Saturday night I end up going to Morgan's we watch 2 movies; during which I'm complaining about my burnt skin. He put up with me and did a good job of it. I slept over, and I certainly paid for my stupidity. I was burnt so badly Morgan couldn't even touch me, no less fuck me. He tried snuggling with me while we slept but that hurt too much, he wrapped me in his very soft blanket and held me close to him - that was as close as we got.
    Sunday morning I awoke to him fingering me which was nice, but the rest of me hurt so badly that I couldn't fully enjoy it.
    Alas - no sex on my birthday, no sex on my last Friday of 25 due to my stupidity of getting a 20 minute tan on my white ass skin.
    At least Morgan pulled through and was there for me on Saturday night.

    Saturday, April 16, 2005

    Birthday Girl


    HAPPY BIRFDAY TO ME!

    I'm in a much, much better mood today, I even brought some cake for everyone!


    Yummy Cake!

    Have to run - time to party!!

    Friday, April 15, 2005

    Gloomy Girl

    "It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces." - Bridget Jones

    I'm in such a gloomy and bad mood today. My Birfday is tomorrow... yay.... Last night Morgan (the imbecile) was arrested - what is that about??? My friends are not people who get arrested?!! I can't believe this; I'm so angry with him. I was supposed to spend my birfday with him all weekend long together. He's not in jail at the moment but I SWEAR if this imbecile ruins my weekend I'll kill him.

    My sister has decided to go away this weekend, she's visiting family - I'll be sad with her gone - especially if the imbecile fucks up and then I'll be stuck home alone... GRRRRR I want to rip someone to pieces right now!!
    My family has decided to celebrate my b-day on Sunday - so at least I'll know I wont' be alone then.
    Why am I so down-and-out today... maybe it's just the "Boyfriend Blues". Yup, that’s exactly what I call it when a special event, or some rainy day comes along, and you really, really want your other half with you. Well I'm missing my other half and I’ve been (somewhat -foolishly) replacing Morgan as my other half.

    Or maybe it's just the "Birthday Blues" I always get sad when my birthday is here - really - who wants to get older? Not I! I've tried to embrace this, but my conscious fights with me, it says:
    - Embrace - HA a birthday is nothing to embrace; Soon enough you'll be 30-something then 40- something... and you'll never get 25 back ever- EVER AGAIN. Matter-of-fact this is your last Friday being 25 - better get some good ass tonight and have a great time or you'll REGRET IT.
    Ok so that's what’s going on in my head all freaking day long...
    I think I'm having some kind of mini-breakdown, is that possible?? This entire post doesn't sound like me - but it is HELLO Everyone this is Me freaking out over birthdays, friends, family, loneliness, age, and where the fuck is my other half - How long will it take before I find him or he finds me??? Seriously I'm 26 now... AAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh! (Spinning and falling to the ground)

    And another thought while I'm here down on the ground... It's not suppose to rain tomorrow - it's rained on my birfday for as long as I could remember - let's just tack that onto my list of shit I'm freaking out about - RAIN DAMMIT RAIN!

    Thursday, April 14, 2005

    Sex Scenes - Take 2

    Yesterday Morgan had a horrible day, so I went over to his place thinking we’d either chat, watch a movie and I’d give him a great massage Or we’d chat I’d still give him a great massage and then after having my hands deeply rub and caress his neck, shoulders, arms, hands, back, legs and feet he just wouldn’t be able to resist me.
    More of the latter thought happened…

    When I arrived he didn’t feel like talking about his bad day so he massaged my feeties as I chatted away about my newest family annoyance (I should start another blog devoted to that). After I somewhat talked his ear off and he was laughing hysterically I thought he was going to lay down for his massage. Instead he carefully lays me down on the bed (on my back) he lays next to me kinda over me and says “How ‘bout a little making-out before a massage”. Now Morgan always uses the term “making-out”. I think it’s adorable, we are so far from 13 and high school (those fun making-out years) but anytime he says it (quite often) he brings me right back to those years.
    We make-out for a while, softly, slowly, delicious kisses….
    Fast Forward ---> ---> --->

    I then give him a 20-30 minute full body massage.

