The New Man
I have no idea where to start this or how to start this and that's why I've put this off.
My new guy.
I've come to the decision that I need to have an open-minded loving man who is interested in the same things as I (sexually speaking here folks) in order for me to be satisfied. I cannot be in a marriage with a completely (ugh I hate this term) vanilla husband. I don't think I'd be happy, I don't think I'd stay faithful. I've been in vanilla relationships, but yearned for more. And so one night while on the computer checking my emails one of these lovely dating sites I saw a picture of a very good-looking man. His pictures were adorable, what he had written about himself - even better, and there in the essay he mentions that he's sexually unconventional and two letters written afterwards "D/s". I couldn't help myself, I rarely contact guys, but he was online at the time and I couldn't resist iming him.
Two months and four dates later...
He's wined me and dined me well. I'm not used to this type of man, well-to-do, smart, down to earth (and yes he's older than I). He intimidates me a bit, I find myself somewhat quieter around him. But I like him; I like our chemistry so far. He's good for me and I think I'm good for him. But there are things about him - I think I'm a little too much of a smart-ass girl for him, and my sarcasm... but that's just me! He reads me well, a little too well; I hate it (ok so I secretly like it a bit)... go figure! He's an alpha male by nature, and resonates just that. I think this is where those smart ass comments conflict with his natural dominance.
Now when it comes to the unconventional sex side... He's put new ideas in my head, new things to do and try. Things that would just blow you all away. Things that blew me away... I have a hard time admitting that I want to try these things (but I do want to), and that I might actually enjoy all of this. When it comes to D/s, he's not looking for the standard D/s roles, he's more interested in the mental aspect of it. (Perfect!)
All of this adds a new dimension to the courting stage we're in- I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm more open with him, more open than I've ever been with anyone who I've been dating for just so long, therefore I don't know how far to go with things, and where to slow down with things.
This is tricky to me, and I have no one to go to for advice... Can't tell my best friend, Misery... Umm things are going well, and we already have fantasies mapped out we'd like to try but we're still getting to know each other...
Do I hold off somewhat, pull back on the relationship? I'm thinking I need to be more of a go-getter right now. I'm feeling as though I've been playing the naughty but yet inhibited girl. Actually I have done just that as he said to me the other night, "Joey you are the most free inhibited person I know". Maybe it's time to raise the stakes, start seeing him more often and do other things rather than going out to dinner. I need to get to know more of him, interact with him... I feel as though I can fall for him. I think this relationship could be amazing but I just have to stop being shy with him, I need to show him more of me, more of Joey.
My new guy.
I've come to the decision that I need to have an open-minded loving man who is interested in the same things as I (sexually speaking here folks) in order for me to be satisfied. I cannot be in a marriage with a completely (ugh I hate this term) vanilla husband. I don't think I'd be happy, I don't think I'd stay faithful. I've been in vanilla relationships, but yearned for more. And so one night while on the computer checking my emails one of these lovely dating sites I saw a picture of a very good-looking man. His pictures were adorable, what he had written about himself - even better, and there in the essay he mentions that he's sexually unconventional and two letters written afterwards "D/s". I couldn't help myself, I rarely contact guys, but he was online at the time and I couldn't resist iming him.
Two months and four dates later...
He's wined me and dined me well. I'm not used to this type of man, well-to-do, smart, down to earth (and yes he's older than I). He intimidates me a bit, I find myself somewhat quieter around him. But I like him; I like our chemistry so far. He's good for me and I think I'm good for him. But there are things about him - I think I'm a little too much of a smart-ass girl for him, and my sarcasm... but that's just me! He reads me well, a little too well; I hate it (ok so I secretly like it a bit)... go figure! He's an alpha male by nature, and resonates just that. I think this is where those smart ass comments conflict with his natural dominance.
Now when it comes to the unconventional sex side... He's put new ideas in my head, new things to do and try. Things that would just blow you all away. Things that blew me away... I have a hard time admitting that I want to try these things (but I do want to), and that I might actually enjoy all of this. When it comes to D/s, he's not looking for the standard D/s roles, he's more interested in the mental aspect of it. (Perfect!)
