Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Sandy, oh Sandy

I went to Morgan’s the other night. He told me that he passed on an available place - the place was far, far from me, but it's in a location he loves.

When he last spoke to me on the phone, he told me it was getting harder and harder to leave (the location that's far, far from me) at the time I was out shopping and didn't want to hear it - he went on and on about it. I kept telling I don't want to talk about this right now, ( I wasn't in the mood to have it all on my mind and to be sad about it) then I finally said to him - I just want you to make a fair decision.

He told me that after we hung up, that really stuck in his head and the next day he called and told the realtor that he wasn't interested any longer.
I was ecstatic to hear about his decision! But I was still upset with how he's all over the place with me - (hence my previous post). Well I told him everything about how I feel; I pretty much re-iterated my last post to him.

He then explained that he calls me cause he's so in the moment of how's he is feeling and just wants to tell me. He went on to say, now that I told him how I feel he realized that what he says to me really isn't too gentle. I explained that I still want him to call me at those times and let me know what’s going on - but to realize how he says it to me - he agreed.
He then threw Sandy down on the bed and kissed her silly.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Danny Zuko

To be honest - nothing really new over here. Last week Morgan and I has some sweet lovin' - but I'm angry/upset with him, so it's sort of too painful to post right now.
I'm unsure of what I should do with Morgan...
I'm not even sure if there is anything that can be done besides taking it day-by-day, by-day-by-day.

Only a few weeks ago Morgan and I decided to be "exclusive" - (yay for us!). We have no title - no "boyfriend", no "girlfriend", no "couple", no "dating" no "we" to other people. But we are exclusive - meaning no others.
There are some reasons for the no title bit - which is much too much to go into - but we are both very happy and excited with our decision!

Morgan will be making some important decisions in the coming months. These decisions are about and for him - but they can and will most likely affect me as well.

Morgan has been reminding me of Danny Zuko lately - yes the Danny Zuko character from the movie/musical Grease.

When we are together, Morgan will talk to be about these decisions - there's actually one big gynormous decision that I'm going to focus on. - He needs to move, move out of the wretched place he currently lives in.
He'll tell me his options, his feelings, and how he's altogether quite stressed about it. All-in-all everything we talk about - everything he tells me makes sense and is somewhat fair - the good and the bad (the bad being what I don't want to hear - either way it's realistic).
BUT - When we are on the phone having a quick chat (we don't have long conversations) he'll say something really stupid and un-thoughtful about the Big Decision and I'll get upset, I wont' show it to him. When the phone hangs up, I'll be sad.
Now, we've all learned that boys do this - they say and act stupidly when hanging out with the T-birds (Grease reference again for the international readers). But it bothers me so, because he's not showing off in front of his friends, he's not with them - so what the hell is he doing - showing off in front of himself. Or just so damn excited, and acting on instinct that he calls to tell me whatever and doesn’t think about how I’ll take it??!!!! Or is he testing me to see my reaction - which as written above - I somewhat hide from him. But at the same time he doesn't need to test me for my reaction - he knows damn well how I feel about it all - What the FUCK is his deal?!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Once upon a time...Not so long ago

I had a new post up yesterday and then I deleted it - something I've never done. Someone I knew, Nameless, had read it and them im'd me with the following:

Being a submissive is not being a doormat
You have become nothing more than a common receptacle.
Unfortunate, I always assumed you more.
This is merely being someone’s receptacle... Not ever would a true Dom do this to his own.
You are nothing more than boy's meat puppet.
I feel badly for what I thought you were... which is now lost.
You have become unworthy Joey, you allow a boy to spit on you.. in you...
Feeling no pride about yourself
Allowing yourself to be used
That is not Submission.

I felt horrible. Nameless was right. I immediately deleted my post not wanting my readers to lose all respect for me. I begged him to further talk to me, so that I can show him I had not changed and it was still me - the Joey he knows and remembers. I told him he was correct and what I had done was disgusting and sick.
I then spoke to someone else who had said:

Friend: Did you know that there are some Doms that would think that spanking your tits would be way over the line?
JM: Yes
Friend: There are some that think that fisting is way over the line.
JM: I know
Friend: Did you know that there are some Doms that think that swallowing their piss is absolutely necessary?
JM: Ok and?
Friend: And do you know that for all those different types of Doms I just mentioned, there are subs that obey them?
JM: Yes
Friend: Do you think that any one of those Doms/subs are "WRONG" for doing what they do?

Point clearly made - "To each his/her own". People are into different things and if both those people are happy with what they are doing and no one is seriously being hurt then is it wrong, is it sick, is it disgusting?!

Before Nameless had im'd me with his opinion about what I can done, I seriously thought long and hard before posting the story. I wasn't proud of what I had done, I had many mixed feelings about it and now - now I'm quite confused. I feel as though if this never happened to me again I wouldn't miss it, I'd never crave it. This was something I did, something I tried. So is that bad? Am I some crazy, sick person - no I'm not.

So without further ado - here is my deleted post:


I met him in our place; he had noted that it was most likely a full moon because it was much brighter outside than usual.

I kneeled before him to show respect and my place, my body there for his inspection. My breasts exposed and presented to him for his use. He touched, bounced, hand-weighed them as he always does. I looked away as I always do.