    Fast Forward ---> ---> --->
    Back to delicious making-out kisses, he then takes the blanket and pulls it over us. I love when he does that; it creates this dark, cozy, secret place, it’s just the two of us and the whole world is so far away while we are under his blanket. Kisses and kisses are pouring all over me, my mouth, my cheeks, chin, neck, earlobes, neck, chest, breast, nipples… He somewhat passes my belly (he knows that I’m too self conscious about it to let him kiss it) but he’ll still sneak in 1 or 2 kisses and then, then I feel his tongue on my pussy, and he’s there for quite a while… My mouth then makes way to his cock, sucking, licking and devouring it…
    Fast Forward ---> ---> --->

    He’s on top of me slowly thrusting his cock into me, my hands tightly hold on to his arms my nails digging into him, my legs wrapped around him, our bodies moving in rhythm continuously together – we have that great slow luscious sex and he cums on my belly.

    A little while later I leave and the BFWB calls – he’s working stop by, Yay*. So I stop by the firehouse (he’s an EMT) and we chat about life, how we’re doing, who from HS (high school) we’ve seen or run into. Then I get down to business (no pun intended…lol). We’re in my car because of all the firehouses he works at the Wednesday night one is the one I hate. I love sucking this man’s cock; I’ve been doing it since I was 16, so we know exactly what the other likes. He hold’s my head down on his cock, tells me I’m a good girl, he’ll tease me pulling my head away and not letting me suck it or he’ll rub his cock all over my face…he pulls my hair, tells me to look up at him. Every time I suck his cock, the whole thing is just very, very electrical and intense I think I could cum from sucking his cock alone. After about 45 minutes he cums, so fucking much, he cums down my throat, but there just so much it’s spilling from my lips down my chin - the whole scene is just so hot.

    So, overall last night was excellent, I had delicious sex with someone I truly care for, it was like a setting out of some lovey dovey movie, and then I gave a hardcore porno-like blowjob to my EMT friend.

    Excellent night Indeed!

    Monday, April 11, 2005

    Renaissance Man

    I was chatting with one of my IT guys at work while waiting for the elevator, somehow my cleavage became the topic of convo.

    Exhibit A: My Cleavage


    He told me that I had great cleavage, and would look awesome in one of those dresses from the renaissance days. I replied and said, yea I've always loved those dresses, maybe I should have been born then, he looked at me and said "Yea they just don't make women like they used too".

    How cute is that!!

    TLO

    On Friday night I met up with the new one (that younger guy) who I will call TLO I cannot say why - but that’s his new code name. And if you can figure it out - licks for you!
    So I met up with him at park. I know SOOO DUMB, who meets up with a stranger at a park at night? - I do. I just went with instinct, and I knew I would be fine, besides I'm strong, great at kickboxing I'm sure I could kick some ass if needed.
    Anyway we sat and talked on a bench for a while - 20-30 min.'s he was unsure of what to do and I was nervous. He didn't know if he should be my friend or be my Dom... lol and he asked me more than once - "How should I start?" What was that? Are you serious? It was so unattractive how uneasy, unsure, and unconfident he was.
    I know at the same time that he was taking it slow, and not sure if I’d scream rape or anything - but still.

    After a while he kissed me, (I'm going to leave out some of my personal thoughts and feelings during this description due to the fact that he reads my blog) so we're kissing and then he eventually gets to my breasts, (which he did not stop staring at all night long - but that was ok) he touches, fondles, pulls my shirt down and takes them out of the black lacy bra, he starts sucking on them. He slightly pinches and nibbles, he gets a little rougher and rougher with them to where I'm whimpering a bit and they are just killing me. Note, we are outside and it's cold, so the cold air is just assisting him in hurting me. He wants me to suck his cock - I refuse. He is seriously upset and mad about this; he starts to somewhat beg me. BEG ME - A Dom begging a Sub - I can't even believe it... "C'mon, why won't you, not at all?, just suck it" - .... I can't deal with this. The night goes on. I'm now on my knees on the concrete being told to stare at his crotch while he touches himself outside of his jeans... he was bulging. Deep inside I did want to suck that cock - sooooo badly did I want to suck it. But I never suck a guy I don't know. And his begging had completely turned me off. We end up in my car and I he still wants a damn blowjob - I somewhat hint to him that he can be a little more demanding a little more rough with me. He takes that and orders my face to his crotch - I comply. For the next 20 minutes he rubs my face into the jeans over his crotch, it was somewhat humiliating, during this time he's saying shit to me - asking if I like this, and that’s where my face belongs.. blah blah blah. So finally he got into it but at that point it... oh I don't know.

