Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Perfect Place... ruined.

I felt so content, despite that my body was getting tired, my wrists hurt badly and so on...We were at his job - it was fun, naughty and whispering which made everything that more erotic.

As I sucked his cock I knew I was where I belonged; happily sucking, kissing, licking and adoring his cock. When his hands lay gently on the back of my head, I'd just come to realize how much I loved this.

He was close to cumming but didn't want to yet so he slid his cock out of my mouth. I could barely keep myself away, I went back to kissing and softly licking his shaft. I couldn't figure out why I loved this nor why it felt so good I just knew it was right. Was it him? Well not exactly; while the BFWB and I have great chemistry, I know I'm just as content sucking TYD's cock maybe even more so being that he knows exactly what I need. But it's so right with him, I've said it times before in my blog, the strong animal attraction, knowing each other so well, etc...

While I was truly enjoying how good all this felt he says, "Want to watch me do this". I didn't quite get it - is he bi, does he want to experiment - in front of me!?
I look up at him - "Huh, I don't understand". He nudges my head back to his cock, I continue sucking... "Wouldn't you want to watch me? Wouldn't you want to do what I do to you".

I couldn't help but think, no, no, NO and how?? I started licking his cock to avoid eye contact, I said I don't understand how this all works... he goes on to say
strap on. Then asks me if I'd want to pull his hair, hold his head down on it. Stand above him as he's on his knees sucking my pseudo cock...
And that's when he ruined it. Why couldn't he be content doing what we always have been doing?! I wouldn't mind if he wanted to take things further, but not in this direction, not in the complete opposite direction of who I am and what I love. We have the most perfect friends-with-benefits-relationship, and now this.
I take on the Dominant role with Morgan (here and there); I hate it - it's acting, it's fake, and it's not me. But I do it because of how much he loves it, and how much I care for him.
But not another one.. it's all I continued to say to myself - not another one, not you too....

I told him in order for us to get to that kind of level, I need more than this. I'm not speaking relationship-wise (g-d, no, I don't want to date him). But we need to see each other more often, we need to see each other in a normal place (hmmm.. a bedroom?!)....and so on... I know our schedules would never be able to coordinate that well, therefore leaving all this to never happen. I would never want him to feel bad about opening up to me like he did. I just couldn't bear to tell him how much I DON'T want to do that, how I'm disappointed that he's brought it to the table, how he could possibly ruin my perfect place.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The deep pitted feeling

I'm getting that feeling. The same feeling I got with the last "friend" he had. I'm nervous about it, I get that deep pitted feeling in the bottom of my stomach when he says her name.
I'm not crazy, I'm not stupid, I'm not jealous, I'm feel an uncertainty and I'm going with my instincts.. And my instincts are usually right.

I'll confront him tonight. I'll lay it all out there and ask him.

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Games we Play

Throughout my day at the office some of my typing consists of "Yes Sir's" and "I'd love to be on my knees for you Sir".
Almost everyday day of the work week we IM back and forth, he treating me and talking to me as if I were still his whore, I respond accordingly. It's fun; it keeps us entertained, thrilled and most importantly- turned on. I've been on my knees for him before, I've had my face slapped and spit on by him before, so it's easy to imagine the words we type, it's easy to remember how his cock filled my mouth, how he choked me with it. How he wasn't scared to slap my face, as others had been, how he made my knees quiver, and still makes my pussy wet.
I enjoy chatting with him it reminds me of the slut I enjoy being during the hours when I'm the headstrong and smart business woman.

He's been a game I've played for so many years now that often it's just how we are...Yet a few weekends ago our game was played as it had been years ago.
On my way to my local hole-in-the-wall bar, while looking for a parking spot I spotted his car parked, I knew he had to be in there. I walked in with the utmost confidence, sexiness just pouring from me, and there he was at the other end of the bar. I went about my time, careful not to let him see me spot him. I wanted him to simply spot me in the crowd laughing, smiling having fun with my girls while looking gorgeous and wanting me. And it worked perfectly. He walked past me, discreetly grabbed my waist and gave me this kinda I need you tonight look. All night long we went on like that not really talking to each other just giving each other signals. The signals we know so well, the signals we had used back in high school when no one knew what we were up to. All these smiles, eyes and teasing signals led up to a few text messages of where and when we'd meet up... very fun.

The Phone Man:
Approximately four years ago I'd wait till all left the office then slip my hand down my pants to my delicious warmest parts, he'd call me and we spoke on the phone, he told me how he would use me, how he would make me his slut, he said some of the dirtiest things. He eventually became too annoying and I stopped our chats.
Two years ago he contacted me on a screen name I rarely use... we started chatting again. He made me wet and filled with enticing ideas... He called me a few times during work hours (at a new company) I used a private bathroom to chat with him, and I found myself with my hand inside my panties as he told me all that he would still do to me. Unfortunately, this man again became annoying, he wanted to know too much, and he wanted to tell me about his life. I didn't care about his life nor wanted to share mine... I stopped taking his calls.
About 6 months ago somehow we began chatting online again, I made it very clear that I didn't care to know about his personal life. The phone calls began again, though now that I'm at a new company I can no longer slip into a bathroom. He calls me his phone whore, which I find completely ridiculous and it actually makes me laugh; but hey - it turns him on. He now calls me in the middle of the night, most of the time it wakes me up. But there's something hot about being woken up, and told to spread your legs ;)