I stood up as instructed; he unbuttoned my jeans pulled them down, down to my ankles. He went to pull my thong down, I refused, we argued, he let me win - this time.

His finger felt my pussy over my satin thong.
I spread my legs as he told me to, his fingers touching not so rough but not softly either. He continues, a suddenly feel his finger push past my thong, I stand still for him and he begins to explore my cunt with his fingers. I feel somewhat violated, his fingers touching, probing, prodding... He starts to push his fingers in and out of me, then faster. I start to moan but I'm confused, he's actually doing something that makes me feel good? This can't be right. He goes on fingering me, harder and faster, then two fingers... he might have gotten to three at that point I'm not too sure, it felt great. Then his fingers move to that hard nub, he rubs it hard, and rubs it, rubs it, rubs it - my legs are quivering, I'm crying out I can barely stand. I close my legs to stop him, he orders me to keep them spread. He tortures me - rubbing on my clit continuously, it starts to hurt, the feeling is just too much, too intense, too sensitive. I'm begging him to stop, "Shut up Cunt" he replies.
His fingers don't move from my clit and the torture continues. My knees are shaking I can't stand up anymore. More than once I bent over laying my head against his shoulder. He pushes me away tells me to stand up. I fall again resting my head against him; I attempt to kiss his neck -
"Get up" he responds sounding so annoyed with me, pushing me up and off of him with his free hand. He's relentless and mean - he won't stop, it's torture, it hurts it's even starting to feel like it burns. He won't let me touch him - I think I hated him at that moment.
CT would have reveled in it; he would have been beside himself that his sub wanted to kiss his neck and make him feel good as he tortured me. But no - not this one. This one never does anything affectionate - maybe he has a significant other and is afraid of getting feelings for me. Maybe he thinks that possibly feeling my lips in any other place other than his cock is just too much for him.
I guess it's that Pretty Woman/Julia Roberts rule - "No Kissing". Granted the rule has definite meaning... I truly believe that kissing helps in causing feelings. But, c'mon now I'm not looking to make-out with you. Figures, I either find myself with a Dom that's extremely affectionate or with one that's not affectionate at all.

Eventually he stops, and when he tells me to get on my knees I could practically fall to them. We sit quietly for a moment - then I'm told to take his cock out. I enthusiastically suck it, he stands up holds my head and cums on my face, across my cheeks onto my lips and he rubs his cock down the bridge of my nose... He then grabs my hair and dries his cock off with it - I felt like slutty, dirty. He sits back down; I’m before him on my knees with his cum all over my face. He tells me to clean it off... I move closer and suck his cock clean. But he doesn't stop me, so I continue to suck him again. He then tells me to stop and tells me to use my hands.

This is somewhat embarrassing - because I don't use my hands. I've never felt a need for it. I think girls suck at jerking guys off, what’s the point of it if they can do it better themselves?!

Well I honestly (this is even embarrassing to write) really didn't know what to do. He told me to put my hand around it, and rub up and down. I do it, I hated it, I didn't even want to watch myself do it. I kept looking away and he kept telling me to watch... every time I looked away he would move my head down to watch. This didn't go on for so long... partially because I begged to use my mouth, and he let me. Eventually he stood up and fucked my face, fucking it hard holding my head and just slamming his cock in and out of my mouth. Then his cock would push in all the way in to the back of my throat, he'd hold it there I couldn't breathe, he'd choke me with his cock. I would hit his legs with my hands and try to pull away - then pull away coughing or breathing hard taking in air. I like when he does that, I like how he uses my mouth, my throat. I love how it feels when he fucking my face. He pulls away and cums... yet again on my face. I then dry his cock with my hair, suck it clean, and put it away.

I'm going to skip a part of this night - I'll post about it another time it's somewhat too involved to put in here.

He then stands up over me; I'm still on my knees. "Look up at me" I do so. "Open your mouth" I open my mouth... He bends down and motions as though he's going to spit into my mouth. I pull away, he smacks my face... This repeats about another 4 or 5 times... until finally he holds my neck almost choking me I still look away a few times. He's starting to get very angry with me. But I can't imagine him spitting into my mouth - gross!... Again - he takes my head, pulls my head back he tells me to close my eyes, grabs my neck hard, my mouth is open, then I feel his saliva against the roof of my mouth. "Close your mouth and swallow" I swallow his saliva like a shot - straight down my throat I feel more go down that what I had felt on the roof of my mouth. He does it a second time to me, I still resist but not as much as the first time. This time he spits onto my tongue - it felt gross...I swallowed it like a good girl.

He then says he has to pee and asks if I'm going to watch, I shake my head no.
He slaps my face and tells me to watch, I say no. he slaps my face again, "Watch me cunt, I reply no - another slap and then he spits on my face. He continues telling me to watch, only to have me say no, and then spits again - on my cheek. Watch - no - spits again on other cheek, I feel it dripping down... I feel disgusted as he continues to humiliate and degrade me, spitting on my face, I ask and beg him to stop, he ignores me. He repeatedly asks if I’m ready to watch him pee, I say no each time and then get spit on. Then he stops and takes a good look at my face, tells me I look good with his spit all over it. I feel low, and even more humiliated by his comment. He then says I'm taking too long and goes to pee... not very far from me at all. I sit on my knees on the floor with his saliva on my face I look down.
I wonder what he feels like while spitting on me, I wonder if he feels just as dominant as I feel submissive at that moment. Does he enjoy spitting on me like that - does he feel bad for me at all? Does he really like the site of his spit all over my face? Doesn't it look gross? Does he think I’m gross? Does he wonder if I have any respect for him? Either way I'd take him slapping my face and spitting on me anytime over watching him pee.

