Monday, March 19, 2007

Nothing Like the Real Thing Baby

I've seen Morgan quite a few times in the last few months in which I haven't written. (For tonight I'm going to put the relationship mess to the side.)

When I'm tied up or laid out on his bed... A ball gag might be in between my lips, possibly a blindfold over my eyes... I just want to giggle, often I do giggle. Then I hear his voice, stern - asking me what I find so funny, he'll possibly slap my face. But until he slaps it just hard enough I giggle away. Matter of fact, after he slaps me I still have to make a conscience effort to be serious, quiet and respectful.

When I'm bent over, calling him Sir, I have a smirk on my face. And the worst, when I'm on my knees and he's standing in front of me, my hands are behind my back, my head is lowered. I'm in the one position in which I always feel subservient, submissive, and naturally comfortable. He asks me if I'm going to be a good girl for him, he asks me if I like my collar, he tells me I'm his whore... and during all of this - I'm rolling my eyes and saying "Yes Sir" as best I could with out each of my replies sounding bored, fake - monotone.
(There are times when I've giggled with others, but in those cases - it was that nervous type of giggle, and when I was told to keep quiet, or smacked I knew they meant business)

It's not real with Morgan. It never is real, it never was real. I don't think it will ever be real. I know he's faking it, playing a part. I know because I taught him about D/s. It's one thing - if I "introduced" him to it - but I did that and more.
I know he enjoys it, it's like I've created a monster... it's all he wants to do.

Problem is, I'm turned off by it. He doesn't get it; he doesn't feel the deepness to it. He doesn't realize how natural it is to me... How we're supposed to feed off of each other. But, I don't feel it from him. - To him it's a game, playtime, a sort of extracurricular activity - a hobby.
The more it's become this to him, the less I enjoy it.

And then there's the whole bit in which he enjoys me being the Dom - HAhahhahaha!
We all are well aware, that I completely fake it. That's when I realize how great my acting ability is, and that maybe I should have been an actress.

Next, the relationship mess....


Anonymous cfmartin76 said...

Now I remember why I started to read your blog!

You have to explain the relationship mess soon!

3/27/2007 9:58 AM  
Anonymous bookie said...

Just came across this blog yesterday via Dlisted and I haven't been able to stop reading! Love it!

3/29/2007 12:37 PM  
Blogger PhillySexGod said...

wow ... and I remember you actually being serious with him ... oh how things change ...


3/29/2007 11:47 PM  
Blogger Joey said...

Cfmartin - Thanks for being such a commited fan

Bookie - I'm so glad you've found my blog! Thanks for reading! I love new readers.

Philly - Oh my dear Philly... Good to see you!! Things are changing..

4/02/2007 11:20 PM  
Blogger Recess Monkey said...

I haven't been reading because you haven't been posting...

Then today I was thinking about what's been going on with you.

It's funny how you can remember a phone number when you want to, or a homepage address, for that matter.

What's up? It's April now!


4/07/2007 9:34 PM  

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