    Saturday and Sunday were boring - did some shopping. Went to Morgan's on Sunday - was about to have to good sex, but he did something stupid so I proceeded to get dressed and leave... We made up later that night, I'll be there tonight for make-up sex -YAY*

    Friday, April 08, 2005

    The new One

    It's been a few days, and I have a lot to catch up on here.

    My weekend - sex just once - Friday night. Grrr... But Friday night was good, I went to the bar, was with friends who had birthdays that weekend, which means extra drinking. I got to the bar I ordered a beer and a shot of tequila - obviously I was on a mission! And mission completed (Little Pat on the back). I ended up sleeping at Morgan's so the sex was that fuzzy really drunk, just-fuck-me sex. Mmmm Mmmm good! And the next morning I awoke to him fucking me. I think that’s one of my favorite things, waking up with a cock thrusting in and out of my wet pussy.

    Saturday and Sunday were quiet and boring, nothing to report; just lots of masturbating.

    Nothing is going on with Mr. Blue Eyes, we still flirt but I’ve decided to keep it only at that.

    I met someone new - well I haven't met him yet - tomorrow we meet in person.
    He’s younger than I, which is a big thing to me, because I don’t date or fuck guys who are younger than myself. Yet, he’s mature, smart, well spoken and interested in D/s. It surprises me that he even knows about D/s, yet he does and he seems to be well educated about it. I’m not going to tell you his age – but he’s 3 years younger than I. I don’t think the age thing bothers him, if anything he prolly enjoys it; dominating and older woman – that’s gotta be hott. Yet over here on my side of the fence, submitting to guy that’s younger than me, like I said I don’t even look at younger men, and now I might submit to one, I think it’ll be somewhat humiliating/embarrassing, but maybe not… Anyhoo, we've been talking everyday this week, and I mean "everyday" we speak all day long on IM while at work. So I really enjoy talking to him and am excited about meeting him tomorrow (nervous and hoping he likes me) but excited! I've got to think of a name to call him on here - any of my loyal readers have suggestions? - I could use the help on this! (Thunder - you have great code names - help a fellow blogger out!)

    With the Dom

    I went to the Dom that I see here and there. It was very intense:
    When I arrived, he immediately had me straddle his Bowflex and suck his cock; it was only for a minute or two. Then we proceeded up stairs, into his bedroom, he blindfolded me, had me undress (mind you - very hard to do when blindfolded and wearing heels). I heard the sound of tape, he taped my mouth; he's never taped my mouth. I was nervous, even scared as to what he had planned. He has me bend over his bed in which he then spanks me; telling me what each spank was for. The first two were because I have not seen him enough; the next was because he liked the color it made my ass, another because he still hasn’t used my ass, another because he can, and so on...

    Afterwards he brought me into his study, sat me down in front of his computer, took off my blindfold, and took the tape off of my mouth. He instructed me to lift one breast at a time as he put a piece of electrical tape around each breast tightly. He stepped behind the chair, put earphones over on my head, held my head and neck and proceeded to play porno on his computer that I was required to watch – they were mostly of girls getting fucked in the ass, and some of girls giving blowjobs… His point in having me watch this is because I absolutely refuse to let him fuck my ass, and he wanted to show me that my ass is not special – ton’s of women like to have anal sex… Duh – I’m well aware of that.