He sits down in front of me on the bench, "Rub it in". I freeze; I can't possibly rub this in my face. "What are you waiting for?" I start to wipe it off hoping he would think I’m rubbing it in - doesn't work. "I said rub it in bitch not wipe it off". I whimper and then look away from him and I rub his saliva in all over my face. I'm so humiliated this is a worse than having water poured on me. I want to cry... I don't, I won't cry for him. He'd enjoy it too much.

**The following was not in yesterday's post, but should have been:**
After that night, I had asked him to answer the questions that I wondered:
His answers -
I thought it looked beautiful
I look past the surface
I saw a woman on her knees willing to do anything to please me
I was so proud and happy for you
Then I asked him - If he had any respect for me?
His answer -
More than ever.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Swank vs. Hole-in-the-Wall

I worked late, it's Friday night.

I had plans to see a friend’s band play. I had plans to go upstate. I had plans to go to the movies. I had plans to go to Morgan's bar, drink get somewhere between buzzed and drunk, (You know, that happy spot that's nestled right between there) then afterwards go to a golf coarse and have lots of sex - yes outside on the golf coarse!

But I'm tired, I woke up this morning thinking it's Wednesday - hmmm... possibly Thursday - TOTALLY in shock once in office and realized it's FRIDAY - When did that happen?!

So now it's Friday, I lost a day or two - great. What drugs did I do?? - KIDDING- I'm a drug free gal. Ok meanwhile I'm sooo not dressed to see friends band play, and another friend calls to cancel, she can't make the show. Sister calls me about 20 minutes later to tell me no upstate trip this weekend. Alexis still wants to go to the movies - still debating on that - after movies I still could go to Morgan's bar.

I look a tad crappy. My hair is flat and unlife-like, definitely not the usually bouncy head of hair I'm use to. Face - ok I could use a touch of make-up. Clothes - they are so-so, at least they're not the messy Friday ensemble I through together. Pants heels and a top - alright.

After leaving the office I decide to walk instead of dealing with dreary smelly subway, stopping in a store or 2 on the way. Then, I see it, approaching closer - the SwankBar is coming up. I make sure my clothes are straight and nothing is stuck up/in or hanging out anywhere.

I often pass the SwankBar - lots of people my age - chatting, drinking, and flirting in their business attire after work. I always think to myself while passing - Should I be in places like that after work with friends/co-workers? Part of me does think so and part of me could care less.

Ok now fully approaching SwankBar, lots of boys outside smoking, head up, chest and back up out and straight, feet facing forward - (no duck walking) and put on the strut! As I'm slowly passing I see a girl sitting at the bar - Becky!- yes Becky from High School. I want to go in and say hello but she's seated intimately at the bar talking to some guy. And then just then as my eyes quickly scan the rest of the SwankBar I see another girl sitting with many others. She's facing the giant open windows - its JAP. My arch enemy - then Best Friend - then arch enemy again. I know her too from High School.

Luckily before passing SwankBar I fixed clothes, flipped hair and put on my sache/strut. As I pass - we make eye contact - I slyly roll my eyes, turn my head and strut along pass the SwankBar.

Ok, so I played cool, did well. But the rest of my walk I wondered -

Two girls from High School are in my SwankBar on an early Friday evening.

(Enter Panic)

I'm 26 and I spend my Friday nights at the local hole-in-the-wall-bar where Morgan works, or at the other hole-in-the-wall-bar where everyone knows your name (or at least I know everyone's name).

Should I be Sex-in-the-Citying it up at swanky bars??? Should I be downtown in funky/cool rock bars??

Am I NOT UTILIZING a social life pathway I should be? - WILL I REGRET THIS????????????????

-But if I choose to go to swanky bars - who do I go with?
Alexis - She'd never go
Sister - Same as above
Alas, I need friends - but this isn't exactly about me needing friends - it's about my choice of social venues.

I start to feel a tad pathetic...

Post Weekend Update:

Friday night - Ended up sitting home on my couch watching movies - I suck am loser girl!
Later that weekend I find out, I'll be going out to some swanky bar this coming weekend - I suddenly realize while I dread going - part of me is a tad excited... JUST A TAD.
If I had a choice - I'd go to Morgan's hole-in-the-wall-bar.

Friday, August 19, 2005


I could have been taken
I could have been owned
I could have come home
after work - his home
Stripped naked - for him
Left in the most natural state and uninhibited form

I could have been his, his slave
Worn his collar
Living such a simple life
At times kept
on a leash
in a cage
on a bed
fed, bathed, loved

He did love me, he does love me
He misses me
using me
feeling me
engulfing me, my scent, my skin,
my eyes, my curves - where my buttocks meets my thighs
He'd teach me, train me, discipline me
I would have been perfect - perfect for him - for us

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Pushing Further

I love when Morgan uses the Big Red Dildo! It's long and thick ( I have no idea how long and thick cause I suck with measurements - but it's huge!) and the head is nice and big. He lubes up Big Red so well, that it's as if I'm literally lying there waiting for it... Finally he starts pushing the head into me - it hurts somewhat. He pushes it further and as I feel it slide in all of a sudden it's a euphoric feeling, my back arches and thrusts my chest out, I moan in pleasure, my nipples harden, and I pull at my arms which are bound to the headboard. I think I could become addicted to that point of pleasure; it's unlike anything I've felt.

