Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Our Reunion

I should be excited; I'm finally going to see him.
I'm partially excited; I'm also feeling reluctant, and solemn.
I find it awkward going there, I'm filled with a million different emotions, I've expressed this to Morgan and he agrees that it is awkward.

Part of me doesn't want to go, part of me wants to never see him again, forget about him, that would be the easy way out of this and I can't do that.

I don't know how to go there.
Do I go there as the best friend?
Do I go there as the wanton goddess?
Do I go there as the slut?
Do I go there as sweet Joey the girlfriend that never happened?
Do I go there as the submissive girl, who learned to trust him with every ounce of trust possible?
Do I go there as the dominatrix who will hurt and punish him for every bit of hurt he caused me?

Those are all me - So I can't pick and choose which part I shall play. Besides, I don't think I'm strong enough to go there as just one. I have to go with all of these personas encompassing me.

So, I'll tour his new home and grounds as his best friend.
I'll eat dinner, chat, and kiss him as sweet Joey.
I'll wear his favorite black sexy boots and the corset he never saw as the wanton sex goddess.
I'll suck his cock as his slut.
I'll lie on his bed tied and blindfolded with all the trust in the world a submissive should have. And I'll tie him, torture him, and spank him as his dominatrix.
And through all of that will my feelings of love for him just grow stronger, will this only hurt me ?????

And what's my mission in all of this?
To have him realize everything he has missed by leaving me?
To win him over and have him drooling and wanting more?
To make him forget about Ms. Thang and realize I'm the one?
Or is it my goodbye, my last time I see him, enjoy our time together, maybe I'll finally come to accept that this might be over.
Or is this the time I tell him I love him - probably not - I don't think he deserves to know.

Maybe I'm hurting myself even more by doing this- going there. Although, I'll never know if I don't go - right? What is there to know at this point?
UGh.... I'm babbling here..
My thoughts are so scattered (as you can see) I can't seem to collect them and figure out what to do with all of them.

I feel as if I need a game plan - what I'm doing, why I'm doing and how I'm doing all of this......

I'll be leaving Saturday.

13 Comments:

Blogger kelly said...

I have no advice.
Good luck.

Me

11/30/2005 6:59 PM  
Blogger chelsea girl said...

no plan

just be

you be zen, baby

exhale and let the breath find you

12/01/2005 12:04 AM  
Blogger Oswald Croll said...

Reality hardly ever meets expectations. Go with no plan, but be prepared to jump into whatever role you and he feel confortable with at that moment. Just try not to get your hopes up mile high. Just got to have a good time and see an old friend. If more comes of it, great. If not, then that's OK too.

12/01/2005 10:36 AM  
Blogger SJR said...

Good luck with the uh, meeting!

I'm just wondering when are you gonna do HNT? lol...

12/01/2005 11:48 AM  
Blogger Joey said...

Chelsea, those might be the most helpful words you've ever told me... They haven't left my head since I read them yesterday - Thank you.

Os, Your advice was very much like Chelsea's! Thank you as well.

You've both brought me some peace of mind. And as I drive there and get closer to my destination I will take out the comments section (which I've printed) and re-read both of yours till I'm calm again.

SJR - I'll think about it.

12/02/2005 10:21 AM  
Blogger Sasha White said...

Have fun!


And hey what am I missing with this HNT? I'm lost?

12/04/2005 5:16 PM  
Blogger Aragorn said...

Ah, great writing ... Read several of your posts, just great. Glad I found you, and, finally, linked you ... so, keep up the good work coz I will keep visiting ... Lovely.
Hugs - A

12/05/2005 4:45 PM  
Blogger Vivi Anna said...

My advice...although you don't know me from the next bitch over..

Fuck em! Literally. Get him out of your system and move on. No one is worth making yourself miserable over. NO ONE! And if he was the one, then he'd BE THE ONE.

12/07/2005 5:02 PM  
Blogger birdie said...

btw, i'm so glad you're back! you probably never went away, but my work blocks your old site (DAMN THEM) and it will probably block again once i navigate away-- so i'll have to live for the days when i can sneak over and plug my laptop in at the coffee shot next door.

oh, and fuck him. fuck all those bastards that fuck with our heads.

and sasha- as far as i know, HNT stands for half nekkid thursdays. :)

12/08/2005 8:08 PM  
Blogger Joey said...

Sasha - Thanks, I certainly did!

Aragorn - Wow, what a pleasure it is to have you here - thanks you for the compliments. I'll be sure to link you!!

Vivi Anna - I might not know you from the next bitch over - but us bitches have to stick together! Thanks for your input, and ps - I did fuck him - literally!!

Birdie - Damn woman!! There you are, I've missed you!! Get your ass to the coffee shop more often!

12/09/2005 12:39 AM  
Blogger Aragorn said...

Thanks for the link Joey !! As promised, am visiting regularly, hope you are well after the Reunion. Hugs - A

12/09/2005 5:25 AM  
Blogger Mermaid Girl said...

Joey!

You can't leave us hanging like that!!!

Hope all went well pet :)

Love
MG

12/15/2005 5:58 AM  
Blogger Vivi Anna said...

Yeah, I'm anxious to hear too!!!!

12/18/2005 12:02 AM  

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