    Later on he had me sucking his cock (something I love to do) but he has a HUGE cock – its girth is just… Amazing. After sucking his cock for so long my jaw is in so much pain – but he just makes me keep going and going, he’ll hold my head down on his cock and say “let’s see how long till you pass out” – which scares me. I’ll try to beg him to let me stop, I whimper, even start to cry a bit – but he seems to like that (of course). I never ever thought I would say that I’d beg to stop sucking – but with him I do.

    We head back into his bedroom, he starts fucking me (finally!) but it was quick, then I’m laying on the bed on my back, he ties my wrists and ankles so that I’m spread open, he then walks to the open side of the bed near my head and motions for me to open up – he pushes his giant cock into my mouth instinctively I start to suck, he then proceeds to lay down across me and fuck my face. I kid you not; the man is on top of me, cock in my mouth and using as he would a cunt. WOW… I was just helpless, laying there being used… and I liked it. Though he was much more rough, mean, even brutal which I didn’t exactly like but I know it’s all for a reason. Therefore I accept it.

    Friday, April 01, 2005

    SCORE!

    Goal Accomplished!

    I had some very, very good sex last night.
    After work, I ran home changed into some comfy cotton pants, a tank top and zippered sweatshirt and went over to Morgan's. When I got there we just hung out for a while and put on a movie, then he asked for a massage. Now, I always give him massages, and then he does to me, but last night I just wasn't feeling up to it. I gave him a very quick massage and prolly pretty bad too, it definitely wasn't my best. A little while later he grabs me, gets my beer and swears he'll pour it on my hair if I don't give him another better massage, this turns into a whole wrestling match between us while drops of beer spill on me and the bed...lol it was fun, we were hysterical laughing.
    I lose the wrestling match; are bodies are twisted in the blankets and sheets and we are just devouring each other. Kisses everywhere my arms, neck, cheek, lips, etc.... Then finally, finally after teasing me and teasing me I feel his cock penetrate, thrusting into me harder and harder. He then completely surprises me; I feel his hand around my neck, mmm... When we turn around and I'm on all fours he's got a fist of my hair in his hand and he's pulling it hard, my body moving with his as I rock back and forth on his cock...
    We slow down, I've already orgasmed at least two or three times by now... Morgan's back on top of me slowly moving in and out of me, he then pulls out climbs higher on me and places his cock between my tits. We go on like that for just a minute or so before I feel his hot cum pouring onto my chest and neck... Oh how I love when a man cums on me, that feeling to be covered with his hot cum... mmmm... indescribable.

    Thursday, March 31, 2005

    5 Days?! and Mr. Blue Eyes

    I have not had sex in 5 days. What's up with that??? I'm not some kind of sex maniac, or nympho but this is ridiculous. I have to put an end to this. Tonight it will be my goal to have some good, great, mind-blowing (ok maybe that’s a bit much) sex.

    Not much else going on over here in my world... I'm at work pretty bored today things are slow; I have some follow-up calls to make.... I'm just not in the mood to yet.

    There's a guy here at work that’s totally into me, Mr. Blue Eyes. He's hit on me too many times to count, we flirt all the time and he’s even hinted to me to go to his house when his wife and kids were away- I didn't take him up on it. I'm not sure if I want to get involved in that kind of crazy office affair. The little cute devil in me says - Why not go ahead your only 2_ years old for so long... Have Fun!! And then that cautious careful angel, says NO WAY, mixing co-workers and sex is dangerous enough as is... being that he's married would just make it worse.

    I'm thinking... how would this benefit me? I already have 1 guy I fuck regularly (with the exception of the last few days); I have another I see here and there, the third is the Dom whom I see least of all. So if I add in Mr. Blue Eyes to this mix, what does that do, it's just another cock to fuck? Don't get me wrong I'm aware that a wayward office romance would be fun, but is it worth it? What is he's horrible or that he's doesn’t please me, or vice versa (could that happen)? It would ruin our nice little office relationship, and might make things weird, or it could go the opposite way - amazing sex, we sneak off (somewhere for quickies) my day at the office would be great... Yet Mr. Blue Eyes is naturally a flirt, he often goes to lunch with other women in the office, I'm not so sure if he's had anything going on with them, I assume not, but there is one particular woman he's close with... Maybe I would just be another notch in his (office) belt.
    So should I go for this or not?