Big Red slowly pushes in and out of me; I feel every inch of it inside me, sliding deep inside me. My hips start to buck against it. In my head I'm crying out - harder, faster, harder PLEASE. When my body begins to fuck it, that's when Morgan starts to push it in and out faster. He fucks my pussy hard with it.
Thoughts going through my head -
That’s it, yes, use me, use my pussy - hurt my pussy.

I want him to continue, for a long time, I want him to exhaust my cunt; I want it sore and hurting the next day. I want to tell him to keep going, don't stop, after I cum still please don't stop after that. I don't care if I'm begging you to stop after I orgasm, I don't care if Ms. Kitty is extra sensitive at that moment and Big Red is just too much for her - Fuck me, Hurt Me, Use Me - because I love it.

When Morgan attempts to fist me - it's almost the same feelings but without that euphoric feeling. He just keeps pushing and pushing - more and more of his hand into me. And it hurts - I can feel his knuckles up against my pussy's entrance trying to push their way into my soft, hot, moist cunt. He goes slow but continues to push into me, I push back onto his hand, I want to feel it in me, I want to feel that hurt that delicious pain of him piercing my pussy.

Last night he relentlessly fucked my cunt with Big Red, he told me if I was good and quiet (because of the upstairs neighbors and their young kid - meanwhile its sooooo hard for me to be quiet) he would fuck me hard... I said ok. Finally Morgan went to town, he fucked my pussy so hard and fast with it, I came good and hard for him - mmm I think I'm getting wet right now just thinking of it! But alas, as per what I just wrote above... he eventually stops and to be honest I'm not sore at all.

Side note: I told Morgan that I was posting about Big Red and his fist. He really wants to read this - but I'm not sure if I should let him. He'd then read these thoughts that go through my mind... the thoughts that I'm too scared to say to him in the first place...hmm what to do...

Also last night he finally and fully fisted me - in a new position.
I'm usually on my back, last night I was lying on my stomach with my ass slightly lifted up for him. He started by fingering me... nice and slow, building it up- inserting 2, then 3, then 4 fingers. I'm moaning as he drives his hand in further, it's not hurting as much as usual, and all I want is more, my pussy is hungry for more. Then all of sudden he pushes harder and I feel his knuckles quickly thrust into me. Holy-A it hurt like hell, and kinda scared the hell out of me. I cried out "Stop, no more". Immediately he didn't move his hand another inch, Morgan's good when it comes to this stuff and communicating - he asks me if I want him to leave it there a minute or not. It hurts sooo badly I can't take it - "Out out out" I breathlessly whisper. I'm whimpering as he very, very, very, slowly draws his hand out of me. He moves his body down lower, I feel his warm chest against my legs and he's kissing the small of my back as he further pulls his hand out. I love how he's considerate like that and does whatever else he can to take my mind off of the real pain I'm feeling - so sweet.

Afterwards we lie quietly next to each other and talk about it, he can't stop telling me how "fucking hot that was", and I agree.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

What's with those people?

Do the non-kinky people of our world have as much fun and even as much sex as us, the kinkees (my new word) ?!???

First off, "Kinky" has different definitions and meanings to different people - but let’s put that aside for now.

What has led me to this question is my friend's response to me, the story goes as so:
I was in my local XXX-Store -

Side note: Morgan and I have decided that we take turns each week buying something, anything as long as it's sexual, or could be used in some sexual sort of manner. - Yay Fun!

So, I'm in the XXX-Store and I happen to run into this girl (we'll call her PornShopGirl) who is a friend of a friend of a friend - yea -, who ended up going away us one weekend. I knew she worked close to me, but we hadn't seen each other since that weekend.

Meanwhile, we chatted and hey great - I now have a hook-up at the XXX-Store if need be!

After I leave the store, I call my good friend (Alexis) and tell her who I ran into.

Side note: Now when PornShopGirl was away with us and we were talking jobs, she said she's a Buyer for lingerie. She never mentioned that she does the buying for an XXX-Store.

After I tell her she's all "Wow, that’s crazy but I figured her job would have to be in some sort of place like that - a dirty place - she used to be a Call-Girl ya know".

Hell no, I didn't know! Oh my god, the questions and conversations I could have with this girl would be endless - A Call-Girl, how interesting!! (To me at least).

"So did you actually go in there", she asks me sounding disgusted.
"Yea, and I've been in there before."
"Did you buy anything?"
"Nooooo" I say sarcastically
"That means you did, what do they sell in there?" she asks
"Everything, from toys, lube, sex games, clothes, to slutty shoes! I tried on this corset, it was sooo cute, it actually looked good with my jeans, but unfortunately it was too big and they didn't have a smaller size “I respond excited
"What did you try on?"
"A corset you know..."
She cuts me off... "Oh yea, like a bra"
"No Alexis, not exactly"
I explain to her what it is....
"Well I wouldn't know about those things, I wear a big t shirt and boxers to bed with G (her boyfriend)"
"But sometimes you wear something sexy don't you?" I ask
"No, why would I, it just comes off anyway and all that is a pain."
"Do you ever wear a cute bra and thong or something like that?"
"No" she says.
I think to myself... ugh.