All of this adds a new dimension to the courting stage we're in- I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm more open with him, more open than I've ever been with anyone who I've been dating for just so long, therefore I don't know how far to go with things, and where to slow down with things.
This is tricky to me, and I have no one to go to for advice... Can't tell my best friend, Misery... Umm things are going well, and we already have fantasies mapped out we'd like to try but we're still getting to know each other...
Do I hold off somewhat, pull back on the relationship? I'm thinking I need to be more of a go-getter right now. I'm feeling as though I've been playing the naughty but yet inhibited girl. Actually I have done just that as he said to me the other night, "Joey you are the most free inhibited person I know". Maybe it's time to raise the stakes, start seeing him more often and do other things rather than going out to dinner. I need to get to know more of him, interact with him... I feel as though I can fall for him. I think this relationship could be amazing but I just have to stop being shy with him, I need to show him more of me, more of Joey.
posted by Joey at 4:29 PM
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8 Comments:
Great to see you're back on the horse. Don't be afraid to RIDE !!!!
Haha. Glad to see you started the new years with new hopes.
Missed you,
Os
Wow ! Joey, that all sounds wonderful. Clearly this man and you have the right chemistry, the right connection. Wonderful. I can imagine your shyness, your hesitation, but, hey, there is only one way to find out ... I’d say, go step by step and keep checking your feelings, don’t leave your comfort zone but stretch its boundaries a little ... Don’t just fall yet, but discover more ... Also, maybe playing a little hard to get could be fun for him as well ... (but you knew that of course !). If you feel like it, share more by e-mail (sexty9ways@ropes.com). Hugs - A
Joey, this does indeed sound wonderful. I wouldn't rush these early getting to know each other stages, they are vital and most especially so for a D/s relationship.
I know well the 'kind' of man you refer to. I also understand the quietness around him you speak of. When I sink into submission, I naturally become quieter, softer. My voice changes, becoming higher and gentler.
You need to become familiar with these aspects of yourself as well as learn all about him. This is new ground and it could be quite beautiful for you.
My best advice is to communicate and be honest. Be honest with him and be truthful with yourself. Don't say or do or be anything because you think it's what he wants or you believe it's how you should be. D/s is funndamentally rooted in honesty and can only work well from this base.
There are lots of friends online who will be more than willing to offer advice or to simply listen. You know where I am for a start.
Regarding your thoughts on my site. Yes, I do think you can meet and marry your erotic soulmate, but I don't think it will necessarily be an easy relationship. Because no long term relationship is, they all require work but if you start from a good place, I think you have a good chance.
Much love,
Lena X
I say Go for it!! I thinkyou'll be so much happier, and better off, with a man near you, who is interested in You for you...all of you!!
Good Luck!
very nice...
i say go for it. i KNOW exactly what you are talking about and what you are looking for.
i am dom myself, but into domming through pleasure. intense pleasure...as well as mental.
anyways. you should check out my blog, i will more then likely start reading your's and link it up as well.
take care and hope to talk to you soon
I'd say go for it, but know your limits.
Hold back only when you need to maintain control. Have fun.
Hi Joey,
I'm going to be totally contrarian here and ask why he's waiting for your permission to initiate then next step. I can't believe I'm asking that by the way. On the other hand I think it's a good sign if he's reading you and respecting your limits.
I could be totally misreading you (I feel like I've been misreading all day) but it sounds like you've hinted around D/s issues but not really progressed into any kind of activity.
You might be able to break the ice by suggesting that if your sarcasm bothers him he's got a certain amount of authority to express his impatience.
I hope that helps. As Magdelena points out, finding a good match for a long-term D/s relationship requires a lot of luck and even more work. I can't help with the work, Joey, but I wish you all the luck in the world.
Take care,
figleaf
Wow... such a similar story.... holidayconfessions.blogspot.com I'm not spamming, seriously... check it out.
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