    Wednesday, March 30, 2005

    Cancelled

    Ok so my Tuesday night romp I had to cancel on account that I was feeling sooo freaking sick after I got off the train and then my mom calls me last minute and needs emergency help with some computer shit...

    Later that night I'm feeling better, so I try Morgan as a back-up but he came home too drunk from the bar and went right to bed. WTF? Man... I left him a voicemail saying that tomorrow (which is today) I'll be expecting lots and lots of sex.

    Today is a beautiful day in the neighborhood (NYC), sunny and 60 degrees - this weather puts me in the best mood! And I finally have a chance to wear my new sunglasses, I love new sunglasses especially when they're only $8's and look awesome. Cheap sunglasses make me happy! Oh the little things in life!

    Tuesday, March 29, 2005

    The Cooter Muffin

    At the bar last night, I was the only woman sitting there in a sea of men (the regulars of the bar) whom I know well. Somewhere along our topics of conversation one of the guys proceeded to refer to the vagina as a “Gash”. Oh-My-God I thought that was actually pretty nasty and nasty in the gross way – not the cool way. After he said that I was flabbergasted… Gash !? I'm not easily offended, actually I really don't get offended at all.. but Gash - ewww
    Wow… of course after everyone heard that each one of the guys went on to contribute:

    1) Gash
    2) Hatchet Wound (Wow I’ve never ever heard that one!)
    3) Cum Dumpster
    4) Bearded Clam (Old and played out if you ask me)
    5) Cum receptacle
    6) Where Uncle’s doodle goes (The nasty loner at the bar contributed… hmm he’s scary)
    7) Creamy Canal
    8) Bubble Gum by the Bum (Hahaha so funny!)
    9) The NOTORIOUS V.A.G (Another funny one)
    10) Cunt (Ps. I love this word)


    There were just soooo many I could go one but I’m sure you all know so many of them...

    Monday, March 28, 2005

    Weekends

    I like to view my weekends as a time for loads of sex... So my goals are always to have as much sex as possible. Now being a woman - this could be a very, very easy feat, yet I don't have one night stands and all the jazz, so I rely on the friends with benefits:

    1) Morgan
    2) BFWB (Best Friend with Benefits)

    So Friday night I went out with Morgan and some others, we had a great time, I went back to Morgan's and totally assed-out (fell asleep) on him. I felt bad but I was just so drunk and tired - I hate it when alcohol hits you like that. Anyway I've recently told Morgan (in my drunken state) that if I'm sleeping and he's horny... please go ahead and take full advantage. So Saturday morning I woke up to him fingering me and about to enter with that great cock of his. MMMmmm what a great feeling to wake up to!! He fucked me for a while, it was slow and smooth and I was groggy and had a wicked hangover hitting me hard but that made it even the more better.

    Sat night Morgan didn’t feel well, ok understandable but there I was home alone (the roommates were out for the night) and completely fuckable with no-one there to take care of my needs... it's just so frustrating! Well I just had to take care of it myself...

    Sunday night again Morgan still somewhat sick went off to bed early, therefore I call the BFWB, he calls me back about two hours later and wants me to meet him at his job... sex at the point just wasn’t worth getting out of bed, getting dressed, and driving over to his job, I went to bed.

    So my weekend had just one sexual encounter - what the hell is that about? I'm in my 20's I should be having all sorts of great sex...grrrrr

    Well tomorrow night I go visit someone special, an older dominating man who just takes me as he pleases... I should have a great story on Wednesday!

    xoxo ~ Naughty Girl

    Friday, March 25, 2005

    In the Jeep

    Last night I had sex in the car, actually it was a Jeep Cherokee. Sex in cars is always fun, it's been a while since I've done that. It's not like I have to sneak around parents anymore... but the guy I was with - we'll call him Morgan (after his favorite liquor - Cap't Morgan) had never done it. Imagine that, being in your late 20's and have never had sex in car! Ok so he moved out of his parents house at a young age and always had his own place, I can see given that there's no need for sex in the car but hey - it's fun, why not try it!