Anyway to make this ridiculous conversation short, she asks me what I bought, I tell her about the flavored lubricant.

Side note: KY is some nasty tasting stuff! Morgan doesn't mind it but I can't to think of how he's down there, enjoying my pussy but tasting the KY from earlier when he was fucking me with a giant dildo - ugh KY!

Once she hears that I bought flavored lube there's a pause and she says:

"Well I'm not into that kinky stuff"

NEED I SAY MORE?? If she only knew I also bought a paddle!!! Hahahahah

In all seriousness though - This whole conversation had me thinking about the type of sex she has - even it's that nice yummy "lovemaking". It can't be that all the time?! Is sex ever fun for her and G? I think not.... and to me that's sad. I wonder how many others are like that.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Place Your Pin - Damn it!

Hello there my loverlees;

This may be a bit cheesy but I'm fully obsessed with where my readers are from, I'm always looking through the stats on my counter - checking out the ending of the website's from which you all view my site from - it's exhausting sometimes, and I don't even know who's who. So I came across this great website/blog add on!!

A GuestMap - Sort of like a guest book - but not.

If you look to the side of my blog you'll see a button sittin' all by its lonesome just wanting to be clicked upon - it might say "Place Your Pin", "Click Here", or "View my Guestmap" and it has a picture of a globe.

Go click that - place your pin in your location and leave a message or at the very least your blogger name - let me know who you are!

Now get going!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Impressed in the Park

Last night I met up with TLO - remember him? Well here's a reminder.

I haven't really stopped talking to him since that night - things slowed down, but then I decided to give it another go; I met with him 2 other times (but chose not to write about it) it wasn't anything grand.

It's hard with TLO, being that he's young and still a learning Dom there are things I know more of than he does. I try to keep it somewhat separate as to when I'm giving him advice and when I'm being submissive to him. He asks to see me alllllll the time, but I always said I had plans or was busy (we all know who I had plans and was busy with (giggle)). He asked me so often and each day that it became monotonous, almost like he was this annoying boy who just waited and waited till I said yes. This type of relationship is not supposed to go that way. I finally just told him that he needs to be more demanding with me - don't ask if I can see you - tell me, instruct me, command me, order me to see you! And get into my head! I'm a stubborn woman, and in the end I'll probably do what I want anyway - but if you're ordering me to see you, and doing it in a dominating manner well then hell yea I’m going to listen. Well he took my advice and ran with it (though he claims he was going to do that anyway - for some reason I don't believe him).
He told me that I was to see him on Thursday night - at the park at 11p.m. Yes, the park - kinda ridiculous - but I didn't have my apt. to myself that evening, and he will be getting his own place soon, so till then it's the dark, kinda scary park.

As the title of the post says I was impressed - fully impressed by his words, actions, and ways - he was a different person from the first time we met. I've chosen a new name for him on here - it's no longer TLO it's now - - - TYD - The Young Dom. I think this suits him well, it involves his age which to the both of us of importance, and being the I'm calling him a Dom, means that, that's how I now view and respect him.
I'm sorry to confuse everyone, but TLO just doesn't fit him any longer - I promise not to change it again!

I was very, very late - 2 hours late to be exact, I did text message him to tell him I was running late, and he must of called me at least 15 times... but I had an emergency - and BOY he was angry.

Finally I get to the park, wearing jeans, flip flops and this baby doll kinda shirt, no bra and donning a black satin thong. The last time I went to the park with him I had on a skirt, it rained earlier and the buggies just ate up my legs like someone handed it to them on freaking silver platter! Anyway I get to the park, he's standing there waiting for me, I haven't seen him in a while it felt awkward for a moment, I didn’t know if I should kiss him on the cheek hello or what?! As we walked to the spot I stayed pretty quiet unless he spoke to me because I knew he was angry earlier when we spoke on the phone. He talked a bit and I saw that his anger seemed to subside.

We get to our spot, I put on bug spray, and put it on his arms, and spray down the bench and the area we're in. I put my bag down and then he instructs me to take out the items he told me to bring:

