The Boy in the Building

It's about 3am, I recently stumbled into my apartment, not drunk, just mostly tired, and all together not feeling so well. I trip over someone's pair of sandals, curse my sister out deciding that they're hers. I untie my pants, as I walk down the hallway they fall to my ankles I step out of them as I enter my room, leaving them somewhere on the floor, lifting off my shirt tossing it, I fall into bed. Mmmmm... My yummy comfy delicious bed, I stretch out, and lay down thinking about my night at Morgan’s. My cell phone rings, I reach under my pillow - it's Morgan. He can't sleep and wants me to come back over, ha I tell him yea ok suuuure. We're talking for a few more minutes - my door bell. Who the hell is at my door at this time? Phone still in tow I climb out of bed, the bell is still ringing and now the person is knocking - loudly.
"Who is it?"
"Joey, let me in" (I think to myself - Damn, I make one drunken phone call last night and he's at my door the next.)
"Who is it?" (I know very well who it is but I figured I'd play dumb)
Morgan asks, who it is, I tell him I'm not sure but I'll call him back.
Back at the door he's knocking again.
"____ what are you doing here" I ask.
"Just let me in, c'mon"
I tell him to hold on, run to my bedroom and throw on a t-shirt, back at the door, I slightly open it.
"____ what are you doing here it's like 3:30 am"
"Aww Joey let me in, lets hang out"
"No, go home"

This banter goes on for about 5-7 minutes,, he begs to come in, he pulls every line he could try - lets just cuddle, let's talk ... on and on.
He then tries pushing his way in, (he's not forceful or scary to the point that I'm nervous - I kinda want him in, but I kinda don't). He's in, yet he thinks my sister is home so he's quiet; he goes straight to my room and jumps into my bed. (That I didn't really want) I pull him out of my bed.
And off he goes to my living room, and plops on the couch. I walk over to my door, and tell him to leave, he asks me to come over sit down and chat - I do.

Now Building Boy cracks me up. We've known each other since I was 12/13ish. He's always, always had a crush on me. As we've gotten older, a few years ago, I figured why not? Let's try this out... Well I soon found out he is a major relationship phobe. What's he want? The friend with benefits, and while that would work out quite nicely being that he lives in my building, I have no interest in that type of friendship with him. There are also other factors as to why I feel that way... but I'm not going into that. And he's done this before too, at my door after a night out.

We're sitting on the couch, and he tells me how I'm so pretty, so gorgeous and I believe him, I know he truly thinks that. He goes on talking about how he's adored me since way back when.....

And then he says this which is just classic:
“Joey you are “it” – you’re it, you’re the one!”
I giggle at him… and reply, “______, I’m not the one, and I’m certainly not your “it” you won’t even date me”
“Well, I have that, ya know...”
I interrupt him, “I know, you have that relationship phobia bullshit”.
He laughs at me, pets my head, and says:
“Can’t I pleeeeeease lick your cunt?”

Guys just crack me up!