    So last night I granted him his wish. Sex in the back of his Jeep wasn't bad he had the seats down so there was plenty of room... we'll for me there was - I'm only 5 feet.

    First he went down on me, then I on him but neither lasted too long he wanted to get right to fucking me... it was somewhat quick and rushed, he was fumbly and he kept looking out the back window for cops. It was like we were teenagers again... but still the sex just wasn't that great. I've been fucking Morgan for a while now so I know his potential, we are very good friends and I'm at his house practically every night - so why such bad Jeep sex? I'm puzzled by this and it's been bothering me, maybe it was just an off night or maybe he was just way nervous about cops... hmmm...

    Thursday, March 24, 2005

    On the Mind

    I don't recall the statistics, and I could prolly easily look them up but I'm just in no mood for that - but it's said the men have sex on the mind for ____% of the day. Well I do as well, I'm not sure why or what it is... but I think about it all the time.
    For instance...
    Wherever I may be I'm usually people watching, mostly man watching... First I look for "the ring" I'm not sure why I do that, maybe it comes along with territory of being twenty-something and my body feels it's biological clock ticking... anyway I digress.
    So the ring makes me think about some wild crazy affair we could have. If no ring, then I just think of the great sex, or I wonder what would be his favorite position, or how big, wide, small etc... his cock is. I wonder how he likes to suck on nipples; is he rough, soft - a little of both? A million questions go through my mind.
    Men of authority: If I see a good looking man in uniform the very first notion that pops into my head - I'm on my knees in front of him sucking his cock like it's my job (oh wait - it IS my job!).

    I mean - I'm sitting here at my desk in my office each day that I post, therefore sex - still on my mind!

    Wednesday, March 23, 2005

    Me, Myself & I

    I've been told many times I have a Marilyn Monroe/Betty Boop sexiness to me with a hint of innocence.



    I have a face that really hasn't changed much since I was young; I have pinch-able cheeks, big hazel eyes, and heart-shaped lips, not too full, not too thin. Everyone in the world tells me I have a gorgeous face....
    I'm short, 5 feet to be exact, I'm voluptuous (aka chubby...lol), but I'm solid, nothing "jiggles" (yuck). I love my body and am very comfortable with it, I could improve it and that’s why I drag myself to the gym... I have great tits, I love my girls. I would post of picture of myself but if you noticed my blog is titled "The Unknown Naughty Girl" hence... the "unknown" part forbids me to post it...oh well...

    Friday, March 18, 2005

    Little Girl, Little Girl

    Masturbation; mas·tur·ba·tion
    Pronunciation: "mas-t&r-'bA-sh&n
    Function: noun: erotic stimulation especially of one's own genital organs commonly resulting in orgasm and achieved by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental manipulation, occasionally by sexual fantasies.

    I started masturbating when I was very, very young; the earliest I could remember is maybe three years old. I had this stuffed animal that I would put under me, then I would rub my body into it, I didn't use my hands I would just grind my pelvis, and it felt so very good. At some point during this I would hold my breath and keep grinding till this amazing feeling took over my body... hence my first orgasm. I would do this almost every night, yet I knew I couldn't tell anyone for some reason I just knew not to ever let my parents catch me doing this. It's not like my mom told me not to touch myself or anything, she never said that... but I just knew to be careful.

    As I got older I would start imagining stories and plots...
    There was a man who would come into my bedroom, he would touch me, I didn't like it but I had to let him do it because I was scared of him... or the one I mostly thought of...I would be in a room on a table with men around me watching me masturbate, sometimes the men were right there in the room, sometimes they were behind a glass wall and if that was the case there was a man right there in the room with me -either standing over me or sitting in a chair. He wouldn't touch me but he would tell me "Do not stop". I always thought about men watching me and making me perform for them. I have absolutely no idea where I would have even gotten something like this I must have been about 5ish when I started having these fantasies... What five year old thinks about being in a room surrounded by men and masturbating for their pleasure?!

