Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Perfect Place... ruined.

I felt so content, despite that my body was getting tired, my wrists hurt badly and so on...We were at his job - it was fun, naughty and whispering which made everything that more erotic.

As I sucked his cock I knew I was where I belonged; happily sucking, kissing, licking and adoring his cock. When his hands lay gently on the back of my head, I'd just come to realize how much I loved this.

He was close to cumming but didn't want to yet so he slid his cock out of my mouth. I could barely keep myself away, I went back to kissing and softly licking his shaft. I couldn't figure out why I loved this nor why it felt so good I just knew it was right. Was it him? Well not exactly; while the BFWB and I have great chemistry, I know I'm just as content sucking TYD's cock maybe even more so being that he knows exactly what I need. But it's so right with him, I've said it times before in my blog, the strong animal attraction, knowing each other so well, etc...

While I was truly enjoying how good all this felt he says, "Want to watch me do this". I didn't quite get it - is he bi, does he want to experiment - in front of me!?
I look up at him - "Huh, I don't understand". He nudges my head back to his cock, I continue sucking... "Wouldn't you want to watch me? Wouldn't you want to do what I do to you".

I couldn't help but think, no, no, NO and how?? I started licking his cock to avoid eye contact, I said I don't understand how this all works... he goes on to say
strap on. Then asks me if I'd want to pull his hair, hold his head down on it. Stand above him as he's on his knees sucking my pseudo cock...
And that's when he ruined it. Why couldn't he be content doing what we always have been doing?! I wouldn't mind if he wanted to take things further, but not in this direction, not in the complete opposite direction of who I am and what I love. We have the most perfect friends-with-benefits-relationship, and now this.
I take on the Dominant role with Morgan (here and there); I hate it - it's acting, it's fake, and it's not me. But I do it because of how much he loves it, and how much I care for him.
But not another one.. it's all I continued to say to myself - not another one, not you too....

I told him in order for us to get to that kind of level, I need more than this. I'm not speaking relationship-wise (g-d, no, I don't want to date him). But we need to see each other more often, we need to see each other in a normal place (hmmm.. a bedroom?!)....and so on... I know our schedules would never be able to coordinate that well, therefore leaving all this to never happen. I would never want him to feel bad about opening up to me like he did. I just couldn't bear to tell him how much I DON'T want to do that, how I'm disappointed that he's brought it to the table, how he could possibly ruin my perfect place.


Blogger Aragorn said...

So understandable ... Even for Orchid and me, while living together, there is room only for the more 'unusual' sexual activities if there is 'enough' of the 'love making' ... A delicate balance. And yet, bringing in some toys and playing can be very exciting ... Thanks for sharing

10/13/2006 8:25 AM  
Blogger Oswald Croll said...

Yikes! I've necver lost a hardon faster. J/k... well, kind of. I would think that you taking control would deprive you of the one things that seems to turn you on the most.... being dominated.

Having said that... I ask myself why I havent moved to NYC yet....


10/17/2006 12:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11/06/2006 6:25 PM  

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