Lotion: To be used when I jerk him off
My Paddle Brush: He spanks me with it
2 Bottles of Water: One for me to use while I suck his cock
I take them out, then he tells me to stand in front of him and get on my knees, he's sitting on the bench. He looks at my shirt and can't really figure out how to or what to do with it. I tell him he can just pull it down over my chest, he does so and then he inspects my tits. He gropes them, touches them, feels my nipples, he holds them in his hands and makes motions like he weighing them, slaps them very lightly, and gropes them some more. I look away as he does all this, it's somewhat embarrassing and I don't like watching him do it. He then tells me to stand, and then says that tonight he will learn more about my body. He feels my legs, rubbing them with his hands down to my ankles. He instructs me to turn around, and the he does the same to the back of my legs and ass. He touches my ass and feels more - none of this turns me on, he's inspecting my body and it's uncomfortable. He turns me around, unbuttons my jeans, turns me around again and pulls them down to my ankles, he takes my thong with them, I pull it back up - not tonight. He then continues his inspection, feeling my bare legs, this is even worse than with my jeans on, when he turns me around again, his hand moves between my legs and he rubs my pussy - it wasn't a sensual rub - he was feeling it for the first time, he repeatedly rubbed my pussy lips... All the while I kept my head turned to the right looking into the dark forest that surrounded the park, while feeling his hands examine me. I felt like an object that he was considering to purchase.
He orders me to my knees in front of him, and lowers my head so that I'm looking downward. He has my tits back in his hands, groping and feeling them again.
TYD: "You have some pain coming to you"
I don't respond
TYD: "Do you understand"
TYD: "Is that how you answer me?"
"Yes Sir"
TYD: "Do you know why I'm doing this?"
"Yes Sir" (I was soo due for a punishment, we talked about it the night before, and there was no way I could avoid it - I tried)
TYD: "Are you ready to take the pain?"
I look up at him and I shake my head no (The pain thing scared me, but I've always been afraid of pain, I believe I handle it better than I assume)
TYD: "I'm going to ask you again, are you ready to take the pain from me?"
I whisper "Yes Sir"
He pinches my nipples, tells me to lower my head and close my eyes, I do so - TYD lightly smacks my left tit, then my right, the left, the left, the right the left, on and on... The smacks become harder and faster. I don't think my chest had ever been hit like this, some of the smacks hurt - others don't. I wince as I feel his hand come down on me, I cry out with the harder smacks. He continues slapping them, then he stops and I feel the wood brush on my skin. I shudder; I can't imagine that he's going to hit my tits with the paddle brush. He rubs it against my tits, then turns it around and I feel the bristles drag across my nipple, then over on my other nipple the bristles drag across it, you can hear them. He removes it, SMACK, the brush comes down onto my tit, and again, again, back and forth on both of them. It hurts and I cried out a few times. He finally stopped, they hurt a bit and mostly they felt warm. I wanted him so badly to take my nipples in his mouth, to caress then just a bit, to let them feel some kind of pleasure. At least hold my tits nicely, rub them, do something - but nothing he let go, sat back on the bench and said "Take out my cock".
I unhooked and opened his belt, unbuttoned the button, unzipped the zipper, folded the sides of his pants to the sides, I tried not to look up at him, I just stared at my hands and what I was doing. I put my hand inside his boxers, felt his warm cock, it wasn't fully hard but wasn't fully soft. I took it out and placed my hands at my sides. He said something - to me it sounded like Open your Mouth - so I did, I'm kneeling there in front of him with my mouth open, a few seconds go by. He then says - Did you hear me? I say - Didn't you say to open my mouth, He says no - "put it in your mouth", I kinda laugh cause I feel like a DICK kneeling in front of him with my mouth open for no apparent reason...
I kneel lower and take his cock in my mouth, I start sucking it softly, slowly. I remember how earlier when we were chatting online that he wanted a nice slow sucking, so that's what I did. Softly I sucked it, caressing it with my tongue, dragging my lips up and down his shaft, taking his cock to the back of my throat. I sucked his cock once before - it was different, it didn't feel right. I didn't think he enjoyed it, I didn't enjoy it - it was missing something then and I abruptly stopped and refused to continue... This time was different - this time was good. I enjoyed his cock in my mouth, taking it in deep sucking it a little harder, knowing that this is making him feel so good. He says "Good Girl" early on, so I know I'm doing well. I devour his cock, tasting it, licking it; I'm truly enjoying sucking this man's cock. I want to please him, I want to show him that I can be good, because I honestly know that the last month or so I totally put him aside. He says something like "that’s a good girl" and maybe he pet my head ... I'm not sure but then he took my head and pushed it all the way down on him "Take it down your throat, down your throat" he was pushing my head down so hard, but the way his cock was angled in my mouth, it wasn't going down my throat. He held my head there, I couldn't breath too well, finally he let go I was breathing heavy but took his cock in my mouth again and began sucking, and sucking. It slid in and out it of my mouth smoothly, and then he said "Stop". I pulled away, he stood up, I looked up at him and he came on my face, all over my right cheek, it hit my eyelashes, across my nose, and onto my left cheek he smeared his cock head. He rubbed it again onto my face, and then he sat back down, he looked at his work he had done. I didn't think he was able to really see it, it was so dark at the park, but I certainly felt his cum dripping down my cheeks and off of my nose. (I've only let Morgan cum on my face, TYD told me earlier that he was going to cum on my face and tits, I told him I don't do that - we had a small argument about it, and I lost... obviously.)