    I loved to watch shows with helpless women who got tied up... I even started playing games with my siblings where someone was the "bad guy" others would be his crew, a few good guys and then the "victim" who was tied up, which would mostly be played by me.

    In my late teens when I started dating and really "fooling around" with guys I would never masturbate in front of them. To date I really don't do it, I'm very uncomfortable masturbating in front of a man. My last boyfriend would take my hand guide it to my pussy and instruct me to do it, at first he wouldn't watch he would just lay next to me but later on he would start to watch. I still hated doing it, but I would do it for him because he enjoyed it... just like in my 5 yr. old fantasies.

    Thursday, March 17, 2005

    Let the Drinking Begin

    Happpy St. Patricks Day!
    I really love NYC on St. Patricks Day, so many people wearing green, happy, celebrating and especially drunk.

    Wednesday, March 16, 2005

    Stranger at the Gas Station

    A short update:
    1) Broke up with the boyfriend, I wasn't so happy with him and no point in staying in an unhappy relationship!
    2) I'm going away upstate this weekend with my sis and cousins and their boyfriends, hmmm now I'm thinking I should have kept the boyfriend around for this last weekend so I can have some good cabin sex... looks like I'll be packing some batteries*
    3) I'm no longer mad at my friend... We made up (wink wink)

    Last night I'm on my way to a friend’s house, I stopped to get a bag of ice. This man prolly around early 40's in a suit (very handsome yet is wearing a wedding band) comes up to me, and asks if I'm having a party. I looked at him like he had three heads and said no, he then pointed to the ice... I laughed and said no party tonight. Now for your info there is a very, very nice hotel across the street, he then asked me if I would like to join him at the bar there for a drink, I politely said no thank you. He then proceeded to try to convince me...
    "Are you sure? You are really very cute; we'll have a good time."
    Once again I said no thanks... I walked over to the counter to pay as he followed me replying:
    "I have a beautiful room; we could have some fun, take a chance..."
    I smiled and told him to have a good night.
    Wow, well I definitely took that as a compliment and all, part of me even wanted to take him up, but I just couldn't do it. I've never done something like that and still couldn't.
    As much as I love sex I can't have a one night stand with a stranger, I've never ever done that, it scares me, but also intrigues me.

    Monday, March 14, 2005

    Sex and Serentity?!

    Last night, I went to the bar, met up with some friends I haven't seen in a little bit of a while, I had about 5 beers within an hour... The bar closed early; I was mad at a friend of mine who had some kind-of plan to do something kind-of stupid. In my buzzed and somewhat almost drunken state I attempted to stop him - note that I said "attempted". Well in the middle of my attempt, it occurred to me that my BWFB (Best friend with benefits) might be around... so I put in a call - he was free in about 30 minutes. Great I thought to myself, while at the same time I was in a rage of madness due to the other friend and continued with my plot to stop him. Throughout the next 30 minutes, things got a little crazy... and somewhere along the lines, my whole plan fell apart and I was unsuccessful – very unsuccessful.
    I drive over to meet up with the BFWB, him knowing me as long as he does (about 10 years now) inevitably knew something was wrong... damn he's good~!
    Now, lets keep in mind I've been drinking... so given the fact that I'm horny prolly about 90% of the time, the drinking just pushes the needle past 100. Within in 2 minutes, I'm kissing him, and within another 5 minutes I'm on my knees sucking his delicious cock.
    An hour later... I'm finishing up a great, great blowjob and then I'm calm. I haven't altogether forgotten about the other friend I was angry at... it's just that I didn't really care anymore... I went home and fell asleep not a minute after I climbed into my bed.
    Did I just replace anger and rage with the fulfillment and satisfaction of a sexual need/desire??
    As I’m writing this entry, I’ve just come home from a shitty day at work, and I’m thinking would a blowjob and sex make it all better? Or does it make it all better for the moment, because when it comes down to it… I’m still mad at my friend.

