Friday, May 23, 2008

A vicious circle?

I can't sleep and the urge to write is just so strong. It's 3am, I need to get to sleep, yet I'm not about to let myself open my laptop, I know I'd be up writing for another hour. Instead I'm underneath my blanket typing this out on my blackberry....

I'm stuck with men, what the hell am I doing?!
Am I confused? Or is it that once I find "the one" I'll stop falling backwards in the arms of past lovers?

Morgan...I truly thought I was over him, was I simply fooling myself? He doesn't even fit into my life - what is wrong with me?!!?! Yet, I so badly miss his arms around me at night, it's been such a long time I don't remember what his kisses feel like. I miss our nights hanging out in bed, talking and watching the Simpsons or nights he'd find some silly reason to put in a porno.
He still lives far away, yet we've stayed close. We had a falling out, got back together - that happened about 2 or 3 times, in the past 2 years.
He's currently seeing someone, they're not serious. Guess what?! I just saw her too- damn these myspace/facebook kinda websites, well at least I now know I'm prettier...
Anyhow we're seeing each other in about a week. I wonder what it'll be like, will I feel the same or will I see there's nothing for us left in this long drawn out messy thing that I barely can call a relationship.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love reading your blog when you write. i love your honesty that so many people keep hidden inside themselves

5/27/2008 1:33 PM  
Blogger Joey said...

Anon, thanks so much!

5/27/2008 11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just started reading the your blog the past 3 days, from start to finish.. im from the philippines and even though we're continents apart, i really feel for you. but i'm somewhat fascinated of the experiences that you'd had the past 3 years?.. i envy you in some way. no doubt this things (including the bad ones) had made you YOU... keep it up.. and by the way, i think you're hot.. love and light!

6/02/2008 6:25 PM  
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6/30/2008 4:52 AM  

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