I asked if I could clean my face off, he told me to first clean off his cock and dry it. I sucked his cock to take any excess cum off of it and then I knew how he wanted me to dry off his cock - with my hair- humiliating. I looked at him, and asked if I had to, his response - "I'm waiting". I gathered my hair to the left side and proceeded to dry his cock with it. I didn't like doing this so much - but whatever. I then wiped my face clean with a napkin I had in my bag, he watched me do it, which make me feel stupid. After that we sat there in silence for a few minutes, I apologized to him again for what happened earlier with me running late, he said he hoped I was sorry, I told him I wouldn't have said it again if I weren’t.
He instructed me to stand up and lay over his knee - it was time for my spanking. I hate lying across his lap, don't know why but I just do. TYD starts off with his bare hand, it doesn't hurt so much at first, then he slaps my ass harder, it starts to sting a bit. Then harder and harder, I can still handle it but I’m starting to squirm on his lap. He then switched to the paddle brush. It lightly stings, and burns, the first few I take but soon after those I begin to beg him to stop. He doesn't listen, he doesn't even acknowledge my cries, he continues spanking me harder my ass, my thighs, my calves. They feel like they are on fire, a burning sensation I've never really felt. I'm whimpering and trying to move my legs away, but I very well know he's going to smack the paddle down onto them. It's hot outside, I'm all worked up, which only makes me feel more hot, I'm still whimpering, but not so close to tears, the spanking is hurting me badly. My forehead is wet, I'm sweating, I try to calm myself down, to lie there and take my spanking. I feel each sting and burn of the paddle, the pain spreading onto my skin, feeling the punishment for my actions. He slaps my thighs harder, my calves sting, my ass cheeks were on fire, I couldn't take it anymore.
I pushed myself up lifting my upper body, he pushed me back down muttering "Get back down". I begged him, whimpered, I wanted to cry but couldn't - it takes a lot to have me completely let go and cry for you. Pushing myself up again, I wanted him to look at me, to look at my face and see that I was in pain, I've had enough and just couldn't take the spanking any longer. He barely looked at me, and pushed me back down onto his lap... Squirming, whimpering, begging - nothing from him, just the paddle repeatedly hitting me.
I didn't know how much longer it was to continue- 5 min's? 10 min's? Longer?? I had no choice, no power; I was his bad sub, in his lap under his hand receiving her punishment. I had been defeated, and felt it.
It's almost as if he knew it, maybe he did and maybe he didn't but his next action truly made me feel subservient. Maybe subservient isn't the correct word to use, but he had me exactly where he wanted me - almost broken.
TYD took a bottle of water; I knew what to expect he told me earlier that day what it was for. He drank some, asked me if I wanted a sip - I declined. We sat there - he on the bench, I was in front of him on my knees on the ground. It was quiet, I stayed silent, and I wasn't sure how I would react to his next move. He took the bottle and poured a bit onto my left tit it dribble down and off of my nipple. Again, he poured the water onto my chest and it rolled down and onto his pants (hee hee) he got a bit angry and told me to back up more so as to not get him wet. So far all is well a little water on my chest... he pours a bit more, this time it runs off of my chest and onto my pants that are underneath my knees. He waits a few seconds, and pours the water on my shoulder. Then he pours it over my head, this completely wets me, the water runs down my hair and body. I look away from him embarrassed, he pours more water onto my head, my shirt and pants are wet, my body's wet, my face... I look up at him, he seems powerful and strong. He's dry, holding the bottle of water, the water that continues to humiliate me with each drop that I feel. I'm starting to not like this, I hate the water and I begin to cringe each time he raises his hand with the bottle.
He tells me to put my head up, I have a problem doing this, eventually I do it. Then he places the bottle above my head and slowly goes to pour it out. Partially out of natural reaction and partially because I just can't have that done to me, I move my head away. I try again - but I just can't do it. I can't have that water poured onto my face, I’d be a mess, my mascara would run down my cheeks, I’d just be completely wet and a mess. I think to myself next time wear waterproof mascara! Although I'm still unsure if I'd be able to put my head up and have that water poured onto me. He gives up with having me put my head up. I feel cold, I'm wet, I feel like I’m a mess, and there's some other kind of feeling - but it's hard to put into words. I want him to tell me its ok, and that I’m doing well, I want some kind of assurance, some kind of warmth from him... Sitting on the ground, wet, I start whimpering a bit, and begging no more water. He pours more water onto me, it runs down my head, my neck my shoulders, my body.... I feel low, low, low... I think I could cry at this point, I don't but I prolly could of. I'm looking down at the ground, I'm somewhat sad, embarrassed, humiliated, I can't bear to look up at him ... and at that moment I am broken.
He instructs me to take out his cock and suck it, I do it with enthusiasm, I'm soaking wet, and cold but all I could think of is pleasing him and sucking his cock well. He is rougher this time with me and uses my head, holding onto my hair and fucking my mouth, he pushes his cock down my throat this time and chokes me with it, he slaps my face with his cock and so on... He ends up taking his cock away from me and masturbates in front of me, I hate this, it's a waste of his own energy, I just want to suck his cock more and bring him to the point of cumming, but he doesn’t let me. He ends up cumming on my chest. I then clean his cock with my mouth, and dry it with my hair, I clean my chest off... he tells me I was a good girl, impressed and pleased him. I say thank you Sir. I'm told to pick my pants up and get dressed.
We leave the park...
I've masturbated many times to that night... I hope to see/serve him again soon.
The next day I find a few small bruises and then a huge ugly bruise on my tits, I tell him about it - we're both surprised that it's on my tits considering it seemed as though they were the least hurt. I eventually see Morgan and make up the excuse that I fell... I fall all the time - so it's believable... I feel bad and somewhat guilty.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