    Tuesday, March 08, 2005

    Intermission

    No, I haven't forgotten about my blog... just taking a short break...

    The Naughty Girl will back very soon!

    Thursday, March 03, 2005

    Blowjobs & Lollypops

    My first blow job...
    I was 14 one of my friends was older (17) and just got a new car, he picked me up and we drove around. He wasn't a very close friend or anything, I met him originally through another good friend we both had. To make what could be a long story short, he kissed me - I pulled away, he got angry and in the end he forced me to suck his dick. I clearly remember I was on my back; he was sitting on top of me his knees on my arms holding me down. I'm a fighter I had refused to open my mouth... put he simply held my nose long enough that I had no choice but to loosen my lips. He pushed his dick into my mouth; I knew what to do, sort of... He kept saying "Now be a good girl and suck my cock". I started sucking... but I was scared and nervous and definitely did not want to be doing that. He had threatened me as well about biting, but I thought to myself if I bit hard enough he would be in too much pain to grab me quick enough... So I did it, I bit down so fucking hard, I still have never heard a man scream like he did, and then I got myself up and ran... ran sooo fast home. I never spoke to him after that...
    My next blowjob was about a year later, with a close friend of mine he ended up being my "BFWB" (Best friend with benefits) for about 10 years. I've always had an oral fixation, I sucked my thumb till I was 13, and throughout my days I always had something in my mouth, pens, straws and especially lollipops. To this day I have a bag of blow-pops in my glove compartment, and I always have a few with me.
    I entirely love to give a man a blow job, I find it so submissive and powerful all at the same time. Being on my knees in front of a man, with my mouth open ready to take his cock is such a turn on; I am much more of a giver than receiver sexually speaking.
    When I think of that first blow job it somewhat excites me, I know that's somewhat weird - but it does... What can I say?!

    Tuesday, March 01, 2005

    The Internet

    I first got AOL when I was about 14ish... What a bad place to be when your parents have no idea what goes on. I got a computer just a few months before and my mom had absolutely no interest and my dad - just kinda clueless with it...

    I would go online and be amazed by how many people I can so easily chat with, first I started out in those teen chat rooms, but sooner than later I moved on to the adult rooms, many times I would just sit back and watch but the IM's came pouring in. Mostly men would IM me and when I told them I was 14, 95% of the time they wouldn't care. They would talk to me about sex, boys, and almost anything dirty you can think of ie - a man told me to let my dog lick my pussy, and so on... At 14 I was still very much a virgin, I prolly just kissed a boy or two and never really saw a penis (till some man e-mailed me a pic of his). But I was smart, smart beyond my years (as I still am) and had many opportunities to meet up with these men, but knew not to, besides I just liked the online flirting and teasing.

    Through the years, I practically grew up online, I would stay up into the hours of the night chatting and reading online. Don't take this the wrong way, I certainly did not lock myself up and remain only on the comp. I led a very normal teenage life, very popular in high school, went out every weekend with friends, started drinking at 16 and surprisingly stayed a virgin till 18. But anytime I was home alone I was online talking to men....

    I discovered new worlds online, the lifestyle of D/s which completely intrigued me. Fetishes, fetishes of kinds I now find normal and maybe because I was so exposed to this on the internet. Rape, an act so cruel and horrible, I even found to be somewhat fascinating....

    I had "regulars" that I would talk to online. Each one of them I knew their turn-ons, I also kept notes on what I told them. I would sometimes make up stories about who I was, as I got older I learned that men love a young innocent girl, and if she's somehow tainted it may be even better. Depending on what has happened to her. To this day there are a select few I still talk to.

    Naughty Girl

    I'm 25 going on 26... I love sex; I love bad, naughty, fetish-like dirty sex. Only 3 people in my life really know this and of those 3, just one truly knows.

    On the outside, I'm this sweet, successful, family orientated, girl with a new boyfriend. On the inside I crave sex, I love the sport of it, I love the naughtiness of kissing a married man, the sneakiness of running around with an ex lover.

    More to come...