Our Reunion

I should be excited; I'm finally going to see him.
I'm partially excited; I'm also feeling reluctant, and solemn.
I find it awkward going there, I'm filled with a million different emotions, I've expressed this to Morgan and he agrees that it is awkward.

Part of me doesn't want to go, part of me wants to never see him again, forget about him, that would be the easy way out of this and I can't do that.

I don't know how to go there.
Do I go there as the best friend?
Do I go there as the wanton goddess?
Do I go there as the slut?
Do I go there as sweet Joey the girlfriend that never happened?
Do I go there as the submissive girl, who learned to trust him with every ounce of trust possible?
Do I go there as the dominatrix who will hurt and punish him for every bit of hurt he caused me?

Those are all me - So I can't pick and choose which part I shall play. Besides, I don't think I'm strong enough to go there as just one. I have to go with all of these personas encompassing me.

So, I'll tour his new home and grounds as his best friend.
I'll eat dinner, chat, and kiss him as sweet Joey.
I'll wear his favorite black sexy boots and the corset he never saw as the wanton sex goddess.
I'll suck his cock as his slut.
I'll lie on his bed tied and blindfolded with all the trust in the world a submissive should have. And I'll tie him, torture him, and spank him as his dominatrix.
And through all of that will my feelings of love for him just grow stronger, will this only hurt me ?????

And what's my mission in all of this?
To have him realize everything he has missed by leaving me?
To win him over and have him drooling and wanting more?
To make him forget about Ms. Thang and realize I'm the one?
Or is it my goodbye, my last time I see him, enjoy our time together, maybe I'll finally come to accept that this might be over.
Or is this the time I tell him I love him - probably not - I don't think he deserves to know.

Maybe I'm hurting myself even more by doing this- going there. Although, I'll never know if I don't go - right? What is there to know at this point?
UGh.... I'm babbling here..
My thoughts are so scattered (as you can see) I can't seem to collect them and figure out what to do with all of them.

I feel as if I need a game plan - what I'm doing, why I'm doing and how I'm doing all of this......

I'll be leaving Saturday.