the Other Side

So, from past posts of mine we all are openly aware that Morgan would like me to take some more control in the bedroom.
To date I have now tied him and taken over 3-4 times:

A few weeks ago, a Friday night, actually it was the same night that Morgan Shaved Me, afterwards he wanted me to take control of things.
I blindfolded him then tied his wrists to the head-board of the bed with black electrical tape. I licked the spot below his belly button, then kissed his stomach up to his chest to his neck, his earlobes, face, then teased him a little around his lips.
To be honest, I didn't really like this new power of mine. I had no idea what to do and got a bit bored. I tried to think of how it is when I'm tied and blindfolded. How your body becomes so sensitive to every touch, to every sound.
I did a lot of lightly touching his body, softly kissing him. I kissed parts of him I haven't, the inner area of his elbow, sucking it there for a moment, then licking his forearm up to his wrist, to his palm and then sucking on his finger. I tried to drive him crazy letting him feel my mouth, lips, tongue all over him.....

I told him to stick his tongue out and my mouth was over it sucking on it (something the BFWB does to me), then licked his licks... and played with his nipples a bit. I rubbed my finger against my wet pussy and put it against his lips. He LOVED that; I did it a few times. I sat on top of him and fed him my nipples to suck and lick, teasing him and pulling them away for a moment and then suddenly back on his lip is my hard nipple.
Then unable to hold out anymore I moved down his body and suddenly took his cock deep and hard into my mouth and down my throat. I sucked his cock greedily as if someone was about to take it away from me. He writhed under me, I saw him pulling at his hands from the head-board and my job was done... I had driven him crazy, and sucking his cock like that just pushed him further. Then suddenly I had an idea... I climbed on top of him, I was facing his cock sucking it, and then slowly I moved my cunt closer to his face.
((MAJOR SIDE NOTE HERE: I DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE 69, I Refuse to sit on someone's face or put myself into a position of that kind. The only 69 position I've ever done is where I'm laying down and his cock is above me.))
I think he almost lost his mind when he realized my pussy was there for him to devour. And devour he did, until I started teasing him again and moving away from him and then back again. I sucked his cock and let him go to town on my pussy until he came.
- Day's, weeks later he's still talking about that night -
The second time wasn't much, I tied up his hands to the head bored with this long stretchy red cloth he has, I took more time in tying him than our last round of me taking control. I wrapped it nicely around his wrists making sure it didn’t get twisted, and made sure that each arm was tied the same way (I impressed myself). After that I did lots and lots of teasing, and at the end of the night I didn't let him cum.... hee hee hee.
The third time, Morgan told me how he was in a very fun and kinky-anything-goes-kinda-mood, and he more or less told me in so many words, he wanted to be tied up. Ok here goes....
I was wearing a new cami in which he was dying to see.. It’s black, tight, thin and very see-through, along with a thong, and these black thigh high boots he L-oooo-ves!
So I blindfold him before he gets to see the outfit. I kiss him a few times and wait a little while which makes him think he's not going to get to see the outfit; after a bit I decide to de-blindfold him...I let him see me quickly and then the blindfold is back on. I laid him down on the bed, but across it so that his legs sort of hang over the longer side. I take the red bungee thingy and I wrap it around his upper arm to his wrist and then to the headboard, same with the other side to the foot board. He replies that he likes how I take the time to tie him up in different ways.
I then went straight for his cock, but he still has his underwear on. I rub my face against it up and down, I open my mouth over it and blow warm air onto it.... he moans.. I do this for about a good 10 minutes, it's driving him nuts, and his cock is growing nice and hard for me.
I kiss his thighs, lick them, suck on them for a bit. Back to his cock my hand grabs it hard and rubs. He tells me, I'm driving him crazy... I slink up his body to his neck, licking and kissing his soft smooth skin there. I whisper into his ear.. "No more talking". I move away and sit up... "You will answer me only with a yes or no. Do you understand? "Yes"
I learned to tease his body in new ways, I learned every inch of his body, discovering new paths I can drag my nails across, new sensitive areas I can lick ever so softly with my warm tongue. I learned to be more aggressive with him... When he spoke, and he wasn’t supposed to I hit his inner thighs with the crop. Or if I felt like it I would hit his balls with the crop just because I was in control and I could. I lightly tapped the crop on them repeatedly and then slowly I hit them harder and harder. Between the hard hitting I would move down to them and suck on them. I tried mixing the pain and pleasure of it all. After I hit his inner thighs I would kiss and lick them....
That night was a long night it happened a while ago so, to be honest I don't remember all the details, but I learned and felt what it was like to be in control, to be the dominant one. I didn't hate it - maybe I didn't hate it because it's with Morgan but I can't see myself ever volunteering to be in that position with anyone else. Matter-of-fact if Morgan never wanted me to take control again I would be quite fine with that. But I'm not tortured in doing it to him, this may sound silly but I'm somewhat jealous when he's all tied up and his body is there for my use - it's like no no no - that’s where I'M suppose to be.
In the meantime, he talks about it often and I know I'll be doing it more often to him...
Lately I haven't done it. I told him he needs to "Step it up" with me, he needs to go that extra step tie me up and use me all night long - until then I'm no where near being his dominatrix again!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Crashed....my computer

I have a good reason for the disappearance - I've been on vacation. I would have posted that I was going away, but the day before I left my home computer crashed!! I'm sooo pissed off about this. My computer tells me - "Hard Drive Not Found", what is that about??! I'm so busy at work that I haven't had time to blog, so I was really relying on doing it at home - guess that's out of the question now. So I'll try my best to get some good posts out there - but please be patient with me.

If anyone has a working hard drive they’d like to donate - please feel free to email me and I'm SURE we could work something out